


Misery's Company

by Mooifyourecows



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Again, But mostly angst, Fluff and Angst, I promise, Infidelity, M/M, but only for a really short scene, implied and explicit, just kidding there's some good fluff, just yet another fic where i make an OC one of the main characters, kuroo and bokuto show up, lots of spicy, so i don't think its worth tagging them as characters, there's a little background iwaoi too, this time it's necessary though, watch me make everyone fall in love with sawamura daichi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-05-19 19:59:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 62,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19363300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mooifyourecows/pseuds/Mooifyourecows
Summary: Sugawara Koushi hates his boyfriend.Fortunately for him, so does Sawamura Daichi.Together, they come up with a plan to make his life miserable.And fail in exactly the way you'd expect them to.





	1. Purely Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revenge is a dish best served... naked?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moods:
> 
> [Honey](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3n6DiaELcc)  
> "I'm the one for you can't nobody do you better,  
> Honey, Honey,  
> Please don't catch no feelings"
> 
> [Truth Hurts](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P00HMxdsVZI)  
> "Why men great 'til they gotta be great?  
> Don't text me, tell it straight to my face  
> Best friend sat me down in the salon chair  
> Shampoo press, get you out of my hair"
> 
> [Let's Fall in Love for the Night](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSl6jd0r9Vk)  
> "I'm the boy that your boy hoped that you would avoid  
> Don't waste your eyes on jealous guys, fuck that noise  
> I know better than to call you mine"

First, he shattered his favorite watch.

Hurled it against the wall with a scream before driving his heel into the cracked face, grinding the shards of glass into the floor.

Next, he flung all of his clothes and shoes from the closet, and spent the next ten minutes kicking them across the bedroom spitting expletives.

When the fit finally tired him out, he slumped to his back on the ground and pressed his phone to his ear.

“ _Suga-chan, are you okay?_ ”

Sugawara gulped, staring up at the ceiling. “What should I do?”

“ _What do you mean? He cheated on you! You gotta dump his ass!_ ”

“Not good enough.”

“ _Not good enough?_ ”

Sugawara rolled to his side and dragged his eyes over the piles of his boyfriend’s clothes scattered across the bedroom. “Should I light all of his clothes on fire? Steal his credit card and buy a trip to the Bahamas?”

Oikawa was silent for long seconds before finally answering. “ _Cut off his dick and make him eat it._ ”

“I knew I could count on you to give good advice.” Sugawara sighed and rubbed his stinging eyes. “Are you _sure_ it was him?”

“ _I’m positive! I tried to get a picture but the lights kept making them come out blurry._ ”

“Tell me everything.”

“ _I saw him grinding on this guy on the dance floor. And then they started making out up against the wall and then they left together. At first I thought it was just a look-alike, but I got close enough that I could hear them. The other guy called him by his name.”_

Sugawara slowly closed his eyes.

He regretted asking. He should have just taken Oikawa’s word. There was no reason for him to doubt him. If he said that he saw his boyfriend of a year cheating on him at the club, then that was exactly what happened. But he couldn’t help that curious side of him, that absolute glutton for punishment that needed to know _more_.

“ _Sorry, Suga-chan._ ”

He rolled onto his stomach and rested his forehead on the cool floor. “He said he was working the night shift. The son of a bitch. So what… was he lying _every_ time? Has he _ever_ actually worked a night shift?”

“ _Do you want me to go over there and help you pack?_ ”

Sugawara clicked his tongue and lifted his head. “Fuck that! This is my apartment! It’s my name on the lease and me who pays most of the rent! No way am I going _anywhere_! He’s the one who has to leave.”

“ _So what are you going to do?_ ”

He hesitated.

What _was_ he going to do?

Sugawara and Malcolm had been dating for the past year, living together for five months that coming Friday. As much as he hated him at the moment, it wasn’t such a simple thing that he could just… ask him to pack up and leave. Knowing his stubborn boyfriend’s personality, there would definitely be an argument.

There would be sweet talking.

Excuses.

Malcolm wouldn’t just leave and let that be the end of it.

Before he did anything, Sugawara needed a _plan_.

“ _Suga-chan?_ ”

“I’m going to—”

Loud banging echoed through the apartment and Sugawara squeaked, bolting up onto his knees. He turned towards the bedroom door and the living room beyond, heart racing in his throat. The banging persisted for long seconds, followed by an angry voice, too distant for any words to be discerned.

“ _What is it? Did he show up?_ ”

“No… it’s not him. There’s someone knocking.” Sugawara climbed to his feet. He crept up to the doorway and peered across the living room to the front door of the apartment, fear tightening the muscles of his stomach. “I’ll call you back.”

“ _Wait, Suga-chan. Are you okay? Just lock the doo—_ ”

Sugawara ended the call and shoved the phone into his pocket.

The knocking only rose in volume the longer he waited.

Normally, he would pick a hiding place, either under his bed or in the closet, tucked behind clothes and the metal shoe rack, and hunker down until the knocking stopped.

But today… somehow, his anger overrode his fear.

After sucking in a deep breath to steel himself, he strode through the living room in the direction of the front door and finally picked out words from the yelling out in the hallway.

“ _Malcolm! Get your ass out here!_ ”

The voice wasn’t familiar, deep and laced with rage.

“ _Bastard! Open up! You’ve got five seconds before I break this fucking door down!_ ”

Sugawara’s anger spiked.

He _so_ didn’t have time to deal with whatever the hell _this_ was about.

He stomped up to the door and wrenched it open, barking out a furious,

“ _Shut the fuck up!_ ”

He was met by a thick man with short, black hair and a square jaw dusted with light, five o’clock shadow. For a moment, they merely stared at one another. The stranger’s dark brown eyes darted over Sugawara’s appearance, all the way down to his legs and then back to his face.

“Am I at the right place?” he asked wearily.

“If your Malcolm is the same as the fucker who lives here, then yeah, you’re at the right place,” Sugawara spat. “But unfortunately for us _both_ , he isn’t here right now. So could you just fuck off?”

“Where is he?”

“Oh, let me just check the fucking tracking device installed in his left nut sack.” Sugawara pulled his phone out of his pocket and tapped the screen sarcastically.

“Who are you?”

“Who are _you_?” he countered.

“Sawamura Daichi,” he said.

“Never heard of you.”

“Should you have?”

“You tell me. You’re the one threatening to break down the door to _my_ apartment.” He slid his phone back into his pocket.

“ _Yours_?” Daichi’s eyes narrowed. “I thought you said Malcolm lived here.”

“I’ll let you figure that one out on your own, Copernicus.” Sugawara grabbed the door and prepared to swing it shut. “Thanks for stopping by.”

“Wait.” Daichi took a step forward, into the doorway. “When is he going to be back?”

“What am I, his fucking mom?” Sugawara glared at him. “Don’t know. Don’t care.”

“You’re his… boyfriend, right? Why don’t you care?”

Sugawara sneered. “Because. I’m his soon to be _ex-_ boyfriend.”

Daichi appraised him silently for a moment, gaze drifting down his body again.

Sugawara did the same, noting the impressive width of his shoulders, the girth of his chest in his tight white t-shirt.

Since he was there bothering him anyway, Sugawara might as well appreciate how hot the guy was, right?

“Why are you even looking for him?” Sugawara asked, pretending that the way his thighs strained against the fabric of his jeans didn’t make his unsolicited arrival in the middle of his well-deserved meltdown at least a _little bit_ worth it.

Daichi’s nose scrunched, lips curling in distaste. “I’m going to kill him.”

“No the fuck you’re not.”

“Oh, and you’re going to stop me?”

Sugawara took a menacing step towards him, eyes flashing with rage. “No one is touching that bastard before I get my hands on him. So just _back off_.”

Daichi took a step forward of his own, matching his threatening stance. “Like hell. He cheated me out of a lot of money and if I can’t get it back, I’m putting him in the ground.”

“Get in line. I’ve got _way_ more incentive to murder the piece of shit.”

“That’s not my problem!”

Sugawara jabbed a finger roughly into Daichi’s hard chest. “You’ve got five seconds to _make_ it your problem.”

Daichi blinked, eyes widening slightly at the hiss of his tone. In the end, he backed down, reaching up to rub the back of his neck with a soft sigh. He eyed Sugawara quietly for a few seconds.

“So why do _you_ want him dead?”

Sugawara crossed his arms over his chest. “Same reason you do.” He looked away, lifting his chin. “He’s a cheating bastard.”

Daichi was silent.

And just what the hell was Sugawara supposed to do about this bullshit situation? He was at a complete loss. He had never been cheated on before. He had never had to call a nasty end to a relationship of this caliber before.

_Now what the fuck do I do?_

“I won’t kill him.”

Sugawara met Daichi’s gaze.

“I’ll let you do the honors,” he said with a nod. “You’re right. You’ve got more incentive.”

Sugawara snorted. “Well, thanks. I guess.”

“But I’m not leaving here empty handed.”

Sugawara scowled. “What are you talking about? Do you expect _me_ to pay you the money he stole from you? Move along, Buddy. I’m too poor for that bullshit.”

“No. But he’s gotta have something.” Daichi’s eyes drifted over his shoulder to the apartment beyond. “Anything that I can take from him.”

“Like _what_?”

“I don’t know. But I’m not leaving here until I take something that belongs to him.”

Daichi’s eyes fell on Sugawara again and he went silent. After a beat, he took a step towards him.

Sugawara blinked, moving back. When he understood the intent in his gaze, he released an indignant gasp.

“Oh _fuck you_. I don’t belong to _anyone_. Especially not that cheating scumbag.”

“Sure you don’t,” Daichi agreed, voice low, eyes roaming down his face. “But I’ll bet your ass he _thinks_ you do.”

Sugawara grabbed the door and swung it forward. “Get _lost_.”

Daichi’s palm slammed against the wood, holding it open as he took another step into the apartment.

“Are you sure?” he asked, and _shit_ his voice just got deeper, rumbling in a way that made Sugawara quiver in anticipation. “You want to get back at him too, right?”

Sugawara hesitated.

“We could team up,” Daichi said, moving closer. “You get to give him a taste of his own medicine…” He reached up and brushed the side of Sugawara’s neck with his fingertips. “And I get to steal something he thinks belongs to him.”

Sugawara bit his bottom lip. And god _damn_ it why did he have to say it like that? And _fuck_ why did he have to be such an attractive guy?

He was really testing Sugawara’s self-control.

“What’s your name?” Daichi asked, fully stepping into the apartment and gently closing the door behind him.

Sugawara crossed his arms over his chest and eyed him. “Suga. Sugawara Koushi.”

“Suga.”

And ahhh, c’mon why did his name have to sound so _good_ in that voice?

“You gotta admit,” Daichi said, moving closer. “It’s a good idea.”

Sugawara scoffed and rolled his eyes. “That’s gotta be the laziest argument I’ve ever heard to fuck a random stranger.”

“How about this then?” Daichi backed him up against the wall and placed his hands on it on either side of his head. Sugawara gulped and lowered his arms to his sides. “There’s literally no downside.” He moved closer, chest nearly brushing his. “You’ll get your revenge and I’ll make you feel good. Better than Malcolm ever could.”

Sugawara glanced towards the door, palms sweating. Could he escape if he kneed him between the legs and made a run for it?

“You don’t have to look so nervous,” Daichi murmured. “I’m not going to force you.”

“He said, _pinning me to the wall_ ,” Sugawara growled.

“You’re free to push me away,” Daichi said. “Just tell me no and I won’t touch you.”

Sugawara opened his mouth to tell him to back the fuck away from him, but paused, the words, " _Don’t touch me, I have a boyfriend,"_ sitting on his tongue.

_I have a boyfriend._

Sugawara’s stomach twisted.

What the fuck did it matter that he had a boyfriend? His so called boyfriend had apparently been cheating on him. At least once a week for months now, while he had been out all night, supposedly _working the night shift_.

Just how many of those times was he actually with someone else?

Every fucking time?

For how long had Sugawara been getting played?

How many times did he turn propositions down with the excuse of _I have a boyfriend_ , just to have said boyfriend fail to do the same?

Just why the fuck should he be concerned about staying faithful to someone who wasn’t willing to give him the same courtesy?

And after all, Daichi was right. There really wasn’t any downside to his offer. Sugawara was going to dump him anyway. Malcolm wouldn’t be his boyfriend for much longer and somehow, burning all of his clothes and breaking his electronics didn’t sound quite as satisfying as getting his brains fucked out by this handsome stranger.

And he _was_ damn handsome. He was standing close enough that Sugawara could smell whatever it was that lingered on his skin and the husky scent made his head go hazy until he found himself wondering what that deep voice sounded like moaning his name.

Really… Sugawara could think of no downside to letting Sawamura Daichi steal him away from his cheating boyfriend and give him one night of sweet, sweet revenge.

He chewed on his bottom lip for another moment, dragging his eyes over Daichi’s face. The longer he examined the chiseled cuts of his cheekbones, the hard line of his jaw, the curve of his lips… the harder Sugawara’s heart pounded and the weaker his knees went.

In the end, there was nothing to convince him not to accept the audacious offer.

“ _Fuck it_ ,” Sugawara whispered and grabbed Daichi’s head. He dragged him forward and kissed him hard on the mouth.

Daichi’s body closed the distance between them, pinning him tight against the wall.

They kissed, wild and uninhibited for a long minute, Daichi’s hands roaming up and down Sugawara’s sides before finally slipping around and gripping the back of his thighs. He lifted him up off of the floor and Sugawara wrapped his legs around his waist, locking his ankles at his back. He put his arms around his neck and gripped his hair with one hand, pulling on it to tip Daichi’s head back.

He pushed away from the wall and stumbled further into the apartment, bumping into a table and sending a wooden bowl of fruit tumbling to the floor.

Daichi pulled away and panted out, “Bedroom?”

Sugawara pointed to the left and dragged his mouth back to his. Daichi staggered across the living room until Sugawara’s back connected with the doorframe of the bedroom. Daichi let out a growl and carried him into the room, walking over Malcolm’s clothes on his way to the bed. When he finally reached it, he yanked Sugawara’s arms away from around his neck and threw him onto the mattress.

Sugawara let out a soft gasp as he bounced, spreading his arms out to brace himself.

Daichi stood at the foot of the bed and bent to remove his shoes, eyes drifting across the mess on the floor.

“Seems you were already at work on your revenge,” he muttered and straightened.

“This is better,” Sugawara panted, pushing up on his elbows.

Daichi smirked and grabbed the hem of his shirt. Half a second later it was cast to the floor.

Sugawara gulped, sliding his gaze over Daichi’s chest and stomach.

“ _Way_ better,” he mumbled under his breath.

Daichi climbed onto the bed and crawled up the mattress in between Sugawara’s legs. He gripped his thighs and dragged him towards him, fitting him perfectly up against his groin. He leaned over him, hand coasting up his stomach and pushing his shirt up as he went.

“Last chance,” he said in a low voice. “Tell me to fuck off now if you want me to stop.”

Sugawara chewed on his bottom lip.

“My safe word is _honeydew_.”

Daichi grinned and leaned down to press a soft kiss to his lips.

“Honey, don’t mind if I do,” he murmured.

“Ew, okay I changed my mind. Fuck off.”

“Nuh uh.”

* * *

 

Sugawara pushed Daichi off of him, the weight and heat of his body making it near impossible to suck air into his already straining lungs. He panted, mouth open, and shoved his sweaty hair from his forehead.

“ _Fuck_.”

Daichi grunted in reply, rolling onto his back next to him. His head fell back on the pillow and he closed his eyes, naked chest rising and falling quickly.

“Okay,” Sugawara said, voice trembling. “I admit it. You were right.”

“About what?” Daichi’s eyes cracked open and he turned his head to peer sleepily at him.

“Malcolm could never do it that well.”

An arrogant grin flashed over his face. “Of _course_.”

Sugawara rolled his eyes and stared up at the ceiling.

Neither of them spoke for long seconds.

After having sex with Daichi, Sugawara thought he would feel… _more_. Some sort of righteous satisfaction at getting his revenge on Malcolm. But while it was good, (really fucking good) he still felt…

_Like the loser._

“So… now what?” Daichi asked.

Sugawara filled his lungs with a deep breath. “Well. I guess you should go home.”

“… and you?”

“And I… I’ll get started on practicing what I’m going to say to get the bastard to move out of my apartment.” His nose scrunched. “ _Hey I found out you’ve been cheating on me so I fucked a random guy who showed up at our door. Please pack your things and kindly never talk to me again._ ” He snorted. “Think that’ll work?”

Daichi rolled onto his side, propping his head up in the palm of his hand.

Sugawara avoided his stare, pulling the sheet up over his stomach. He felt sticky and exposed and… vulnerable.

“You don’t sound all that thrilled about getting revenge,” Daichi said.

Sugawara wiped sweat from the side of his neck. “Yeah. Guess I just… don’t feel like I’ve gotten it.”

“Why not?”

He frowned. “If I’m going to dump his ass anyway, why does it _matter_ that I had sex with someone else? In my head, we’re already broken up. So this… this doesn’t feel like revenge. It feels like I’m just getting straight to erasing him.” He gritted his teeth momentarily as his anger grew. “But I’m still the one who got fucking fooled this entire time. He’s the one who still got away with cheating on me. I’m still the fucking _loser_ here.” He let out a frustrated huff and dragged his fingers through his damp hair. “Even if I burned all his clothes, or broke all his stuff… stole his credit card or crashed his car… He still got away with fooling me. He still got to have me and everyone else he had on the side all this goddamn time. He still got away with _cheating._ And no matter what I do…” Sugawara looked away, eyes stinging. “I’m still the fucking _loser_.”

Silence spread through the room and Sugawara bit his bottom lip.

Seriously?

Sleeping with the guy wasn’t enough? Now he was unloading on him, as if they weren’t practically strangers?

Sugawara swore there had never been a time he had sunk quite _this_ low.

“So then…” Daichi’s voice broke the quiet. “It sounds like you gotta do him how he did you.”

“Poorly? Barely lasting two minutes and only giving a shit if _I_ come?”

Daichi snorted. “No. I mean…”

He slid closer to him and draped an arm over his waist. Sugawara met his eyes quietly.

“Fool him.”

“… what do you mean?”

“Don’t break up with him yet.”

Sugawara’s nose scrunched and he prepared to tell him to go get fucked, but before he could get a word out, Daichi interrupted.

“Let him keep thinking you haven’t caught on to him. Pretend to still be his good little boyfriend, believing all his lies. Then, when he goes off to fuck his side action…” Daichi’s eyelids lowered. “Call me.”

For a moment, Sugawara merely stared at him with wide eyes.

“You want… to keep doing this?”

“Is that so surprising?”

“Well…”

“I told you.” Daichi rolled on top of him, nudging his legs apart. “There is literally no downside to this… _transaction_. I get to screw over Malcolm _and_ screw his hot boyfriend at the same time? That’s a win-win, Honey.”

Sugawara placed his hands against his shoulders. “But I’d have to keep living with him. Keep dating him.”

“Yeah? You’re already doing it. You just gotta pretend not to know.” He leaned down and kissed him tenderly under his jaw. “And if that’s not enough for you, there’s other stuff you can do.”

Sugawara closed his eyes, basking in the sensation of Daichi’s lips grazing across his throat. “Like… like what?”

“Make his life miserable. Spike his food with laxatives. Replace his shampoo with Nair. Stuff like that.”

Sugawara chuckled. “How deliciously petty.”

“You’re delicious,” Daichi mumbled against his collarbone. “How the hell did a piece of shit like Malcolm convince you to love him?”

Sugawara opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling.

_How did he…_

Sugawara’s fingers dug into Daichi’s shoulders and he swallowed.

“Alright,” he said, voice soft. “I’ll play along.”

Daichi peered up into his eyes.

“I’ll pretend not to know. I’ll play along until he figures it out himself. And then I’ll kick his ass out.”

Daichi gently kissed his lips, hand cupping his face. His thumb smoothed over his cheekbone and he broke the connection.

“I look forward to working with you,” he whispered.

Sugawara hummed, knees lifting on either side of his hips. “Just don’t get attached. This is purely business.”

“Yeah,” Daichi’s voice turned gruff. He rolled to his back, pulling Sugawara with him. “Don’t worry.”

His hands smoothed down his spine, sending shivers rocketing across his skin. He held his gaze in his as he nipped at his bottom lip.

“I won’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it begins.  
> I'm going to try my best to have this fic updated weekly, every Thursday around noonish (US Mountain Time) or just whenever I get around to it. But ya know, sometimes life gets in the way so there may be some times when it doesn't work out that perfectly. We will see.
> 
> Honestly I'm just hoping I think of a better climax and ending by the time I get there in my edits. *fingers crossed*
> 
> As for the setting of this fic... uuuhhhh... it's not Japan. I suppose it's kinda US-esque? I'm pretty sure I used "dollars" in here somewhere so... yeah. Except Japanese honorifics and the "surname first" thing are still a thing. So... hybrid setting. I dunno, use your imagination.
> 
> For everyone joining me on the journey of this new fic, welcome and I love and appreciate you. You get a million kisses each so please form a single file line now.
> 
> I'm actually pretty proud of the playlist I created for this fic, so if anybody is interested in listening to it, you can find it [Here!](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0VIS1hwzYLDruc9LIbHWby?si=O1X5m4c4RXGo_ZA_3vauEg) (I even have the songs sorta in order with the story so if you wanted to get a feel of the mood progression then take your shuffle off if you want, you know you don't have to or anything but hey the option is there okay bye)
> 
> Come yell at me on [Tumblr.](https://mooifyourecows.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Next Time:  
> Close Call


	2. Hobbies and Tamales

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, he remembered this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moods:  
> [it's not u it's me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=859vhEm7N0U)  
> "I don't want you blaming yourself  
> It's bad for your health  
> 'Cause honestly  
> It's not you, it's me (It's me)  
> I'm the only one I need"
> 
> [Make 'em Like You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_-C8alqCoQ)  
> "'Cause all these other robots dancing like there's only one design  
> Tell them where the magic can be found  
> Hobbies are a rarity  
> The pulse, it never lies  
> I wanna know what's going on inside"
> 
> [Naked](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ea_bMGd49cA)  
> "From my head to my toes  
> Feeling overexposed  
> I wanna be naked with you  
> All my faults, all your scars  
> Who I am, who you are  
> I wanna be oh, naked with you, naked with you"

“Have you seen my watch?”

Sugawara didn’t look up from his book. “Which one?”

“My favorite one. The gold one?”

He hummed and turned the page. “Dunno. Did you check the bathroom?”

Malcolm sighed and ran his hand through his curly brown hair. “Yeah. I’ve checked everywhere. I can’t find it.”

Sugawara closed his book and set it on the couch next to him. He watched Malcolm lift a pillow off an armchair and dig around in the cushion.

“Maybe you left it at work? You’ve been working late a lot. You might’ve taken it off and forgot to put it back on?”

Malcolm hesitated, slowly straightening.

“Maybe…” He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone.

Sugawara watched him like a hawk as he crossed the apartment and went into the kitchen, looking down at the screen.

_Lying bastard._

He was probably texting _him_. Whoever it was that he was sleeping with on the side. Asking him if he left his watch at his place.

_Lying, cheating bastard._

It was much harder than he had anticipated, pretending that everything was okay. From time to time, he found himself acting too chipper, forcing fake positivity into his speech with smiles hot glued to his cheeks. The facade he wore dripped lovey dovey and everything is good and fine.

To mask the betrayal and keep the fury at bay.

To keep from  _snapping_.

Sugawara climbed to his feet and moved into the kitchen. He busied his antsy hands with a bottle of pineapple juice, cracking the lid loose. “Are you going out?”

Malcolm hummed and slid his phone back into his pocket. “Yeah.”

The itch to ask _where_ tickled the tip of his tongue, but he resisted the urge to let it out. He couldn’t start acting suspicious now. Appearing suspicious on top of being too cheerful would definitely give him away. Malcolm would surely notice.

“How long will you be out?” he asked instead, pouring the juice into a glass.

“Hmm… not sure. A few hours. Why?”

“Wondering if I should make dinner or just order something in.”

“I probably won’t be back by then, so go ahead and eat without me.”

Malcolm stood behind him, placing his hands on his hips and kissing the back of his neck.

Sugawara’s skin crawled and he bit back the urge to shove him away. He drank from the glass, glaring at a spot on the cabinet in front of him.

“You smell good,” Malcolm mumbled against his nape. His hands drifted around to his stomach and he tugged on the waistband of his sweats. “I’ve got twenty minutes… wanna show me how much you’ll miss me?”

 _God_ how cocky could he be?

How had Sugawara never noticed it before?

“My ass is sore,” he said, lowering the glass to the counter.

“Hm? Why?”

He hesitated, feeling a pleasant flush of arousal remembering how… _thoroughly_ Daichi had enacted his revenge just the day prior.

“I fell on the stairs yesterday,” he lied. “Think I bruised my tailbone.”

Malcolm pulled the collar of his shirt to the side and kissed his shoulder. “Want me to kiss it better?”

How would Sugawara normally react to that sort of thing?

Just how would he turn him down in the past?

Or would he at all?

Had Sugawara ever been good at refusing him before?

“It’d take more than twenty minutes to make it better,” Sugawara finally said, playfully rubbing his hips back against him before grabbing the glass and pulling out of his grasp. “So I’ll just pop some aspirin instead.”

Malcolm hummed. “That’s too bad.”

“For you.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, for me. Okay then. I’m gonna take off. Need anything?”

_The past year of my life back._

“I’m good.” Sugawara dropped onto the couch and set the glass on the end table to his right. He opened the book in his lap again.

“Okay. I’ll see you later.” Malcolm moved behind the couch and leaned over it to kiss him on the cheek.

“Bye.”

“Oh, and one more thing.”

Sugawara glanced at him as he hesitated at the door.

He scratched his cheek, green eyes darting across the room.

“If a guy named Sawamura Daichi shows up, tell him I don’t live here.”

Sugawara's pulse leapt at the mention of the name. “Who is he?”

“Nobody. Uhh… he’s just pissed off at me right now and I’m avoiding him.” He let out a laugh. “It’s fine. It’ll blow over soon. Just pretend you’ve never heard of me.”

“… fine.”

“Thanks. You’re the best.” He winked and left.

As soon as the door closed behind him, Sugawara snapped his book shut again, grabbed the pillow against which he leaned, and held it over his face. He released a scream into it, pressing it tighter against his mouth until he couldn’t breathe.

When his throat was raw and his lungs protested, he dropped the pillow to his lap and panted, slumping back on the couch.

It was torture, holding all his rage inside, pretending that everything was normal.

It was pure fucking _torture._

He gulped and glanced at his phone.

Should he call Daichi?

No… he hadn’t been lying, after all. His ass _was_ sore. And it had only been one day. He didn’t want to give Daichi the impression that their trysts would be a daily thing.

His phone buzzed on the armrest next to him and he checked the screen.

Right.

He had promised to explain the situation to Oikawa, hadn’t he?

Sugawara winced.

He answered the call and pressed the phone to his ear.

“Hello?

“ _Is he gone?”_

“Uhm… yeah… Why?”

Instead of answering, the line went dead and Oikawa suddenly blazed inside the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

“Alright, _explain_!” He swept through the room like a hurricane, tossing his jacket in the direction of the dining table as he passed. He rounded the couch and jumped onto the cushion to the left of Sugawara. “Why the _fuck_ haven’t you dumped that cheating skank?”

Sugawara sighed and avoided meeting his burning eyes.

“Okay, Jesus. Calm down.”

“I’ll calm down as soon as you promise me you haven’t forgiven the worthless piece of shit!”

“I haven’t!” Sugawara lifted his hands. “I’ll never forgive him!”

Oikawa seemed to relax at the admission, shoulders slumping slightly.

Sugawara groaned and rubbed his eyes.

“So, remember how I said someone was at the door yesterday?”

“Yeah?”

“It was this guy named Sawamura Daichi. He was pissed and looking for Malcolm.”

“Why?”

“He cheated him out of money, I guess. I don’t know the specifics. But… anyway.” Sugawara chewed on his bottom lip. “We… uhm… we came to an agreement.”

Oikawa’s eyes narrowed. “What kind of agreement?”

Sugawara gave him what he hoped looked like an innocent expression, batting his eyelashes. “To team up and give Malcolm a taste of his own medicine…”

Oikawa was silent for a moment. “And what the fuck does _that_ entail? His own medicine… does—” He froze, eyes flying wide. “You mean…”

“We fucked.”

Oikawa’s jaw dropped and a second later, he was screaming laughter, falling back against the couch.

“Suga-chan you’re my _favorite!_ ”

Sugawara released a soft sigh of relief.

Thank God Oikawa's moral compass was just as crooked as his sexuality.

“So what’s going on then?” Oikawa asked when he gained control of himself, wiping tears from the corners of his eyes. “You’re staying with him just so you can cheat on him?”

“Pretty much,” Sugawara admitted. “I’m pretending like I don’t know anything, seeing Daichi on the side, and waiting for Malcolm to figure it out on his own. When he does, I’ll dump his ass.”

“Oh my god I love you so much. This is the best. I’m so happy we’re friends.”

Sugawara rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”

“So, tell me about this other guy.” Oikawa waggled his eyebrows. “This _Daichi_ guy. What’s he like? How was the sex?”

Sugawara hesitated. “Honestly? It was fucking _amazing_. His dick is big and he’s _hot_.”

“Hotter than Malcolm?”

Sugawara hesitated.

“I guess not,” Oikawa mused.

“It’s hard to compare them,” he said, lips pursed. “They’re different kinds of hot. Malcolm is… water hot. Daichi is earth hot.”

“You know I don’t understand that element bullshit.”

Sugawara sighed and stretched his legs over Oikawa’s lap. “I mean like… Malcolm is that billboard type of hot, you know? Like a model. Airbrushed. Daichi is like…” He squinted. “… earth hot.”

Oikawa pinched his thigh. “Explain!”

Sugawara groaned and leaned his head back. “I don’t know how to explain it! He’s like…” He paused, stopping himself from finishing that sentence with _earthy_. “Well for starters he’s really buff. Six pack and all.”

“I’m listening,” Oikawa leaned forward, eyes sparkling with interest.

“Really fucking manly,” Sugawara went on. “Jawline that could jackhammer me into the fucking ground and I'd thank him. I'd give him a standing ovation. I'd _pay_ him.”

“Weird, but I’ll allow it.”

“He’s super tan. Shorter than Malcolm, but  _thicker_. And his hands are calloused and rough and god don’t even get me _started_ on his voice.” He moaned, draping an arm over his eyes as he leaned his head back again. “It’s so deep and sexy, Oikawa, I’m not kidding. His voice could get me off alone.”

Oikawa grabbed his arm and shook it. “I want to meet him!”

Sugawara was already shaking his head before he even finished getting the words out. “No. No way. This is just business. I’m not going to introduce him to you or my mom or anything like that. We’re just working together to enact revenge on a mutual nemesis. That’s it. We’re not dating.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

Sugawara kicked him in the chin. “ _You_ shut the fuck up.”

Oikawa tackled him and they wrestled, eventually rolling off the couch and slamming to the floor with a thud.

“We have _not_ watched dozens of shitty romcoms for you to be in denial that you and this Daichi guy are definitely going to fall in love by the end of this!” Oikawa growled and forced Sugawara into a headlock.

“That’s fiction!” Sugawara yanked on his arm to no avail. “I’m never dating again!”

“Shut the fuck up!”

“ _You_ shut the fuck up!” He managed to get a grip on Oikawa’s hair and gave it a hard tug. “Men are scum!”

“You just have to find a good one! One that isn’t a cheating bastard,” Oikawa said, wincing as he yanked on his hair.

“How am I supposed to do that?” Some of the fight left his body. “I thought _Malcolm_ was a good one… and look where that got me.”

Oikawa stared down at him and his arm loosened around his neck. Sugawara went limp and he let him slip down to the floor.

“If Malcolm is capable of lying and cheating…” Sugawara turned his head and stared across the room in a weak attempt to hide the moisture gathering in his stinging eyes. “Then who isn’t?”

Oikawa slowly stretched out on the floor next to him, folding one of his arms under his head.

“It’s not about whether or not someone is capable of it,” he murmured. His fingers found and twined with Sugawara’s. “It’s about who will choose not to, because you’re the only one they want.”

Sugawara closed his eyes and snorted.

“Nobody wants me.”

Oikawa hummed and squeezed his fingers.

“We’ll see about that.”

* * *

 

“Tell me about yourself.”

Sugawara glanced over and met Daichi’s stare where he lay on his side in bed next to him, head propped up in the palm of his hand. His short hair was mussed adorably, half of it sticking straight up, the other half out. His chest was bare, leaving tanned skin exposed all the way down to his hip, where the navy sheet was pulled lazily over.

Sugawara hummed and stacked his hands underneath his head. “No way.”

Daichi cocked a thick black eyebrow. “Why not?”

“Getting to know me is just the next step in falling head over heels in love with me,” Sugawara said. “And we can’t have that, now can we?”

The sound of Daichi's loud, barking laugh swelled and reverberated off of the walls, making Sugawara's insides tingle. “ _Wow_. Full of yourself, aren’t you?”

“You think you stand a chance against my powerful natural charisma? Don’t fool yourself, Daichi.”

“I think I’ll be okay,” he said. “After all, you’ve got that god awful personality there keeping me from entertaining the idea of getting _too_ close.”

“Jokes on you, my personality is my ultimate selling point.”

“Then I’m _definitely_ safe.”

Sugawara reached out and pinched his nipple.

Daichi chuckled and pushed his hand away. “C’mon. I don’t need to hear your whole life story or all your desires and motivations. Just tell me… your hobbies. Are you a dog or cat person? How do you feel about tamales?”

Sugawara couldn’t keep the giggle at bay. “ _Tamales?_ ”

“I like tamales.”

Sugawara stared at him through narrowed eyes for long seconds before conceding.

“I like tamales too.”

“ _Oh no_ , I’m in love with you.”

Sugawara sat up and shoved Daichi onto his back. He rolled with a laugh, one arm snaking around Sugawara’s waist and dragging him with him.

“Okay so Sugawara Koushi. He likes tamales. What else?” he pressed.

Sugawara stacked his hands on top of Daichi’s chest and peered down at him.

“Spicy.”

“Spicy?”

“I like spicy things,” he said. “And I like both cats and dogs. And as for hobbies…” He pursed his lips. “I…”

When he didn’t go on, Daichi lifted an eyebrow. “What?”

Sugawara rolled off of him again. “Nothing.”

“Hey now, you can’t just drop it like that!” Daichi chased, sliding up behind him and gripping at his hip. “Now I’m curious!”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s not that interesting.” Sugawara tucked his hands under his pillow and stared across the room at the closed closet door.

“ _Tell me_ ,” Daichi begged.

“Nah.”

“ _Please_.”

“No.”

Daichi growled and sunk his teeth into his shoulder. He grumbled and shook his hip, arms sliding around and squeezing him stubbornly. Sugawara stifled a smile over the childish fit, chewing on the inside of his cheek to keep from giggling.

“C’mon,” Daichi tried again. “I’ll… I’ll buy you tamales if you tell me.”

Sugawara scoffed. “You’re just trying to get me to go on a date with you. I knew it. You’ve fallen for me.”

“Don’t get cocky.” Daichi bit him again. “I’m not trying to go anywhere with you. I know a place that delivers.”

Sugawara paused.

He _was_ hungry after all the energy Daichi just forced him to exert. And Malcolm was “ _working late_ ” and wouldn’t be home until morning.

Which meant Sugawara was on his own when it came to dinner.

And he really wasn’t much of a cook.

And free dinner sounded… good.

“Okay fine. But call in the order for the tamales first.” Sugawara squirmed out of his grasp and sat up.

“How do I know you’ll still tell me after I’ve ordered them?” Daichi asked, sitting up too.

“I give you my word.” Sugawara sat on the edge of the bed and leaned over to grab his boxer briefs from the floor. “I’ll show you right after you finish making the call.”

Daichi was silent and Sugawara glanced at him over his shoulder.

After a moment of mulling it over, he sighed. “Okay, give me a minute.” He moved to the other side of the bed and bent over to grab his jeans. He fetched his cell phone from the pocket and Sugawara smirked.

“Ask for their hottest sauce!” He called as he flitted out of the bedroom and rushed to the bathroom. After hurriedly cleaning himself up after their most recent romp, he walked back out to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator.

Daichi joined him, dressed only in his boxers as well, just as Sugawara was drinking out of a bottle of lemonade.

“Okay. Tamales have been ordered,” he said, taking the bottle when Sugawara offered it to him. He took a long drink from the juice and Sugawara watched the way his Adam’s apple bobbed in his thick neck, stomach tightening at the sight.

It was really unfair how stupid sexy the guy was.

Sugawara took the bottle back when he finished and twisted the cap on.

“They’ll be here in half an hour,” Daichi said. “So what’s this hobby of yours?”

Sugawara placed the lemonade in the refrigerator and sighed. He hesitated another moment before finally relenting.

Fuck it.

“Okay, come here.” Sugawara grabbed his hand and dragged him back to the bedroom.

“Oh? It involves the bedroom? Sounds like a hobby I can get into…”

“You _wish_.”

“I literally _just_ fucked you. Honey, I don’t need to wish.”

Sugawara pinched his nipple again, ignoring the following giggle.

He pulled him to the closet and opened the door, releasing his hand. Inside, he crouched down to shove shoes off of a blue, plastic bin. Once it was clear, he gripped it with both hands and dragged it out into the bedroom.

Daichi eyed it curiously, left eyebrow cocked.

“Okay,” Sugawara breathed and dropped to his knees. He popped the lid off of the bin and set it aside, revealing multiple large jars and two stacks of thick photo albums.

Daichi sat cross legged at his side, peering down into the bin.

Sugawara grabbed one of the albums and set it in Daichi’s lap, scooting closer to him to lean against his arm. He flipped the album open to a random page, revealing pages of pressed leaves and flowers.

Daichi stared down at them for long silent seconds, eyebrows raised.

Sugawara cleared his throat and scratched behind his ear, cheeks warm with embarrassment.

Neither of them spoke as Daichi slowly flipped a few pages, finding more and more colorful foliage flattened within the album.

To give his anxious hands something to do other than wait for judgment, Sugawara reached into the bin and grabbed one of the jars, letting out a small grunt as he lifted it up and out. He set it in his lap and turned it on its side, staring down through the glass at the hundreds of rocks inside.

“So… you collect?”

Sugawara let out a small sigh. “Yeah… I dunno. I know it’s not really much of a hobby. But… I just like them.” He chewed on his bottom lip, glancing at the album in Daichi’s lap as he ran his tanned fingers over a pressed caladium leaf. “You know, like… sometimes I’ll be walking home… and I’ll see a leaf or a rock that I really like and I dunno. I can’t stop myself from just…” He winced. “… taking it. I guess.”

Daichi didn’t speak for a long minute, slowly flipping through the album.

Sugawara scrunched his nose and replaced the jar in the bin.

“I dunno,” he mumbled again. “It’s stupid.”

Daichi set the album aside and rolled to his knees. He grabbed Sugawara by the hips and maneuvered him around until he faced him.

“What are you— _eep_!”

Daichi swept his legs up from underneath him and spread them on either side of his knees. He laid him back on the rug and kissed up his throat.

“You’re cute,” he murmured in his ear a moment before grazing his lobe with his teeth.

Sugawara gripped his shoulders and stared up at the ceiling with wide eyes.

“Wha-what…”

Daichi hooked his fingers in the back of Sugawara’s boxers and pulled them down and off his ass. Sugawara squeaked again.

“Are you serious right now?” he hissed, floundering when Daichi sat back to drag the strip of clothing off his legs. “Haven’t you had enough yet?”

“Oh Honey... _'yet'_ would imply I could _ever_ get enough,” Daichi said, voice low. He tossed Sugawara’s underwear aside and leaned over him again. He kissed him hard on the lips and then parted to whisper, “Don’t worry. We’ve got time for a quickie before the food gets here.”

Sugawara groaned and dropped his head back on the floor.

“Fuck your stamina.”

Daichi chuckled and kissed down to the center of his chest.

“Don’t worry,” he said again, drawing Sugawara’s attention to his face where it hovered over his right nipple. “It may be a quickie, but it’ll still be longer and better than anything your boyfriend could ever give you.”

“Well… how can I possibly turn away a promise like that?” Sugawara breathed.

Daichi smirked.

“Exactly,” he mumbled. “You _can’t_.”

* * *

 

He had been staring at him for the past ten minutes.

Sugawara lowered the corn husk to the paper plate in his lap and gave Daichi a glare.

“ _What?_ ”

He flashed him a charmingly crooked smile. “Nothing. You just… look like a chipmunk when you eat.”

Sugawara scrunched his nose. “Fuck off.”

Daichi chuckled. “What? It’s cute.”

_Cute…_

There was that word again.

_He’s making fun of me._

_Who does he think he’s fooling?_

Sugawara was well aware of his physical appeal. He was no stranger to compliments and catcalls and propositions. He got them all the time. That wasn't even a boast. It  _definitely_ wasn't a boast. That would imply that he didn't find the attention absolutely annoying.

He was pretty.

He was handsome.

He was sexy and alluring and had a nice body and a great smile.

Sugawara had heard it all before.

But _cute_?

No. The only person who called him cute, and actually meant it, was his grandmother. Everyone else only used such a word to describe Sugawara as a way to piss him off, patronize him and make him feel inferior as a man.

_So which is it?_

Sugawara wiped his hands on his napkin and tossed his paper plate onto the coffee table. He unfolded his legs from beneath him and stood.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” he mumbled.

Daichi didn’t say anything as he passed and went to the bathroom.

So frustrating.

He wasn’t staying in his lane.

Sugawara didn’t really want to have to constantly remind Daichi that his only role was to help him get revenge on Malcolm. He didn’t need this… _whatever it was_. This sharing hobbies and eating dinner in their underwear together… _thing_.

Just what was he trying to do anyway? Was he trying to get close to him? They had agreed that their relationship was purely physical and no emotions were allowed on the table. And yeah, he knew the cliché. He knew that he was basically _begging_ for a long, slow, torturous journey into falling in love.

He had _seen_ the stupid romcoms.

He _knew_.

But he was also determined not to fall for that same old trap. He wasn’t some pathetic “strong girl” heroine who, in the end, needs saving like the pathetic damsel she had been deep down inside all along. Sugawara was just some guy with a cheating boyfriend, looking to enact petty revenge and get good sex at the same time.

He didn’t need a hero to sweep him off his feet.

He didn’t need someone to find his dumb hobby endearing.

He didn’t need someone to call him cute.

And that was just all there was to it.

By the time he finally climbed out of the shower, his skin was pink from the burning temperature of the water and some of his frustration had evaporated. He dried off apathetically and then tied the towel around his waist and left the bathroom.

Daichi was still there, cleaning up the remnants of their dinner. He hummed under his breath as he wiped down the coffee table with a napkin, seemingly not at all bothered that he was cleaning someone else’s apartment.

_He’s not staying in his lane._

But well, it’s not like Sugawara had cared to clean it himself.

So he let it slide, just this once, and traveled into the bedroom.

He paused next to the closet to stuff his hobby bin back inside and then let out a sigh as he eyed the messy sheets.

Sometimes he wondered if the sex was even worth the constant laundry.

“Mind if I use your shower before heading out?”

Sugawara glanced over his shoulder where Daichi leaned on the doorframe of the room, examining his naked back in appreciation.

“Go ahead,” he said and went to the dresser against the wall.

“Thanks.”

Sugawara dressed in an oversized t-shirt and pair of gym shorts before going to work with stripping the bedding from the mattress and carrying it to his small laundry room across the apartment. He made quick work of replacing the sheets with a new set and then flopped down on the mattress, spreading his arms and legs.

Tiring. It was so stressful, cheating on your partner. How did people do it?

How did _Malcolm_ do it?

Sugawara didn’t consider himself an idiot, not by any standard. In fact, he had always believed he was quite sharp. Sharper than Oikawa, in the very least.

But if that was true, he probably would have figured it out sooner, wouldn’t he have? There was no way that there had been no hints. Malcolm wasn’t clever enough to keep a secret like this without any slip-ups. But that meant that Sugawara must have missed them. He must have blindly believed something stupid. He must have just shrugged off a red flag, didn’t even bother to ask any of the questions he should have asked.

Maybe he was an idiot after all.

He felt the mattress depress next to his hip and cracked his eyes open.

Daichi leaned over him, hair damp and flat against his forehead.

“You look tired,” he murmured.

Sugawara glared up at him. “And whose fault do you think that is?”

A grin flashed across his face. “You’re welcome.”

Sugawara huffed.

Daichi fetched his shirt from the floor. “Well, I’ll be off then. Unless you wanna go another round.”

“ _No fucking way._ ”

“Shame.”

Sugawara watched him shake his shirt out and pull it on over his head. And it disgusted him, how difficult it was to hold in the urge to tell him to stay, just a little while longer. Malcolm wouldn’t be back for another few hours anyway.

And… Sugawara didn’t want to be alone.

Daichi grabbed his phone from the night table and checked it with a hum. As he bent over to collect his shoes, the sound of the front door opening made them both freeze.

Sugawara’s eyes flew wide and Daichi slowly turned to face him, stricken expression matching his.

Sugawara bolted up off of the bed in an instant and grabbed him by the arms. He shoved him across the room, wrenching the door of the closet open.

“ _What the fuck?_ ” Daichi protested as he pushed him inside.

“ _Hide!_ ” Sugawara urged.

“ _Why? Isn’t the point for him to catch us anyway?_ ”

“ _I’m not emotionally prepared!_ ”

Daichi gaped at him for long seconds and Sugawara gave him a pleading look.

The sound of Malcolm’s voice floated through the apartment. Drunken singing and shuffling footsteps.

Daichi gritted his teeth, his jaw clenching.

“ _Fine._ ”

Sugawara released a breath of relief. “ _He’s a deep sleeper. I’ll sneak you out once he’s unconscious._ ”

Daichi opened his mouth as if to say something else, but Sugawara quickly shut the closet door before he could get the words out. He rushed back to the bed on silent feet and jumped under the bedding.

Malcolm continued to make noise out in the apartment for another long minute before he finally found his way to the bedroom. The door clicked open and Sugawara watched him stagger inside, nearly tripping over the rug.

He hiccupped, green eyes sweeping across the room until they fell on Sugawara’s face. His mouth stretched into a soft smile, a curly brown lock of hair falling over his forehead.

“Baaaaaaaaabe,” he called and stumbled up to the bed. “Babe, babe, babe,” he fell onto his back on the mattress next to him and immediately started wrestling out of his leather jacket.

“I thought you were working late tonight?” Sugawara asked, trying to keep the anxiety from his voice.

“Got someone to cover,” he mumbled and finally tossed the jacket to the floor. “Got couple drinks… with Ter… Terrence.” He flopped over on his stomach and pushed up on his hands and knees. He crawled up to Sugawara and ripped the blanket off of him, tossing it across the bed. “Hmmm… you look hot.”

“Actually, I’m kinda cold,” Sugawara replied, reaching for the blanket once more.

“I’ll warm you up.” Malcolm lowered on top of him, pinning him to the mattress. He kissed the side of his neck sloppily and Sugawara scrunched his nose at the scent of alcohol wafting off of him.

“A _couple_ drinks, huh?” he said.

“Maybe more than a couple,” he admitted. His hands slipped under his t-shirt and stroked over his stomach and chest. “You’re so sexy. Let’ssssss make _love_.”

Sugawara glanced towards the door of the closet and his mouth went dry. He couldn't see Daichi on the other side through the horizontal slats but he knew he was there.

Listening.

“Uhm…” He hunted for an excuse to give.

Malcolm sat up and stripped out of his shirt. Sugawara’s eyes landed on a bright red hickey on his well-defined left pectoral. Fury ripped through him and it took all his self-control not to punch him in the nose and lay him out flat.

Malcolm leaned down and kissed his exposed collarbone.

Sugawara closed his eyes and counted to ten, ignoring his roaming hands and rubbing hips.

Just how the hell did he turn him down in the past?

When he was sure he wouldn’t lose to his rage, he placed his hands on his shoulders.

“Not tonight,” he said, turning his face to the side as Malcolm’s lips traveled back up towards his.

Malcolm hummed and slipped a hand around and under him, gathering a handful of his ass.

“We haven’t done it in weeks,” he murmured.

“I know,” Sugawara said, cringing at how his fingers roamed. “I guess I’ve just been kinda tired late—”

Malcolm covered his mouth with his, instantly thrusting his tongue inside.

Sugawara made a surprised, muffled sound, momentarily disoriented by the attack. Malcolm kissed him hard and deep for a long minute, shutting him up and stealing his breath. When he finally broke away, Sugawara panted, gasping for air as Malcolm kissed down his neck and thrust his hand inside his shorts.

“ _Ah!_ Wait…” Sugawara gripped at his forearm. “I—”

His phone blared on the night table, momentarily drawing both their attention.

Sugawara gulped. “That… might be my mom. I’m waiting for her to tell me how Grandma is doing in the hospital,” he lied.

Malcolm sat back on his heels, stretching his neck. “Go ahead.”

Sugawara reached up and snatched the phone. He held it in front of his face, sure to keep it at an angle at which Malcolm couldn’t see the screen, and checked the new text.

 

**_From: D_ **

_you have exactly 30 seconds to get him off of you before I bust out of here and do it myself._

Sugawara swallowed hard, heart leaping.

He lowered the phone and looked at Malcolm, who had just shimmied out of his pants.

“I ate bad Mexican food tonight,” Sugawara said. “Stomach hurts like crazy. So not tonight, okay?”

He stared down at him quietly for a long moment.

Finally, he rolled onto the mattress next to him and lay on his side.

“From where?” he asked. “Roberto’s?”

“Uhm, I forgot the name. Not Roberto’s.”

“Roberto’s destroyed me last time. You gotta do La Fiesta. They’re the best.” He yawned and reached out to stroke the side of Sugawara’s face. “’Member… ha ha… it was your birthday… and you didn’t want them to sing to you but you wanted a margarita and the waitress saw your birthday on your ID and when they brought out the huge sombrero you looked at me like you were going to _murder me_. Like…” he paused to laugh, the sound breathy. “Like you thought I had snuck off to tell them in secret or something.”

Sugawara smiled.

_Ah._

_This…_

He remembered this.

This simple, comfortable conversation about nothing important.

“Yeah,” he whispered. “I remember.”

“And then… they gave you the tequila shot and you… heh… you hate tequila… but didn’t want to look like a bitch… so you drank it with the _meanest look on your face_ and the waitress whacked you with the whipped cream and haha… Oh man I was so scared for my life I couldn’t even enjoy it. I thought you were going to stab me for real.”

He scooted closer to him, fingers traveling back through his hair, stroking gently against his scalp.

“And… and then when they were gone you were like… _mother fucker I hope you like the taste of nuts because you’re about to choke on yours._ And that old white lady at the table next to ours heard you say it—”

Sugawara sputtered and pressed his hands over his face. “ _Oh my god I forgot that part._ ”

Malcolm giggled and kissed the tip of his nose where it peeked out from between his hands.

“And she was like… _They serve nuts here? All I got were chips and salsa!_ ”

Sugawara laughed and Malcolm snuggled closer to him, arm sliding down around his waist.

“And then when the waitress came back the old lady asked her about nuts and the waitress was so confused and she pointed at you and was like _he said they got nuts!_ And you… you were like…” He snickered. “ _I’m sorry ma’am. I was talking about testicles_ and she looked like you had just told her you were the anti-Christ and I _really_ thought you were gonna kill me, especially when you found out you still had a little bit of whipped cream on your face and it looked like—”

“Stop!” Sugawara wailed and buried his face against Malcolm’s collarbone. “God that was the _worst_. I can never go to La Fiesta again now because of you.”

“But I didn’t even do anything.” Malcolm chuckled. “You were the one who ratted out your own birthday because you needed a ten a.m. margarita.”

Sugawara groaned. “Yeah well I’m gonna blame you anyway.”

Malcolm’s lips pressed into Sugawara’s hair and he gulped. He slowly leaned away and peered up into his face.

Malcolm’s eyes were drooping and he yawned. He gave Sugawara a sleepy smile, hand rubbing soothing circles on his back. “Want… want me to… get you some Tums? I think… we… have some…”

And _ah._

Sugawara remembered this.

“No, I’m okay,” he said, throat tight. “Just go to sleep.”

He hummed. “’Kay…”

His eyes drifted shut and he let out a deep breath. For a moment, Sugawara stared at him, heart aching.

It wasn’t fair that there were still times like this, when he remembered what it felt like to…

Love him.

Sugawara glanced down at the mark on Malcolm’s chest.

The hickey he didn’t put there.

His stomach twisted and he momentarily thought that maybe his lie wasn’t entirely untrue. Maybe the food actually _had_ upset him.

Even though he knew that wasn’t the case, it was somewhat comforting, imagining it was.

He waited until Malcolm was completely out, snoring loudly and stretched out on his stomach with his face half buried in his pillow, before finally slipping from the bed. He tiptoed over to the closet and gently opened the door.

Daichi appeared in the doorway but Sugawara didn’t meet his eyes as he stepped aside and let him out. Sugawara cast one last look towards the bed and then followed Daichi from the room. They didn’t speak as they crossed the apartment and then stood in the entrance. Daichi quietly pulled his shoes on and straightened.

He hesitated, giving Sugawara a look.

Sugawara gulped and whispered, “Bye.”

Daichi stared at him for another moment before glancing at the door. He turned back to him and silently closed the space between them. He cupped his face in both hands and kissed him, long and deep.

Sugawara kissed him back, gripping the front of his shirt with quivering fingers. He wanted to erase the taste of Malcolm from his tongue… forget ever remembering how it felt to care for the bastard that cheated on him.

When they finally parted, Sugawara had to fight not to pull him back.

Daichi’s thumbs stroked over his cheekbones and he gave him another tender kiss before stepping away, hands falling from his face.

“I’ll see you later,” he whispered.

Sugawara nodded, not trusting his voice to speak.

Daichi eyed him silently for another long moment before finally turning and leaving the apartment.

Sugawara closed the door softly behind him and then leaned his forehead against the wall next to it.

And neither of them were staying in their lane anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Thank you so much to the people who have picked this story up already!  
> I really appreciate all your support, as usual. <3  
> I hope you continue to enjoy the following chapters!
> 
> [Misery's Company Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0VIS1hwzYLDruc9LIbHWby)
> 
> Come yell at me on [Tumblr.](https://mooifyourecows.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Next Time:  
> Thunderbird


	3. Fast Cars, Slow Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The weight of doubt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moods:  
> [Apps](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3RcWxc5bsg)  
> "Disillusion is fine  
> It's a sign of the times"
> 
> [bad guy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyDfgMOUjCI)  
> "White shirt now red, my bloody nose  
> Sleepin', you're on your tippy toes  
> Creepin' around like no one knows  
> Think you're so criminal"
> 
> [ATTENTION](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulMHhPHYCi0)  
> "Now would you hate me if I said goodbye  
> So quick you could eat my dust?  
> Now would you hate me if I ran like hell  
> In the wind from dawn 'til dusk?"

“The fucker had a _hickey_ on his chest,” Sugawara ranted, stuffing a handful of popcorn into his mouth. He chewed angrily, not even tasting the buttery snack as he concentrated all his attention on complaining.

“What a fuckin’ idiot,” Oikawa said, taking a drink from his beer. “It’s like he’s _trying_ to get caught.”

Sugawara paused. He turned to Oikawa on the couch. “Oh my god... what if he _is_? What if he’s been wanting to break up with me for a while now but doesn’t know how to do it so he’s trying to get me to break up with him first?”

They stared at each other silently for long seconds before both shaking their heads.

“Nah,” Sugawara said. “No way would he want to break up with _me_. I’m the best thing that ever happened to him.”

“He’s just scum,” Oikawa agreed with a nod. “Stupid scum who can’t even keep his boy toy from sucking a fucking hickey on his chest. I can’t even feel sorry for the jackass at this point.”

“Could you ever?” Sugawara snatched his beer off of the floor and gulped from it. “ _I’m_ the victim here. You should feel sorry for _me_.”

“I felt sorry for Malcolm for like… five seconds because I was thinking about how you’re such a vindictive bitch and are definitely going to make his life miserable,” Oikawa said.

“It’s only right that his life is miserable!” Sugawara shoved his hand into the bowl of popcorn in Oikawa’s lap. “He’s made mine miserable! And you know what they say…”

“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?” Oikawa muttered.

“No! Misery loves _company_.” He chewed the popcorn sloppily. “And I won’t be happy again until he’s just as miserable as I am.”

“That’s stupid. You’re basically saying that you’ll be happy when he feels the same way you do, which means he’ll feel happy too.”

“Shut the fuck up, it’s not that deep.”

“ _You_ shut the fuck up.”

For a minute, they didn’t speak, finally paying attention to the movie playing on the television across the room. It didn’t last long though, because soon, Oikawa spoke again.

“So, how are things going with this Daichi guy?”

“They’re not _going_ anywhere,” Sugawara said. He finished off his beer and stood to move around the couch and travel across Oikawa’s apartment to the kitchen.

“Get me one too!” Oikawa called after him.

Sugawara collected two more beers and popped the lids off on the bottle opener screwed into the wall next to the refrigerator. He carried them back into the living room, passed Oikawa his, and fell onto the couch next to him once more.

“Anyway. Stop being stubborn and just fall for this guy already, would you?” Oikawa sipped from the bottle.

Sugawara groaned. “No. _Why_? Can’t I just be single for once?”

“Oh? Do you remember the _last_ time you were single?”

Sugawara stared at the television.

“That’s… different.”

“Different how?”

“I’m older now.”

“Shut the fuck up. You’re still afraid of living alone and you know it.”

“ _You_ shut the fuck up. I’d like to see _you_ get robbed and not be afraid of living alone.”

“I _have_ been robbed. It’s just one of the many perks of living in the city, Suga-chan. Learn to lock your doors and get over it.”

“I _do_ lock my doors!”

“Yeah, when you leave. But you didn’t get robbed when you were _gone_ , now did you?”

Sugawara huffed and sucked on the mouth of his beer bottle. “You are _so_ unsympathetic. I could have died, you know? I have trauma now and you don’t even care.”

“I let you live with me for _eight months_.” Oikawa punched his bicep. “You got _plenty_ of sympathy.”

Sugawara scowled and rubbed his arm. “Sympathy ain’t worth peanuts unless it’s _ongoing_.”

Oikawa sighed and stared at him. And even though he had practically begged for it, now that he could see the sympathy in his steady gaze and the concerned wrinkle between his eyebrows, Sugawara suddenly no longer wanted it.

Sympathy and pity were cut from the same cloth, after all.

“Okay,” Oikawa said. “It doesn’t have to be Daichi. But we should at least _try_ to find you someone else.”

Sugawara shook his head. “Don’t want. Men are dogs.”

“You and I are men.”

“ _Woof._ ”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“ _You_ shut the fuck up.”

Oikawa lifted his foot and rammed it into Sugawara’s ribs. He doubled over his lap with a groan, squeezing his eyes shut and baring his teeth.

“Be nice to me!” he whined, slumping to the side and hugging his beer to his chest. “My boyfriend is cheating on me, Oikawa!”

“I’m sick of being nice to you!”

Sugawara bolted upright. “You consider what you’ve been doing as _being nice_ to me?”

Oikawa kicked him again. “Stop being a baby!” His face screwed up in distaste. “You are so _obnoxious_! I get it! It’s fucking shitty that your boyfriend cheated on you. It’s shitty that he’s _still_ cheating on you! But how long are you going to sit around playing the victim? _One_ guy betrayed your trust. So you’re just giving up on the rest of them too?” Oikawa pulled his leg back to deliver another kick. “If you’re so hellbent on not being one of those dumb romcom bitches, then _man the fuck up and quit feeling so sorry for yourself!_ ”

Sugawara rolled off the couch to avoid another kick.

“Ugh,” he sneered, taking a swig from his beer and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he glared up at Oikawa. “Sure, you’ve got the _face_ of the gay best friend who convinces the dumb romcom bitch to get revenge on her cheating boyfriend but _god_ your personality is just _garbage_.”

“ _That makes two of us._ ”

Sugawara sighed. “I… I’m sorry. I know. I’m annoying. I’m just… confused right now. It’s confusing knowing that he’s going out almost every other night and cheating on me, but then… he comes home and it’s… normal.” He gulped. “He acts normal. And if I didn’t know what was going on… I would just think it was normal. I would think that nothing was wrong. Sometimes… I almost forget.” He stared down at his beer, running his thumb over the label. “Sometimes everything feels so normal and he… acts so good to me, like he always has… and I almost forget what he’s doing behind my back. It makes me doubt. What if… what if we’re wrong? What if he isn’t actually cheating? What if what you saw was a one-time drunken accident and he didn’t even go home with the guy? What if that hickey was just a bruise or a bug bite or something else?”

“Suga-chan—”

“And I know… I _know_ that it’s probably not. But I can’t help but doubt. I haven’t seen it myself. I haven’t heard him admit that he’s doing it.” He slowly tore the label from the beer bottle, fingers trembling. “So even though I trust you, and I can see hints of it now… I don’t know. I just… there’s still this part of me that hopes that all of this is just one big misunderstanding. Then there’s another part, the part that reminds me that I’ve been sleeping with Daichi for weeks now… that hopes that it’s not.” His bottom lip quivered and he rubbed his eyes when they stung. “I dunno. I just wish I was sure.”

Neither of them spoke for a long minute.

And Sugawara felt so damn stupid.

What was he even doing? Why was he playing these games, sneaking around, searching for petty revenge? Why didn’t he just confront Malcolm?

_Because who’s to say he would even tell you the truth?_

If he was such a good pretender that he could act like he still loved him and only him… what would stop him from lying through his teeth when Sugawara confronted him?

“You think you would feel better if you knew for sure?” Oikawa’s voice broke the silence.

Sugawara opened his eyes and stared at the knees of his jeans. “Yeah… I think so. In the very least, it would help me make an actual decision on what to do.”

“That settles it then.”

Sugawara glanced over his shoulder at him.

Oikawa finished his beer and slammed the bottle down on the table.

He gave him an intense stare, leaning an elbow on his knee.

“Get proof.”

* * *

 

“ _I feel like we never see each other anymore._ ”

Sugawara sat on the stone bench and stared down at his sneakers as he toed at a leaf on the sidewalk beneath him.

“Yeah,” he said into his cell phone, voice soft. “Sorry. We’ve both been pretty busy lately, huh?”

Malcolm was silent.

“With me working extra hours and you working nights so often…” Sugawara hummed. “Our schedules are kinda fucked, I guess.”

“ _Yeah…_ ”

“ _Psst_!”

Sugawara lifted his head and spotted Oikawa standing a short distance away on the sidewalk. He lifted a hand in question, eyebrows lifting.

He cleared his throat and said into the phone, “I gotta go.”

“ _What are you doing?_ ”

“Picking up Oikawa’s car from the mechanic.”

“ _You’re at the mechanic right now?_ ”

“Not yet.”

“ _Which mechanic is it?_ ”

Sugawara narrowed his eyes at the sudden anxious shift in his tone.

“I don’t know… I’ve never been there before.”

“ _Where is it?_ ”

He hesitated. “Near the university,” he lied.

Malcolm released a breath of relief. “ _Okay. Just… do me a favor and don’t go to the place on the west side of town, across from the old theater._ ”

Sugawara peeked over his shoulder at the old theater across the street, the sign boasting a matinee of a movie that hadn’t been shown on the big screen in at least a decade.

“Why not?” he asked, facing forward again.

“ _No reason. It’s just… a shitty mechanic._ ”

Sugawara drummed his fingers on his thigh. “Well, it’s not like I have a car anyway. Can’t see why I would ever go there.”

Malcolm let out a huff of laughter. “ _That’s true. Okay well… I guess I’ll see you later?_ ”

“Yeah. I don’t know when I’ll be home though.”

“ _Alright… I’ll be here._ ”

They said their goodbyes and Sugawara stuffed his phone into the back pocket of his jeans. He stood and walked purposefully up to the door of the building in front of which Oikawa stood.

“What’s up?” he asked.

Sugawara stared up at the sign over the door. “Malcolm doesn’t want me to ever come to this mechanic.”

Oikawa hesitated. “Do… do you think the guy he’s fucking works here?”

“I don’t know. But I’m gonna find out.” Sugawara grabbed the door and threw it open. He strode into the cool building, eyes darting around the room warily. There was a small sitting area to the right of the door, in which were several empty chairs pushed up against the wall and a short table with stacks of magazines at the center. Straight ahead was a tall counter, the skinny monitor of a computer sitting atop it.

Standing behind the computer was a thick man with spiky black hair and piercing green eyes. He glanced in Sugawara’s and Oikawa’s direction as they walked inside.

“Hey,” he greeted them. “Oikawa Tooru?”

“That’s me,” Oikawa said.

Sugawara looked at him and he returned the look. Oikawa shrugged and walked up to the counter.

Sugawara followed, eyeing the man suspiciously.

He wasn’t Malcolm’s type. Too… gruff and manly looking. He had a stern brow and hard jawline, shoulders wide and heavily muscled. Totally not Malcolm's type. Malcolm was more in to… well… guys like Sugawara.

“I changed your brake pads,” the man said, folding his bulging arms on the counter. “That’s what the screeching was. It was idling rough because you needed a new fuel filter. Rule of thumb with older models like yours, you should probably get that replaced around every two years or so. Yours was in pretty bad shape.”

“Oh…”

Sugawara gave Oikawa an amused stare, knowing full well that he had been running his car for the past five years without ever once taking it in to be serviced.

Oikawa refused to meet his eyes.

“Iwaizumi, where the fuck did you hide the sixty gal compressor?”

Sugawara stiffened at the sound of the familiar voice.

All three of them turned towards the door off to the left of the room through which Daichi walked, wiping his hands on a small towel.

He wore a pair of faded, grease stained jeans and a tight, white, tank top and _oh_ _shit_ Sugawara had never been so attracted to someone in his entire life.

“I didn’t hide it anywhere,” the man behind the counter said. “You were the one who used it last.”

“Bullshit. I—” Daichi paused when his eyes fell on Sugawara and Oikawa. He blinked in shock, gaze darting towards the front door.

Sugawara cleared his throat, cheeks flushing with heat.

“He-hey,” he called, voice weak.

“Hey…” Daichi replied. “What are…” he paused, eyes widening. “Hold on!” He turned and fled back through the door from which he had appeared.

Once he was gone, the room fell silent. Oikawa turned to him, left eyebrow cocked.

Sugawara scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. “That’s… that’s him.”

“Him?” Oikawa’s eyes narrowed. “The one…” he paused. “Him… you mean…” His jaw dropped. “ _Daichi? That’s Daichi?_ ”

Sugawara winced and nodded.

“ _Fuck!_ Okay I get it. Earth hot suddenly makes sense.”

Sugawara groaned.

“Oh.”

They turned towards Iwaizumi, who eyed Sugawara with mild interest.

“So you’re Suga?”

He cringed. “Yeah…”

“Nice to finally meet you,” Iwaizumi said.

Sugawara blinked. “Finally?”

He hummed and clicked some things on the computer, staring at the screen. “That bastard hasn’t shut up about you for the past few weeks. Been a constant headache.”

Oikawa elbowed Sugawara but he couldn’t meet his eyes. His heart thudded in his chest and he looked away.

He wasn’t staying in his lane.

The door opened again and Daichi ran into the room, panting slightly. He walked right up to Sugawara and lifted a vibrant pink and green leaf, the speckles of green forming a heart in the very center.

Sugawara stared at it with wide eyes before slowly looking up at him, mouth going dry.

Daichi grinned a crooked smile and rubbed the back of his head.

“Do you have any like this yet?”

Sugawara slowly reached up to take the leaf from him.

He couldn’t speak. He stared down at it, running the pads of his fingers over the smooth surface, tracing the heart shape.

Once the silence just started to stretch too long, Iwaizumi cleared his throat.

“Oikawa, follow me and I’ll uh, talk to you about your car.”

“Ri-right. Okay.”

Sugawara kept his eyes centered on the leaf until their footsteps receded and then disappeared following the sound of a door closing.

“Something wrong?” Daichi asked, voice gentle.

Sugawara gulped. “Do… do you have like… an office or some other back room with a locking door?”

He felt Daichi step closer to him.

“What for?” His voice dropped several octaves and the rumbling sound sent a thrill down Sugawara’s spine.

“What the fuck do you think?” he mumbled.

“It doesn’t matter what I think.” Daichi reached up and gripped his chin, lifting his face until he had no choice but to meet his eyes.

He shivered at the intensity of his stare.

“I want to hear you say it,” Daichi whispered.

Sugawara’s breath turned short and he wet his lips with a quick swipe of his tongue.

“Take me in back and fuck me,” he said, voice wavering. “Or else I’ll give your shop a bad _Yelp_ review.”

Daichi chuckled. He released his chin and slid a hand around to the small of his back.

“No need for threats,” he said, tugging him off in the direction of the door. “I’ll gladly do you for free.”

Sugawara swallowed.

Daichi led him from the waiting room and down a short hallway. At the end of it was a glass door that appeared to lead to the garage, but before reaching it, Daichi pulled him into a room to the left.

Sugawara glanced around the small, unassuming, dimly lit office as Daichi closed the door behind them.

The sound of the lock clicking made his stomach tighten in anticipation.

He walked further into the room, rounding the cluttered desk to approach the potted plant in the corner, sitting atop a file cabinet. He reached out and gently stroked the large, colorful leaves.

“You’re insatiable,” Daichi said.

Sugawara pulled his hand away. “Are you talking about the sex or…”

He chuckled and moved around the desk to stand behind him. His hands spread over his hips and then trailed up, touch light and slow, almost painfully so. He kissed the side of his neck, lips gentle and warm.

“And to think I wasn’t going to come in to work today…” he mumbled against his ear. “Lucky me…”

Shivers exploded across his skin and Sugawara turned his head to allow for better access to the tender spot beneath his ear.

“So you’re a mechanic?” he murmured, slightly breathless and barely able to focus on anything other than the way Daichi’s hands roamed lazily over his chest. “That’s one mystery solved.”

“The mystery of how I earn my paychecks?”

“The mystery of why you want Malcolm dead.”

Daichi fell silent.

“He sold you his Thunderbird, didn’t he?”

“He sold me _garbage_.” Daichi clicked his tongue.

Sugawara set his leaf aside, on a stack of papers, and turned towards him. He hesitated, wondering if he ought to ask the next question.

He probably didn’t want to know the answer.

But… well…

Maybe he did.

“How much?” he asked.

Daichi eyed him silently.

“How much?” Sugawara pressed. “What did you buy it for?”

He sighed. “Fifteen.”

Fury tightened in Sugawara’s chest and he closed his eyes.

“Hundred or grand?”

“… grand.”

Fifteen thousand dollars. Malcolm had fifteen thousand dollars that he never told Sugawara about. Just what the hell was he doing with that kind of money? Wasn’t that the sort of thing one would tell his boyfriend about?

Why would he keep something like that a secret from Sugawara?

It wasn’t like he was some sort of gold digger who would try to take it from him.

Malcolm didn’t even have a job when he met Sugawara.

Clearly Sugawara wasn’t in this for _money_.

So then why the hell wouldn’t he tell him that he had sold his classic car for fifteen grand?

_Bastard._

_Fucking bastard._

Sugawara opened his eyes and dropped down to his knees. He gripped Daichi’s belt and roughly unbuckled it.

“What are you—”

“He can go ahead and keep it,” he growled. “Fifteen grand. Whatever. I don’t want it anyway. If he wants to keep that kind of money a secret from me, even though I pay more in rent than him… _whatever_.”

“Honey…”

“Liars will lie about anything,” he went on, ripping open the front of Daichi’s pants. “Fuck it. Who cares? He might as well lie about money too. As if cheating wasn’t bad enough. It’d be out of character if he _didn’t_ also keep this shit a secret from me. I—”

Daichi grabbed Sugawara’s wrists and dragged him back to his feet. He turned him and leaned his hips back against the desk. He held his jaw in one hand, the other sliding around to the small of his back.

“I don’t want you to be thinking about him while sucking my dick,” he murmured, holding his stare.

Sugawara blinked, mouth going dry.

“I don’t want you thinking about him _at all_ when you’re with me,” Daichi corrected. His fingers slipped under his shirt and his nails dug into his skin. “The only thought about him I’ll accept is _Malcolm could never make me feel this good_. Understand?”

Sugawara’s heart thudded and he gulped.

“Ye-yeah.”

“Good…” Daichi leaned in and kissed him tenderly on the lips. “Now for the next few minutes… forget he exists. Concentrate only on me.” His fingers slid under the waistband of his pants and chills shot down Sugawara’s spine. “Say my name.”

“Dai-Daichi…”

“Again.”

“Daichi…”

Daichi kissed him, long and deep. He released his jaw and reached down to unbutton his pants, taking his time as his tongue swept into his mouth and worked his head into a dizzy haze. When the pants were open, he pushed them slowly down and slipped his hand into his boxers. Sugawara gripped his shirt with trembling hands, knees going weak.

By the time Daichi broke off their kiss, Sugawara was breathless, hips twitching at the motion of his hand as he lazily stroked him.

“What’s on your mind?” Daichi asked, voice a low whisper as he pressed his lips to his ear, raising goosebumps on his skin.

Sugawara let out a soft moan, leaning his forehead against his shoulder.

“Daichi,” he panted.

“Who?”

“ _Daichi."_

Daichi lifted and set him down on the desk, planting hot kisses against the side of his throat. Sugawara wrapped his legs around his hips and squeezed him tight. In the corner of his eye, he spotted the leaf sitting on a pile of papers.

He bit down on his bottom lip, brows furrowing.

And he didn’t know if he could even find his lane at this point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For as long as it took me to edit this, you think it'd be a longer chapter.  
> Nope, I'm just lazy and don't know how to focus.
> 
> Sorry it's so short and not much happens this week, Pals. Next update will be longer! (I say, not knowing if that's true or not but let's just assume it is)
> 
> Thank you for all the support and love, I appreciate you all so very much and I hope you know that!!!
> 
> Come yell at me on [Tumblr.](https://mooifyourecows.tumblr.com/)  
> [Misery's Company Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0VIS1hwzYLDruc9LIbHWby?si=Fiwr-zIDRt2t3_vhIzIg8w)
> 
> Next Time:  
> Proof


	4. Twice Broken Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wrong again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moods:  
> [Silence](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07b-QNLSYOg)  
> "Why'd you wear disguises?  
> Why'd you have to cut me?  
> Then act like it's nothing  
> This time I'm not bluffin'  
> How'd you know I'm bluffin'  
> Every single time"
> 
> [Freaking Out](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyHxSb5VSDs)  
> "Swear that when I met you, you got up inside my head  
> You said you'd never leave while we were laying in your bed  
> It's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine if it's never the same  
> It's just another story in my brain  
> I've been freaking out"
> 
> [Help Me Now](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7VzNWHqiK0)  
> "You know I hate to ask, but I just can't help myself  
> I hate it even more than you do  
> Never know when I will be through, yeah  
> I got an insecure question  
> You sure you still love me?"

“Let’s go out.”

Sugawara lifted his head and stared at Malcolm where he stood across from him at the dining table. He finished chewing his bite of muffin and wiped the crumbs from his fingers.

“Out?”

“Yeah.” Malcolm rounded the table and sat in the chair next to his. “On a date. It’s been forever since we’ve actually gone on a date.”

Sugawara hated the little flip his heart gave.

“It’s Saturday,” he said. “You usually work the night shift on Saturday, don’t you?”

“Not today.” Malcolm took his hand and twined their fingers together. “C’mon. Let’s go do stuff.”

“What kind of stuff?”

“I dunno. Uhm… Eat? And then…” He hesitated. “I dunno. We can figure that out when we’re out.”

Sugawara rolled his eyes. “So basically, we'll go eat, then walk around aimlessly for half an hour before coming home and watching TV? Sounds awesome.”

“You’re such a hater.” Malcolm’s arms flashed out and caught him around the waist. He dragged him off of his chair and into his lap. “Let me take my man out.” He playfully peppered Sugawara’s cheeks with kisses and he couldn’t help the laugh that burst from his mouth.

He wiggled in his grasp, hating, absolutely _hating_ the light, warm feeling that filled him.

“Okay, okay!” He went limp, peering up at him with a scowl. “Let’s go out. But I gotta take a shower first.”

“Yeah you do. Stinky.” Malcolm rubbed his nose against his.

“Fuck off.” Sugawara chuckled and pushed him away, wiggling out of his lap to stand. “So you'll take one after me?”

“No way, my hair actually looks good for once.” Malcolm gestured at his windswept curls. “I’ll take one when we get home.”

“Uh huh, _sure_ you will.”

“I will!”

“Whatever. Don’t worry. I’m not your mom. I won’t force you to bathe.”

Malcolm slapped his ass and Sugawara laughed as he headed towards the bathroom. Once his back was turned, his smile slipped from his lips and he rubbed his chest uneasily.

_A date._

It was already difficult enough, pretending everything was fine in the few hours that Sugawara was forced to be around him in private. Could he really keep it up once they were in public?

_On a date?_

He would fake an illness, but he had already used that excuse too many times. There was no way he would keep believing it. It was amazing he had fallen for it the first three times.

This was so… hard.

Sugawara was exhausted.

_How do cheaters cheat?_

He really didn’t know how much longer he could keep it up.

* * *

 

“It’s too fucking cold for ice cream,” Sugawara complained.

“Then stop eating it,” Malcolm said.

“But it tastes good,” he groaned and continued to lick his frozen treat.

Malcolm chuckled and moved behind him. He wrapped his arms around his waist, hugging him tight as they continued to walk, their steps now clumsy and disjointed, through the outlet mall.

“I’ll keep you warm,” he said, hanging his head over his shoulder. “So go ahead and keep eating.”

Sugawara giggled.

“Where should we go next?” Malcolm asked. “Shopping? Clothes shopping? Anything you need?”

Sugawara hummed and bit into the cone. “Not that I can think of.”

“Anything you _want_?”

“I’m poor.”

“I’ll buy!”

Sugawara stared down at his half eaten cone. “How much you willing to spend?”

Malcolm laughed. “As much as you want.” He nuzzled the side of his neck.

And Sugawara hated the shot of fuzzy warmth that spread through his chest at the easy affection.

He just… didn’t act like a boyfriend who was cheating and lying and hiding his money.

What if… what if it was all a misunderstanding?

What if Malcolm wasn’t the villain Sugawara thought he was?

He quietly finished his ice cream cone and licked his fingers, stomach churning with confusion.

“Hey, Koushi…” Malcolm’s voice went soft and low.

“Hm?”

“Let’s… get wet.”

Sugawara’s eyes drifted off towards the outlet mall square past which they were walking. In the center was a metal walkway suspended over a shallow pool. A narrow ceiling stood above, water streaming over the sides, and at intervals, water shot up from underneath, crossing it in broad arcs.

“ _No._ ”

“ _Yes_.” Malcolm released his waist just to grab his hand and started dragging him towards the fountain.

“Malcolm _no_!” Sugawara whined. “It’s too cold to get wet!”

He looked over his shoulder, grinning wide. His green eyes twinkled with mischief and _ah_ Sugawara remembered that smile.

He was absolutely _weak_ for that smile…

Malcolm pulled him to the entrance of the walkway and squeezed his hand. “Ready?”

Sugawara groaned and ceased his struggling. It was no use. Once Malcolm had his mind set on something, he never gave it up. He was too damn stubborn.

Sugawara stifled a smile and feigned irritation as he sighed and said, “Okay _fine_.”

Malcolm tugged on his hand and they bolted up the walkway, through the falling water. Several streams shot out from underneath, shocking them with the cold as it soared over their heads and seeped into their clothing.

When they burst out from the side, they were both laughing. Sugawara hung off of Malcolm’s arm and wiped water from his cheek with the sleeve of his sweater.

“It hit me right in the face!” he cackled.

“Assassinated,” Malcolm said, sweeping his fingers through his now damp hair. He looked down at Sugawara and that playful glint was back in his eyes. “Time to go back through.”

Sugawara gasped and pulled out of his grip. “ _No._ ”

Malcolm didn’t allow him to flee. He scooped him up in his arms and Sugawara squeaked, throwing his arms around his neck.

“Hold on!” He sang and bolted back the direction they came.

Sugawara shrieked and hugged him tight, hiding from the water by stuffing his face against the side of Malcolm’s neck. He could feel his clothes soaking through but couldn’t find it in him to be angry. Instead, his chest felt light. He laughed loud, unrestrained.

All of the stress and worries of the past month just…

Disappeared.

And it just _had_ to be a misunderstanding. Sugawara’s Malcolm wasn’t capable of slimy things. He was good and he was fun and he treated Sugawara well.

He loved him and _only_ him.

He had to.

They burst out on the other side of the walkway and Malcolm panted momentarily. Sugawara’s head fell back as he laughed at the sky.

“No more!” he pleaded.

“You’re right. Once more,” Malcolm said breathlessly and spun on his heels.

Sugawara screamed and kicked his feet as he bolted back through the water, ensuring that every inch of their clothes was now completely sopping wet.

On the other side, he finally set him down, panting heavily.

Sugawara giggled, leaving his arms around his neck as he leaned into him, smiling up into his face. Malcolm smiled back down at him. His curls were completely flattened, hanging over his forehead. Water dripped down and off the tip of his nose and his cheeks were flushed red.

And Sugawara remembered that face.

Malcolm wrapped his arms around his waist, smile gentling.

“What’s up?” he murmured.

Sugawara hesitated for a moment, then pushed up on his toes. He closed the distance between their lips and kissed him. Malcolm returned the kiss and they remained like that for long seconds, basking in this one sweet moment where everything was…

_Perfect._

When they separated, Malcolm chuckled and placed soft kisses against Sugawara’s cheek and along his jaw.

“You’re fuckin’ pretty,” he murmured.

Sugawara smiled. His eyes drifted over Malcolm’s shoulder and his stomach dropped to his feet.

Daichi stood across the mall square in front of a clothing store. His eyes locked with Sugawara’s and he held his stare for several seconds.

Sugawara gulped, sudden guilt filling him.

_Stupid._

Why should he feel guilty?

Daichi jerked his head in the direction of the bathrooms between two stores, held Sugawara’s eyes for another moment, then turned and walked away.

Sugawara slowly pulled away from Malcolm and met his smiling eyes.

“I gotta go to the bathroom,” he said.

“Hm, okay. Want me to come?”

“So you can watch me pee? Perve?” Sugawara teased and gave his chest a small push.

Malcolm rolled his eyes. “Alright fine, I’ll be over here.” He headed towards a stone bench, wringing out the front of his shirt.

Sugawara took a deep breath and rushed off towards the bathrooms, heart in his throat.

_Calm down._

_Calm down._

_You haven’t done anything wrong._

_You’re just on a date with your boyfriend._

_What's wrong with that?_

He hesitated one more moment outside of the bathroom before finally pushing inside.

Daichi was leaning against the sinks, arms crossed over his chest. He lifted his gaze from the floor when Sugawara entered and he felt the sting of guilt yet again.

Sugawara cleared his throat and idly checked the stalls, avoiding looking at Daichi as he made sure no one else was in the bathroom with them.

“What are you doing?” Daichi’s low voice filled the room.

Sugawara’s heart rate sped. “Checking to make sure we’re alone—”

“That’s not what I’m talking about.”

Sugawara paused and then slowly made his way over to the sinks. He stared at his reflection in the mirror and fixed his wet hair, fingers trembling.

“It’s not a big deal,” he mumbled.

“It’s not?”

“No. I’m just out with Malcolm for the day. Am I not allowed to do that?”

Daichi didn’t answer. He turned towards him and Sugawara held his breath, not meeting his eyes.

“You look like you’re having fun.”

Sugawara stared down at the faucet in front of him. “Well… it would be suspicious if I didn’t… right?”

“Is that why you kissed him? So that he wouldn’t be suspicious?”

Sugawara’s brows furrowed. “Why do you care if I kiss him or not?”

“Is that a serious question?”

He sent him a quick glare. “It’s none of your business. If I want to kiss him then I’m going to kiss him. He’s still my boyfriend after all so—”

“Your _cheating_ boyfriend.” Daichi’s eyebrows lowered.

“You don’t even know anything about that so just mind your own fucking business,” Sugawara snapped.

Daichi blinked, a look of surprise slackening his features.

Sugawara looked away, throat tightening.

“Are you… forgiving him?” Daichi asked, voice incredulous.

“I’m not…” Sugawara huffed. “How do I know that he’s even done the things that people say he’s done? How am I supposed to just _blindly_ believe everyone else?”

“Why would we lie to—”

“I can think of several reasons!” Sugawara turned towards him, anger growing hot in his chest. “You hate him! You could say anything you want just to get me to cheat! You get to hurt him and have me all at the same time. Why _wouldn’t_ you lie to me?”

Daichi lifted his chin, jaw flexing as he clenched his teeth.

“And Oikawa…” Sugawara gulped. “He wouldn’t lie to me on purpose… but it’s not like he goes to those clubs and doesn’t drink. Maybe he didn’t see or hear correctly. He was probably drunk… at _least_ tipsy… so who’s to say that what he saw there was actually the truth?” He looked away, fingers squeezing into a fist against the sink counter. “All I know is that Malcolm is _good_ to me. He treats me well and makes me laugh. He… I just can’t blindly believe that he is capable of hurting me like this. Not without seeing it myself.”

Daichi was silent.

Sugawara reached up and rubbed his eyes.

Neither of them spoke for long, silent seconds. And then Sugawara felt Daichi’s fingers brush his cheek.

He jerked away from his touch.

“Don’t _touch_ me,” he hissed. “You are _not_ my boyfriend! I don’t need… I don’t _want_ you to fucking comfort me or call me cute or give me leaves…” His brows furrowed and his eyes stung. “Just… leave me alone. You got your revenge. You have nothing else to gain from bothering with me. So just…” He swallowed. “ _Leave me alone_.”

Sugawara turned on his heel and fled the bathroom. He strode quickly to where Malcolm sat on the bench, looking at his phone. He glanced up as he approached and stood.

“Something wrong?” he asked, shoving his phone into his pocket.

Sugawara tried to wipe away his unhappy expression.

Malcolm cupped his cheeks in his hands and turned his face up, thumbs smoothing over his flushed skin.

“Bad bathroom trip?” he asked in a murmur. “Need a bran muffin?”

Sugawara snorted and pinched his stomach. “You’re annoying.”

Malcolm grinned and kissed his lips. His eyes darted past his head and grew wide.

“ _Fuck_.”

“What?” Sugawara tried to turn to look at what he saw, but Malcolm threw an arm around his shoulders and started dragging him away.

“I just saw a guy that’s really mad at me,” he mumbled. “C’mon, let’s sneak away before he comes and tries to beat me up.”

Sugawara gulped and allowed him to lead him across the square.

“Don’t see me, don’t see me,” Malcolm spoke under his breath. “I’m sorry I tricked you. Don’t see me, please.”

Sugawara gazed up at him quietly for a moment. His expression was tense, eyebrows furrowed worriedly over his darting eyes, bottom lip between his teeth.

Transparent.

Surely someone as transparent as Malcolm couldn’t lie and cheat.

He just… _couldn’t_.

Could he?

* * *

 

Malcolm let out a long groan and slammed the door behind them.

“I gotta get outta these wet cloooooothes!” he complained, tearing at his jacket.

Sugawara chuckled and toed off his shoes. “You’re the one who got us soaked. I don’t feel sorry for you.”

“I’m coooold. My underwear is riding up my aaaaaaaaass craaaaaaack. My feet huuuuurt.”

Sugawara laughed and turned towards him. He had finally managed to get his jacket off and threw it to the floor next to his boots.

“Such a baby.” Sugawara gripped the front of his shirt and pulled him close. “I’ll warm your stupid ass up.” He kissed him, gently at first. But when Malcolm’s hands slid around to his back, one slipping under his sweater, he pulled him closer, lips parting.

Malcolm slanted their mouths together, deepening the kiss.

It wasn’t long until they were both breathing hard, rubbing against one another and trying desperately to get closer.

Malcolm walked them clumsily towards the bedroom, hands traveling down and over the seat of Sugawara’s wet jeans. Sugawara dragged his fingers through his curly hair, pushing it up and away from his face.

They stumbled up to the bed and fell onto it. Malcolm sat up and dragged his shirt up and over his head, panting. When he tried to lean back down into him, Sugawara stopped him with hands against his chest.

“Shower,” he said.

Malcolm blinked at him. “Huh?”

Sugawara pointed towards the door. “Shower.”

His lips pouted. “Can’t it wait?”

“You said you’d shower when we got home.”

“Yeah but!”

“Shower.”

Malcolm let out a long groan and leaned heavily on Sugawara's hands, causing him to yelp and lock his elbows to keep him away.

"C'moooooon Babe! I'm not that dirty! The fountain washed me clean!"

Sugawara grunted when he pushed harder down against his hands. "No! You smell! Dirty, filthy animal!"

"Baaaaaaaaaaaaabe!" Malcolm rested his full weight against him and Sugawara screamed laughter, arms shaking. "I'm cleeeeeaan!"

"I refuse to let you touch me until you've showered!"

Malcolm wrestled Sugawara's arms out of the way, pinning them down to the mattress over his head.

"Noooo!" Sugawara writhed, laughing.

Malcolm leaned down and kissed him smartly on the mouth before releasing him and standing. 

“Mean. You’re mean to me,” he whined as he pulled his phone from his pocket and set it down on the night table. He shimmied out of his pants and then ditched his underwear too before giving Sugawara one last pouting frown and turning to bolt from the room.

Sugawara huffed out a laugh and sat up. He listened for the sound of the bathroom door closing, followed by the hum of water starting up.

He smiled gently and pushed his hair away from his face. His eyes drifted to where Malcolm’s phone sat on the night table and he froze.

He stared at it for several seconds.

He shouldn’t.

_I shouldn’t._

But…

Sugawara chewed on his bottom lip and quickly grabbed the phone. When he brightened the screen, the request for a patterned passcode popped up.

“ _Fuck…_ ” Sugawara hesitated. It was one of those codes with dots making up a five by five square. He stared at it for a moment before swiping out a guess. He connected the dots in a capital “M” shape.

The screen unlocked and Sugawara almost groaned at how dumb and predictable his boyfriend really was.

Once the screen was unlocked, Sugawara hesitated, warring with himself about snooping through the phone.

Had he really stooped so low?

_Yes._

_Yes I have._

Sugawara pulled up Malcolm’s messages. There were several from names he didn’t recognize, and the sight of them made his stomach drop.

He almost didn’t want to open them.

No, he _really_ didn’t want to open them.

But he had to know.

He opened the top message.

 

**_From: Alec_ **

_tonight?_

**_From: Malcolm_ **

_nah, busy._

**_From: Alec_ **

_tomorrow?_

**_From: Malcolm_ **

_maybe. I’ll get back to you_

Sugawara rubbed his lips together. The short conversation was too vague to be incriminating. He backed out of the messages and opened the next one.

 

**_From: Damien_**

_Doesn’t he ever go out of town?_

**_From: Malcolm_**

_why do you ask?_

**_From: Damien_**

_I want you all to myself for once_

_Sneaking around is boring_

**_From: Malcolm_ **

_you didn’t look bored the other night_

**_From: Damien_**

_Don’t get cocky_

_I’ve had better_

**_From: Malcolm_ **

_ouch_

_but fair. I like a challenge_

Sugawara’s chin trembled and he backed out of the conversation. He spent the next minute checking the others, heart breaking each time he found more and more evidence that he was wrong.

He was fucking _wrong_.

“ _Damn it…_ ” Sugawara rubbed his eyes. He locked the phone and placed it on the night table in the same position in which Malcolm had put it. He climbed to his feet and left the bedroom, moving swiftly to the front door of the apartment where he shoved his feet into his shoes.

He contemplated just leaving without a word, but if he did that, Malcolm might come after him. So instead, he strode up to the bathroom and knocked on the door.

“Malcolm? Oikawa is having a meltdown. I gotta go help him.”

“ _What? Wai—”_ Malcolm’s muffled voice sounded through the wood.

“Sorry, I’ll see you later. Don’t wait up.” Sugawara turned.

“ _Wait! Koushi what—”_

Sugawara rushed to the door and left. He stared at the floor beneath his feet as he hurried down the hall to the stairs. He took them two at a time all the way to the ground floor and then bolted outside. The chilled night air hit him like a hammer, blowing through his wet clothes and practically freezing them to his skin.

He turned and walked up the sidewalk.

God he was so stupid.

He couldn’t believe he had allowed himself to be tricked again.

Sugawara had always thought he wasn’t an idiot.

It was humbling... realizing that maybe he was after all.

_What a joke._

_I’m so pathetic._

He felt sick down to his stomach. Somehow it hurt more the second time, finding out that someone he trusted was lying to him. The first time, there was mostly anger and betrayal, and he had been able to let it consume him until he couldn't even feel the pain.

Somehow... the anger just wouldn't come this time.

How did Malcolm do it?

The way he kissed him, touched him, it felt so real. It felt so sincere. How did he do it?

How did he pretend so well?

“ _God damn it_ …”

He fumbled his phone out of his pocket, fingers too frozen to unlock it for long seconds. When he finally got it unlocked, he went to his contacts and, without thinking, dialed Daichi’s number.

He pressed the phone to his ear just as the tears started to flow, sliding down his cheeks and freezing against his skin with the chill of the night air.

The line rang and rang and rang before it was finally picked up.

At first, nobody spoke. Then,

“ _… yeah?_ ”

The sound of his flat, hesitant voice, so  _clearly_ not wanting to talk to him, so  _obviously_ angry with him, was the final straw.

Sugawara let out a sob and leaned against the wall of the building past which he had been walking.

“ _Suga?_ _Hey, are you okay? Suga?_ ” Daichi's voice changed. Now concerned, almost frantic.

Sugawara continued to sob, reaching up to hide his eyes behind his hand.

“You… were… right,” he managed to choke out between cries. “I’m so stupid… so stupid, stupid, stupid… stupid…”

“ _Where are you? What happened?_ ”

“I’m so stupid!” Sugawara wailed. “I went… I went through his phone… and I saw… all these guys… he’s been texting them and… and… they were making plans… meeting up… I’m so fucking _stupid_!”

“ _Are you at your apartment?_ ”

“No… I left. I lied and I left.”

“ _Where are you right now?_ ”

Sugawara looked around, up and down the dark, unfamiliar street. He sniffled and lowered his eyes to the sidewalk, vision going blurry with new tears.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, voice trembling.

“ _Can you see any stores or restaurants nearby?_ ”

“No…”

“ _Suga, I’m gonna come pick you up but you gotta help me out. How far away from your apartment are you?_ ”

“I don’t know… a few blocks…”

“ _Stay where you are and I’ll be there in a few minutes, okay?_ ”

Sugawara rubbed his eyes.

What was he doing?

After what he had said to Daichi earlier… he didn’t have the right to be calling him now.

Just what the hell was _wrong_ with him?

He gulped. “Sorry…”

“ _Suga? Just—_ ”

Sugawara hung up. He powered the phone down and shoved it back into his pocket.

He had fucked up. He didn’t deserve to have someone swoop in and save him. None of this would have happened if he had just trusted what he had been told. Malcolm cheated on him. He continued to cheat on him. He was capable of deceiving Sugawara, of lying and sneaking around behind his back. He was capable of pretending like everything was fine and wonderful, all while he had random guys blowing up his phone, making plans when Sugawara had his back turned.

Malcolm was capable of betraying Sugawara and he was _such an idiot_.

He turned and walked down the sidewalk, watching the asphalt pass beneath his feet. He didn’t know where to go. He forgot to grab his wallet on the way out the door, so he couldn’t get a hotel room for the night. He couldn’t pay for a cab and he didn’t have his bus pass…

And so he walked. He chose a direction and he walked, not caring when he lost feeling in his fingers and toes.

It didn’t matter.

He had screwed up so bad.

 _Stupid_.

* * *

 

“God fucking _damn it_ ,” Daichi hissed as he turned down yet another street, gripping the steering wheel of his car so tight that his knuckles were white.

Sugawara wasn’t picking up his calls. He was ignoring his texts.

Just where the fuck was he? He couldn’t just give him a call like that, crying and upset, just to hang up and ignore him.

“Where are you…” he whispered, peering through the windshield.

He had been driving around for an hour now, starting at Sugawara’s apartment and searching the streets surrounding. He clearly hadn't listened to him. Hadn't stayed where he was.

His worrying reached new heights the longer he searched to no avail.

Where was he?

Where the hell could he be?

Had he made it to his friend’s house? That Oikawa guy? Where did he live? Maybe he had his address on a form back at the garage. Should he go over there and try to find it? Or maybe call Iwaizumi and ask him?

Just as he was thinking it, he turned a corner and caught sight of a form staggering along the sidewalk to his right.

He sucked in a sharp breath and quickly pulled over, cutting the engine and leaping out of the car.

“Suga!”

Sugawara slowed to a stop, lifting his head at the sound of his voice. His eyes were bloodshot, expression blank as he turned to face him.

Daichi let out a sigh of relief and rounded the front of the car. “Fuck. I’ve been looking _everywhere_ for you.” He grabbed his arm and pulled him against his chest, hugging him tight.

He was frozen solid.

“Fuck. C’mon, let’s get you warmed up.”

Daichi pulled Sugawara to the car and opened the passenger door. When he was back behind the wheel, Sugawara buckled in beside him, he started the car and turned the heater on blast.

Sugawara didn’t speak, merely sank back in the seat, head turned away. Daichi stared at him for long seconds, heart aching.

He swallowed and pulled away from the curb, turning the corner and heading across town in the direction of his apartment.

They didn’t say a word for the entire trip, and once they were parked, Daichi helped Sugawara out of the car and held him around the waist as he led him to the elevator of the building and then to the third floor to his apartment.

As soon as they were inside, Sugawara grabbed Daichi by the jacket and yanked him into his lips. He thrust his tongue into his mouth and kissed him roughly.

Daichi stared at him with wide eyes, gripping his arms. He attempted to free himself but Sugawara pulled him tighter, kissing him deeper. Daichi held his face and broke away, putting space between their lips.

“Suga—”

“ _Please_.”

Daichi stared at him silently.

His bloodshot eyes filled with tears and his chin trembled.

“Please,” he said again, voice weak. “You were right. You were right. Please… have sex with me—”

“No.”

Sugawara winced, as if the word had slapped him across the face.

“I won’t sleep with you,” Daichi said. “Not when you’re like this.”

“But—”

“Come here. You need to warm up.”

Daichi led him further into the apartment. He pulled him into his bedroom and released him, giving the hem of his sweater a tug.

“First, get out of these clothes. I’ll run you a bath.” He didn’t wait for Sugawara’s agreement before turning and going into the en suite bathroom. He started the bath, testing the water until it was warm. When he went back out into the bedroom, Sugawara had stripped down to his underwear and stood shivering next to the pile of his wrinkled clothes, hugging himself.

“All of them,” Daichi said, grabbing a giant, fluffy towel from the closet.

Sugawara hesitantly shed his underwear, kicking them to the side. Daichi wrapped the towel around him and gently pulled him into the bathroom. He got him into the bathtub and knelt next to it, tenderly running his fingers through his tangled hair.

“Are you hungry?” he asked, voice soft.

Sugawara stared at him silently for a moment before giving a small nod.

“Is pizza okay?”

Another nod.

“Alright. I’ll go order something. Don’t get out of this tub until you’re completely warmed up, understand?”

Sugawara gulped and nodded.

“I’ll set out some clothes for you on the bed.”

Daichi left him there. He went out to the living room to call and order a pizza, then gathered up his clothes and threw them in the washing machine. Afterwards, he picked up the mess around the apartment, busying himself to keep from dwelling on the reality that Sugawara was in his bath.

This wasn’t how Daichi imagined the first time he’d bring Sugawara home would happen. He thought he’d have time. Time to clean and buy some houseplants that weren’t dead or dying. If he had actually had time, he would have bought flowers, set them up in a vase on the dining room table with lit candles. If he had time, his apartment would smell like hyacinths, not motor oil.

But he hadn't had time, and so Daichi was stuck with what he was given.

A naked man in his bath and stacks of classic car magazines cluttering his couch.

“You’re a fucking mess, Daichi,” he whispered to himself, hands on his hips as he stared at the dirty dishes in his sink.

Sugawara would think he was a slob at this rate.

The sound of soft footsteps drew his attention over his shoulder.

Sugawara stood on the other side of the kitchen, wearing one of Daichi’s baggy tan sweaters and black sweats. He cleared his throat and lowered his eyes to the floor.

“Thanks,” he mumbled. “And… sorry. I can… I can call Oikawa and have him pick me up so—”

“And let half the pizza I just ordered go to waste?” Daichi cocked an eyebrow. “Not on your life, Honey.”

Sugawara gulped. He pressed his lips in a tight line, brows furrowing.

“You should kick me out,” he said. “I was a dick to you. You don’t owe me anything—”

“Who said I’m doing this because I feel like I owe you?” Daichi interrupted. “It’s not like I feel like I have a sense of obligation towards you, Suga. It’s like you said.”

He hesitated, stomach twisting over what he was about to say.

“I’m not your boyfriend.”

Fuuuuuuuuuck.

That was just basic knowledge.

Daichi was _not_ Sugawara’s boyfriend.

But fuuuuuuuck it still hurt to admit out loud.

_I want to be._

_Sorry I lied about not getting attached._

_I want to be your boyfriend, please._

“Besides,” Daichi walked up to him and took his hand. “I was a dick too. I overstepped. Tried to tell you what to do.” He pulled him to the bedroom. “You were right about that not being my place.”

He ushered Sugawara into the bed, leaning him against the headboard and covering his legs with blankets. He smoothed his hair away from his forehead tenderly.

“I’m just here to make you feel good and Malcolm feel bad. Aren’t I?”

He couldn’t help the contempt that rode the words.

He really was a huge jackass. He had promised that he wouldn’t get attached. He swore that their relationship would only be physical.

Having sex with Sugawara was good.

Better than good. It was amazing. More than he ever imagined.

But it was because of the man that it was like that.

Sugawara was cute. He was funny and Daichi enjoyed talking to him, learning about him, spending time with him.

They were able to laugh and tease and it felt right.

It felt comfortable.

Daichi had never felt that way with someone before.

Maybe Sugawara had. He probably felt that way with Malcolm, before he found out the truth about his infidelity.

He had seen the way they were together earlier that day in the fountain. Sugawara had laughed louder than he had ever heard. He had shown such a soft, happy expression that Daichi had never seen. He had kissed Malcolm in a way that Daichi had never felt.

And it sucked.

It sucked seeing him with this other person, even though it was Daichi who was the _other_ man, the dick on the sly. It didn’t matter. It still stung the same seeing the person he wished more than anything to be with… with someone else.

He felt betrayed, hurt.

And it fucking sucked.

Sugawara had _warned_ him. He had told him at the very beginning not to get attached, that their relationship wouldn’t go beyond sleeping together to get back at Malcolm. He had _told_ him straight from the start that there would be nothing more.

But it didn’t stop him from wanting it.

The doorbell rang through the apartment and Daichi left Sugawara’s side to answer the door. He paid for the pizza and carried the box into the bedroom. After fetching them a couple of beers, he climbed into the bed next to Sugawara and flipped on the television mounted on the wall across from them.

They didn’t speak as they ate, watching the ass end of a shitty romcom.

Daichi couldn’t keep his eyes from wandering back to Sugawara every minute or so, discreetly watching him eat. He took too big of bites, then spent forever chewing, cheeks puffed and round.

 _Cute_.

He was so cute, and Daichi itched to tell him, to point it out. Because it was even cuter, that shocked look he got upon being complimented, followed shortly by rapidly reddening cheeks and some sort of mumbled command to shut up.

Sugawara met his eyes, almost as if hearing his thoughts. Upon seeing that he was already staring at him, his cheeks went pink and he looked quickly away, stuffing a pepperoni into his already full mouth.

Daichi smiled and looked down at the slice in his hand, keeping to himself just how cute he thought the action to be.

“Your apartment smells like oil.”

Daichi glanced at him. “Ah, yeah. Sorry. I can crack a window if you want.”

Sugawara shook his head, picking a pepperoni off of one of the slices in the box.

“I kinda like it,” he admitted. “Reminds me of my grandma.”

“Your grandma?” Daichi cocked an eyebrow.

“She has this huge barn back on the farm,” Sugawara explained, leaning back against the headboard and sipping from his beer. “And she used to fix up farm equipment in there. Tractors and combines and 4-wheelers and stuff like that. All the farmers in the area went to her when any of their equipment gave them trouble. She was practically the queen of the neighborhood. Was owed favors from _everyone_.”

Daichi smiled and leaned back on the headboard next to him. “Sounds like a badass.”

“She is. Even though she’s retired now, she still calls in those favors here and there. Last time I visited her, one of the farmers was out in her yard, building her a chicken coop.”

Daichi chuckled. “Man, I should learn how to do that. All I get from my customers is conned into buying shitty Thunderbirds.”

Sugawara let out a breathy laugh and the sound send a warm wave of relief through Daichi's chest.

“Yeah well no offense, Daichi, but my grandma is _way_ smarter than you.”

“Yikes. That’s not the kinda thing you should be telling the guy that could kick you out on the street right now.”

“Noooo,” Sugawara giggled and pulled the blanket up to his collar. “But it’s so warm here…”

“Then I guess you better be nice to me.”

He stuck his tongue out at him and took another drink from his beer.

Daichi watched him quietly as he leaned forward and snagged another slice of pizza.

“So, you’re from the country?”

“This country? Yes, I am not an immigrant. My ancestors though—”

“I’m gonna kick your ass.”

Sugawara laughed, and the sound eased Daichi’s tense muscles.

“Yeah, I’m a country kid,” he said. “Born and raised. Just moved to the city a couple of years ago.”

“Why did you move?”

Daichi was aware that he was getting too deep. Sugawara had told him himself that getting to know him was just the next step to falling in love with him but, well…

It was probably too late for him anyway.

“Hmm… I thought I’d like it better,” Sugawara admitted. “I was one of those annoying brats who thought the small town life was below him. Not as bad as _Oikawa_ but… yeah.”

“And?” Daichi pressed. “Is city life everything you ever imagined it to be?”

“Even worse.”

Daichi chuckled. “As a born and raised city kid, yeah. That sounds about right.”

“It’s so loud.” Sugawara scrunched his nose and took a huge bite from his pizza. His next words were muffled by his full mouth. “So many sirens. Honking. Neighbors. Drunks. Once, a drunk guy stood outside my apartment building and screamed at birds for three hours. _Three hours._ ”

“Ah, the soothing ambiance of inner city.”

Sugawara let out a huff. “And it _smells_. Like, god, I don’t even know what that smell is, but it’s awful.”

“That’s just the air,” Daichi said, eyes glazed over.

“Worst part though?” Sugawara frowned. “It’s so _dangerous_.”

Daichi hummed. “Well I dunno about that. As far as cities go, ours is pretty safe—”

“It’s _not_ safe.”

Daichi blinked at him.

His face had gone serious, eyes lowered to his lap.

“It’s not safe,” he said again, voice soft. “It’s dangerous and scary. Out in the country, we never locked our doors. Not our house _or_ our cars. Grandma locked the barn just because she had other people’s stuff in there and didn’t want to be responsible if something did happen to it. But other than that?” He shook his head. “Never locked our doors. All you need out in the country is a loud dog and people don’t bother you. I never got robbed out in the country.”

Daichi eyed him. His didn’t meet his stare, picking apart his crust.

“Did… you get robbed here?”

Sugawara pursed his lips and didn’t answer.

“I’m sorry,” Daichi said, taking his silence as confirmation. “Did they take anything important?”

“No... I don't care about the things,” Sugawara mumbled. “I _do_ care about not being able to sleep in my apartment alone anymore though.”

“What do you mean?”

“Too scary,” he murmured, hugging his knees to his chest. “I start thinking, _what if they come back?_ I was lucky last time. All they wanted was my stuff. My money. But what if next time it’s me they want? What if…”

“Wait, Suga,” Daichi held up a hand, cutting him off. “Were you… were you _there_ when you were robbed?”

Sugawara gulped. He rested his chin on his knees and stared across the room.

“It was really scary.”

Daichi released a breath. He itched to hug him, to comfort him. He squeezed his hands into fists in his lap to resist the urge.

“It’s not a big deal,” Sugawara said after a moment. “It’s really not. I just… can’t sleep alone at night anymore. So that sucks.”

Daichi furrowed his brow. “What about the nights that Malcolm… ' _works late'_?”

Sugawara sniffled. He stared down at his hands as he fiddled with the hem of his sleeves.

“I stay up,” he murmured. “Drink coffee. Then take a nap when the sun’s up.”

Fury clenched in Daichi’s chest. He gritted his teeth tight together.

“Does he _know_ you can’t sleep alone?”

Sugawara inhaled deeply and let it out.

Daichi took that as a yes.

“Fucking bastard…”

Sugawara hummed. “Sure feels different now that I know he wasn’t actually working.” He let out a weak laugh. “Feels pretty bad.”

Daichi watched him rub his nose with the sleeve of his sweater, watery eyes lowered. How could someone date Sugawara Koushi and not want to spend every waking and sleeping moment with him? How could someone get so lucky to have Sugawara Koushi as his boyfriend and then squander that luck by cheating?

How could anyone cause him to make that face?

“Suga.”

Sugawara sniffled again and reluctantly met his eyes.

Daichi’s fingers itched to touch him, but he remained where he was.

“Can I comfort you?” he asked.

Sugawara blinked at him in confusion.

“You told me you didn’t want me to comfort you,” Daichi said. “You don’t want me to call you cute or comfort you or… do those other things, like I’m your boyfriend. But, I want to do those things. Can I comfort you? Please?”

Sugawara held his stare for long seconds before looking away.

“I… I guess.”

Daichi quickly closed the pizza box and tossed it to the floor next to the bed. Sugawara straightened his legs out in front of him as Daichi climbed under the blankets and they lay down on their sides. Daichi pulled him close, wrapping his arms around him, kissing his forehead.

Sugawara let out a soft breath against his throat and Daichi slipped a hand under his sweater, gently scratching his back.

“Call me,” Daichi said after a moment.

“Huh?”

“When you’re alone at night, scared. Call me. I’ll go right over. Or pick you up and bring you back here.”

Sugawara was silent.

“We don’t have to have sex or anything like that. We can just eat, watch TV, sleep. I don’t care.”

“Why?” Sugawara whispered the word, fingers curling against the front of Daichi’s shirt.

“What do you mean, why?”

“I mean _why_? Why would you want to do that? Why would you suggest anything that you don’t benefit from?”

“Oh, I definitely benefit.”

“How? You just said we wouldn’t have to have sex, right? Or were you lying—”

“I benefit because I like being around you.”

“Liar—”

Daichi rolled him onto his back and leaned over him, cupping his chin in one hand to keep their eyes locked.

“I’m not lying,” he said in a low voice. “God, you have to know it at this point.”

Sugawara looked like he was going to demand he explain himself but Daichi went ahead and beat him to the punch.

“I want to be your boyfriend,” he said. “You told me not to get attached to you, that this relationship was just business. But I completely fucking ignored you and now like you so hard that it actually really _infuriated_ me to see you and that bastard together today.”

Sugawara’s eyes widened slightly.

“It pissed me the fuck off,” Daichi went on. “Because I was jealous. I want to be the guy that holds your hand in public and takes you on dates. I want to be the guy that makes you laugh that way, smile that way, feel that way. I want to be the guy in your bed _every_ night, because I would never jeopardize a relationship with the person that makes me feel like I’m on top of the world. I would be there with you _every fucking night_ , Suga. I would _never_ let you feel lonely and scared.”

Sugawara’s cheeks flushed red and he gulped. “Are… are you asking me out right now? Seriously?”

“I’m asking you to consider it,” Daichi corrected. “I know there’s really not much I can do right now, when you’re still technically dating Malcolm. But I’m putting it out there anyway.” He slowly dragged his thumb over Sugawara’s bottom lip. “When all this is said and done and you’ve finally said goodbye to Malcolm, consider it. Consider _me_.”

They stared at one another in silence for several seconds, Daichi still trailing his thumb over his bottom lip and then up his cheek.

When Sugawara finally replied, his voice trembled slightly.

“You know I’m ruined, right?”

Daichi didn’t answer.

“Malcolm ruined me,” he went on. “I don’t trust you. I probably won’t _ever_ trust you. Or anyone else for that matter. If Malcolm could do it… you could do it. You _will_ do it, and I’ll be tricked again, this time picking myself up all alone.”

“I’d never betray you,” Daichi said.

“That’s what Malcolm told me.”

“I’m not Malcolm.”

“Yeah and I don’t know who you _are_ ,” Sugawara’s voice turned rough. “You can tell me what you will and won’t do all you goddamn want but that’s not proof. I’ve _had_ the pretty little lies, Daichi. You think I’m dumb enough to fall for them again, just like that?”

“They’re not lies.”

“Well how the hell would I know?”

“Give me a chance and I’ll show you.”

“Do you even realize what being my boyfriend after this would mean?” His brow was beginning to twist, his eyes growing glossy with unshed moisture. “Any time you miss a call or stay late for work or don’t text me back immediately, I’ll think you’re cheating. I’ll accuse you, constantly. I’ll demand that you reassure me of your feelings, of your loyalty, over and over and over and over again until you’re _sick_ of me. Until you _hate_ me. Until you’re going to the bar every night, just to get away from me. Until you meet someone else and he tells you that I don’t deserve you. That I’m too clingy and manipulative and abusive and you should be with him instead. And then—”

“I’ll kindly turn him down, slap myself across the face, and go home and hold you until you fall asleep,” Daichi interrupted the stream of words. “I’ll straighten myself out for selfishly finding your insecurity annoying. I’ll teach myself to call and text you on a schedule. I’ll find the quickest route home so that I won’t waste a single second that we could be spending together. I’ll be absolutely transparent at all times until someday you finally trust that when I say that I want you and _only_ you, you believe me.”

“No you _won’t_.”

“I will.” Daichi leaned down and pressed their lips together, holding the kiss for long, slow moments. He was acting surprisingly calm, considering how urgent he felt.

It seemed like there was too much on the line.

Felt like not convincing him now would be the end.

He finally put space between their lips and gazed down at him quietly, hunting his expression for an answer to his desperate confession.

Sugawara slowly opened his eyes again and returned his stare.

After a moment, he whispered,

“Even if you’re telling the truth… it doesn’t matter. I won’t even think about what’s next until I’ve broken up with Malcolm.”

Daichi released a soft breath and kissed him again.

“Okay,” he mumbled against his lips. “I can wait. In the meantime…” He tenderly brushed his thumb over Sugawara’s cheek. “I'll do my best to convince you.”

Sugawara snorted. “Good luck.”

Daichi smiled, rubbing their noses together.

“Oh, Honey..." He grazed his bottom lip with his teeth. "I won’t need it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly didn't like the second half of this chapter very much and planned to fix it but then a week passed and it was time to post and WHOOPS I FORGOT, so we are stuck with how it is, oh well.  
> Is everyone in love with Daichi yet?  
> I'm in love with Daichi.  
> Send help.
> 
> Thank you all for the continued support, I love you love you love you love you!
> 
> Come yell at me on [Tumblr.](https://mooifyourecows.tumblr.com/)  
> [Misery's Company Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0VIS1hwzYLDruc9LIbHWby?si=S3_tEcpHS_K-SicUGadjaw)
> 
> Next Time:  
> Self-Preservation


	5. Well Deserved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confrontation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moods:  
> [Sexual Vibe](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CE1jGvY57LU)  
> "We're on that sexual vibe, you got me on that wave  
> I'm only here for the night, so tell me, what's the play?  
> I'm under your influence when you're on top  
> You know that I'm listening, tell me what you want"
> 
> [Secret Lover](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WqNEQA3Fww)  
> "Oh I know that there's another  
> Be my secret lover  
> You've been sending the signs  
> Underneath the sheets, maybe we can meet  
> No need to turn out the light"
> 
> [I Want You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hibywoUvJl8)  
> "I want you  
> Or no one  
> No one else for me  
> You, or no one  
> No one else is strong enough  
> To slow me down in time to set me free"

_Warm_ …

There was a huge, hot mass at Sugawara’s back. Two arms were heavy around him, holding him tight against the warmth. He peeled his eyes open and blinked sleepily, vision focusing on the dimly lit bedroom and the door across it.

He glanced towards the night table next to the bed, but where there were usually blinking lights of a digital clock, this morning there were none, just an empty beer bottle and his cell phone, confirming that Sugawara was still at Daichi’s apartment instead of his own.

He inhaled a deep breath and grabbed his phone. It was still off, so he held the button on the side and powered it up, closing his eyes against the bright light of the welcome screen.

He was just dozing off again when suddenly the phone was screaming in his hand with a phone call.

The mass behind him groaned and moved, arms tightening around his waist.

Sugawara sighed and peeked through his eyelids at the screen, just long enough to answer the call and press it to his ear.

“Hullo?” he mumbled.

“ _Where the fuck are you?_ ” The voice was too loud, too aggressive for so early in the morning.

Sugawara moaned and rubbed his eyes. “What?”

“ _Koushi! Where the hell are you? You just fucking ran out last night! I’ve been calling and texting you but you just fucking disappeared off the face of the earth!”_

“Jesus… slow down,” Sugawara muttered.

“ _I called Oikawa and he said you’re not there so don’t fucking lie to me!”_

“Malcolm, I just woke up, can you please stop yelling for a goddamn second?”

The line went silent and Sugawara peeked at the screen with a yawn. He checked his text messages, ignoring the many from Malcolm and opening the ones from Oikawa.

 

**_From: Oikawa_ **

_SORRY!_

_I DIDN’T REALIZE YOU WERE USING ME AS AN ALIBI!_

_I TOLD HIM MY BROTHER NEEDED AN EMERGENCY BABYSITTER AND YOU’RE OVER THERE RIGHT NOW_

_SORRY SUGA-CHAN!!!!!!_

Sugawara yawned again and pressed the phone to his ear again.

“Okay,” he mumbled. “So? What’s going on?”

“ _Tell me where the fuck you are, right now,_ ” Malcolm said, voice low.

“God, why are you growling at me?” Sugawara said. “I’m at Oikawa’s brother’s house. He had an emergency and needed a babysitter but Oikawa couldn’t do it.”

Malcolm didn’t reply for a moment. Then, “ _Why haven’t you answered any of my calls or texts?_ ”

“Uhm, probably because yesterday you got my phone wet and then it got cold and it completely sapped the battery?”

Sugawara used his silence to yawn once more and rub the sleep from his eyes.

“ _Okay._ ”

He scowled. “Okay. No apology for yelling at me?”

He stayed stubbornly quiet for another few seconds before ignoring the question altogether and asking,

“ _When will you be home?_ ”

Sugawara clenched his jaw. “I don’t know. I guess whenever Oikawa’s brother gets back. Unless he needs me to stay another night.”

“ _Okay. I might not be here when you get back. So I guess I’ll see you tomorrow._ ”

He hung up before Sugawara could reply.

“Wow,” he muttered and stared at the screen.

Jackass.

Sugawara set the phone back down on the night table and stared across the room.

_Cheating jackass._

_What gives you the right to be angry and suspicious of me?_

_As if you aren’t doing the exact same thing?_

Though that did give him something to think about.

Malcolm was getting suspicious of Sugawara. That could very well mean that sneaking around with Daichi would suddenly get much more difficult.

That could mean that the end was suddenly very, _very_ near.

Sugawara gulped.

He didn’t know how he felt about that realization. The thought of confrontation... of facing Malcolm once he figured it all out...

Sugawara squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his eyelids, stomach churning.

There was no use worrying about it now. After all, Daichi was hot and huge behind him, and Sugawara was much too annoyed by Malcolm’s call to let that reality go to waste.

He maneuvered himself around in his arms until he faced him, hands against his chest. He was still asleep, face peaceful and slack where it was nestled in the fluffy pillow they shared. Sugawara examined him quietly for long seconds. Cute. It almost seemed a pity to wake him up, but not enough for Sugawara to resist.

He gently nudged him onto his back, Daichi's arms falling away from him as he rested back on the mattress with a soft sigh. Sugawara sat up and slipped on top of him, straddling his hips. He carefully lifted the hem of Daichi’s shirt and smoothed his hands over his stomach. He paid special attention circling his belly button, caressing the dark hair that trailed down under the waistband of his sweatpants.

Sugawara chewed on his bottom lip and slowly untied the draw strings of the baggy sweats Daichi had lent him. Careful not to kick him, he wiggled out of the pants and sent them to the ground. Once they were off, he settled back on Daichi's hips and leaned over him to press his lips to the side of his throat, up to his jaw. Daichi made a humming sound, turning his head to the side, but otherwise didn’t wake.

Heat was pooling in the pit of his abdomen and Sugawara was growing impatient. He slipped off of him and crawled to the side of the bed to pull open the drawer of the night table, praying for lube.

The first thing he noticed was the magazine. It was some outdoorsy magazine, the front cover showing a smiling woman with gloves on, lowering a plant into the dirt of a colorful flower bed.

Sugawara stared at it quietly for a moment. It didn’t seem like the type of magazine that Daichi would keep next to his bed. He glanced over his shoulder to be sure he was still fast asleep, then reached in and lifted the magazine out, nudging a purple highlighter out of the way.

He sat back on his heels and opened it, flipping through the pages. Near the centerfold, a bright red maple leaf slipped out from between two pages. Sugawara blinked, lifting it from where it settled in his lap. He gulped and turned to the page from where it fell.

_Best Wildflowers For Pressing, and Where to Find Them this Summer_

Sugawara’s heart skipped at the sight of the title. As he skimmed the following article, he found several lines highlighted or circled in purple. Short notes dotted the margins and Sugawara read over them with his heart hammering away in his throat.

_look this one up later_

_cheap fee!_

_only half hour drive_

_I think he'd like this place_

Sugawara quickly shoved the maple leaf back into the magazine and closed it. He sucked in a deep, trembling breath to calm his heart and slipped the magazine into the drawer. His cheeks felt too hot, almost feverish. Was he sweating? He fanned his face, mouthing expletives.

Abandoning his mission, he crawled back over to Daichi and climbed onto him once more. He leaned over him, pressing their chests together, and spent a few seconds examining his face, brushing his fingers over his cheekbones, the light scruff on his chin and jaw.

Daichi let out a low hum and leaned his head against one of Sugawara’s hands.

_Cute._

Sugawara finally understood it. It made sense, now that he was looking at him, this stupidly hot but tender man who actually  _researched_ date ideas like a lovesick teenager, just how it was feasible to think of grown adult as cute and not mean it in the most patronizing way possible.

Tingling warmth spread through him and Sugawara chewed on his bottom lip, blinking away the moisture that rose in his eyes. He leaned down and kissed him gently on the lips, prolonging it until he felt Daichi move against him. Two large, hot hands rested against his bare thighs and then began to explore his skin, sending shivers shooting down his spine.

Sugawara broke off the kiss and Daichi hummed, lifting his head slightly off the pillow.

“C’mere,” he mumbled in a low, raspy voice before kissing him again.

Sugawara melted against him, arms slipping around his neck. He let out a small breath when Daichi’s hands made their way over his bottom.

“I could’ve sworn I lent you pants last night,” Daichi murmured.

Sugawara trailed his lips across his cheekbone. “Yeah well, who asked you.”

Daichi chuckled.

Sugawara hesitated a moment and then muttered, “Malcolm called me.”

Daichi’s hands stilled momentarily before continuing their exploring, getting closer and closer to where Sugawara really wanted them to be.

“He’s getting suspicious,” Sugawara said, grazing the shell of Daichi’s ear with his teeth.

Daichi hummed. “About time.”

“He _yelled_ at me.”

Sugawara felt Daichi’s jaw clench as he pressed his lips to his cheek again.

“And so I decided…” Sugawara arched his back into his hands and then rubbed their hips together, making Daichi suck in a sharp breath. “If I’m going to get yelled at anyway… I’m not leaving this place until I do something worth getting yelled at for…”

Daichi pushed up and rolled Sugawara onto his back, bracing himself on his elbows over him. He rubbed their noses together, eyes hooded as he held his stare.

“And that’s where I come in?”

“That’s where you come _inside_ ,” Sugawara corrected, then tacked on as an afterthought, "me."

Daichi flashed a grin and kissed him, more urgently than the previous times.

“You’re delicious,” he growled against his mouth.

“Of course,” Sugawara panted, breath hitching when Daichi’s hand slipped underneath him.

“Hmm…” Daichi nipped at his bottom lip and then lifted his head. He gave him a mischievous look. “It’s too bad about that personality though…”

Sugawara snorted and yanked on his hair.

“Fuck off.”

“Never.”

* * *

 

“So… I guess I should leave…”

Daichi stifled a smile and leaned his elbows on the breakfast bar, hands wrapped around a mug of coffee. He watched Sugawara linger in the living room, wearing his freshly washed and dried clothes. He absently opened the cover of a car magazine at the top of the stack on the couch, clearly looking for any excuse to prolong his stay in Daichi’s apartment.

Daichi took a sip of his coffee and called, “You can stay.”

“No…” Sugawara said, turning away and moving towards the door. “I should go.”

Daichi grinned when he paused at a painting hanging on the wall and spent several seconds examining it closely.

“Suga, stay. I want you to stay.”

“No, I really have to go,” Sugawara moved past the painting and then paused next to the coat rack, running his fingers idly through the jackets hanging there.

“If you don’t stay, I’m going to cry,” Daichi said.

Sugawara let out a scoffing laugh. “So pathetic. But that’s too bad. I really need to leave.” He finally turned to the door and rested a hand on the handle.

And waited.

Daichi swallowed a laugh, taking a few seconds to compose himself before suggesting,

“Do you wanna eat breakfast and then go to the greenhouse and steal leaves from the plants?”

Sugawara faced him and kicked his shoes off. “God, _fine._ Since you’re _so_ thirsty to hang out with me, I guess I can spare a _few_ hours.”

Daichi covered his eyes with a hand and chuckled. “Thank you for your charity.”

“Well it’s not like I had any plans anyway.” Sugawara traveled farther into the apartment, a slight bounce to his steps and a slight flush to his cheeks. “And I’d hate to make you cry.”

“My hero.” Daichi poured a second mug of coffee.

Sugawara took it from him happily and poured creamer into it.

Daichi watched him sip it, climbing onto the stool next to his at the counter. When he set the mug down, Daichi reached over and grabbed his stool. He dragged it closer to him and Sugawara let out a squeak, holding onto the counter to keep himself from falling. Daichi pulled until he was between his thighs, and then placed a hand on the small of his back.

Sugawara cleared his throat and slid his mug in front of him again.

“Malcolm’s not expecting you home anytime soon then?” Daichi asked, examining his face slowly, enjoying every inch of flushed skin.

“He pissed me off,” Sugawara grumbled and took another drink from his coffee. “So I told him I might need to stay another night at Oikawa’s brother’s to babysit.”

“Oh?” Daichi slipped his other hand onto Sugawara’s inner thigh. “I get you for another night?”

Sugawara gulped and looked away. “Well, I was going to go stay with Oikawa—”

“Stay with me,” Daichi said. “Or I’ll cry.”

He snorted and looked down into his mug. A few silent seconds passed before he whispered, “Well… guess I gotta now…”

Daichi’s chest welled with affection and he just wanted to carry him off to bed again. It was seriously criminal, how cute the man could be.

Even worse was how much Daichi cared for him. He was completely lost at this point. There was no way he could ever recover from these feelings. He liked Sugawara so much and he would do anything to have this be a thing he got to experience all the time.

Daichi reached out and cupped Sugawara’s cheek, turning his face towards him. He leaned forward and kissed him, long and slow, tongue teasing against his and tasting just how saturated with creamer his coffee truly was.

When they parted, Sugawara gulped and whispered,

“You’re insatiable.”

“Yeah…” Daichi smirked, leaning in to steal another soft kiss. “For you… I think I am.”

* * *

 

“ _Psst_ , Daichi.”

Daichi glanced up the aisle of plants. Sugawara was crouching near the end, holding a leaf in his fingers. His eyes darted left and right and he cupped his mouth in his free hand.

“I want this one!” he whispered.

Daichi smiled and walked up the aisle towards him. He pulled his pocket knife from his jeans and handed it over.

“Safe?” Sugawara asked, pulling out the blade.

Daichi hummed and glanced around the greenhouse, but it was practically empty, save for one elderly woman gazing up at the hanging plants above her head all the way on the other side of the building.

“You’re good,” he said.

“ _Slice_ ,” Sugawara cut the leaf free and closed the knife. He passed it back over to Daichi and he slid it into his pocket, stifling a smile at the sneaky way Sugawara slipped the leaf into the bag hanging over his shoulder with the others.

“You know,” Daichi said, helping him stand. “I really don’t think it’s even against the rules to take a few leaves.”

“No, it definitely is,” Sugawara denied, walking around to the next aisle. “I got yelled at once by the guy working here.”

Daichi chuckled. “How often have you done this?”

“Well, they don’t last forever, you know?” He bent to observe the purple leaves of a plant sitting on the floor next to the shelves. “Flowers can last a few years, if you’re careful. But leaves go bad faster than that.”

Daichi blinked. “Wait. They go bad? But you have like… a whole fucking crate of albums filled with them…”

“Yeah I have a system.” Sugawara straightened and moved to the next aisle, fingers brushing the petals of a rose as he passed. “It’s almost Spring, so all the leaves I collected last Summer are expiring. Which means I’ve got about three and a half albums that need to be replaced with Spring leaves.” He crouched down next to a pot of pansies. “It might be a really lame hobby, but…” He hummed and ran the pads of his fingers over the rounded edges of the pansy leaves. “At least it’s one that never ends.”

Daichi gulped.

_Cute…_

The image of Sugawara systematically replacing his leaves with new ones, season after season, was so cute that it made Daichi’s heart strain.

He crouched down at Sugawara’s side and grabbed his face in both hands.

“Wha—” Sugawara’s eyes went wide but Daichi cut off his question by kissing him sweetly on the mouth.

When he broke off, he rubbed his thumb over the beauty mark under his left eye and mumbled,

“You’re so goddamn cute…”

Sugawara scrunched his nose and pouted his lips.

Daichi kissed him again. Sugawara leaned into him, hands touching his knees. They stayed like that for a long minute, until the sprinklers over their particular area started shooting out mist over the plants beside them.

Sugawara let out a soft shrieking laugh and pushed away from Daichi, scampering out from under the water.

Daichi followed, catching him around the waist and holding him close as they laughed and staggered across the greenhouse, to the side they hadn’t visited yet.

“After this, I gotta get some more wax paper,” Sugawara said, pausing next to a row of potted succulents. “And glycerin.”

“What are they for?” Daichi asked, watching the gentle way Sugawara’s graceful fingers stroked over the sharp tips of a striped succulent.

“The leaves,” Sugawara said. “Normally I just preserve them with the wax paper but I saw a video on the internet where the person preserved leaves in glycerin so I wanna try it out and compare.”

“You mean you don’t just flatten them under some books and move on?” Daichi lifted his eyebrows.

“Ugh that takes _forever_ ,” Sugawara made a face. “And I always forget about them. I swear just a couple weeks ago I opened a dictionary and found leaves I left in there like, six years ago. Crispy as fuck.”

Daichi laughed. They moved down the aisle and Sugawara lifted a glass orb containing air plants. He twirled it around and examined it closely with a small smile on his lips.

“So how does the glycerin or wax method work?” Daichi asked.

“Okay so,” Sugawara set the orb down and turned to him. His expression was bright, his eyes sparkling. “It’s super easy. For the wax method, you get this wax paper- and it has to be _thin_ or else it won't work right- and put it on either side of the leaves, right? Then you put some cloth over it and iron it…”

Daichi got lost listening to him explain the processes of preserving the leaves. He could listen to him for hours. The way his face lit up as he talked about it was so endearing, Daichi couldn’t help but take every single word to heart, as if he were telling him the secrets to eternal life and not how to gently peel wax paper from ironed leaves and leave just enough residue to preserve their natural color and vitality.

When he finished with his explanation, he turned and happily moved along the row of succulents, pausing every few steps to touch another plant.

“I wanna help,” Daichi said, one step behind.

“Hm?” Sugawara glanced at him over his shoulder.

“Preserve them,” he clarified. “We can do it at my place.”

Sugawara blinked.

“You… actually want to… do it with me?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I? It sounds fun.”

He looked uneasy. “It’s… not. Not really. It’s kinda boring. And monotonous. And it’s not like you do much… for the glycerin one we actually have to let them soak for a few days.”

“So?”

“So… there’s gonna be containers of leaves soaking in glycerin lying around your apartment.”

“They’ll fit right in with the greasy carburetor and stacks of classic car magazines.”

Sugawara pursed his lips. He stared at him quietly for a moment and then turned away, reaching up and brushing a lock of hair behind one ear.

“Okay…”

Daichi smiled.

_Cute…_

He slipped in close behind and wrapped his arms around his waist, hugging him to his chest as they moved down the aisle. Daichi pressed kisses to the back and side of his neck, enticing soft giggles from him.

They rounded the corner, Sugawara wiggling in his grasp and pushing at his hands when they tried to slip under his shirt, when suddenly a voice made them both freeze.

“Yeah, I know, but I changed my mind.”

Daichi released Sugawara and quickly pushed him behind the succulent shelves. He moved to his side and bent to make himself less visible, peering over the top of the shelves to where Malcolm walked side by side with a man wearing the forest green shirt of the greenhouse’s uniform.

“Lucky me,” the worker said, pausing next to a table of porcelain garden fairies to straighten the products.

“Come on, Damien, don’t be that way,” Malcolm said with a sigh, shoving his curls out of his eyes.

“I’ll be whatever way I want,” Damien replied coolly.

“It was just one—”

“I don’t really care. I don’t like when people cancel plans on me at the last second.”

Daichi glanced down at Sugawara, who peeked over the shelves next to him, jaw clenched tight. When he noticed his look, he narrowed his eyes and whispered,

“I saw a Damien in his phone.”

Daichi let out a deep breath and looked back to Malcolm and the greenhouse employee. They had made their way over to the tank of goldfish, closer to Daichi’s and Sugawara’s hiding spot.

“Tonight,” Malcolm was saying. “I’ll make it up to you.”

Damien huffed and turned his back on him, straightening filters on the shelf next to the tank.

“I thought you said you wanted me to yourself for once?” Malcolm said. “Well tonight you can have me all you want.”

Damien hesitated, glancing at him over his shoulder. “ _All_ night?”

“I’ll stay over.”

He narrowed his hazel eyes at him.

“Promise,” Malcolm held up his right hand.

Damien hummed, moving slowly to a table of discount items, even closer to their hiding spot.

It would be bad if he decided to come to the succulents next. While the pair was distracted, they should sneak out. Daichi glanced down at Sugawara and paused.

His face was emotionless, but the look in his eyes made Daichi’s stomach sink to the floor. Unshed tears gathered, leaving a glistening sheen over his eyes that bespoke the hurt he refused to show in his expression.

_Stupid Daichi_.

He wanted to kick himself.

_Duh_.

This was the first time Sugawara was actually _seeing_ Malcolm’s infidelity happen in front of his eyes. Of _course_ he would be hurt.

Daichi cupped his face in his hands and turned it towards him.

“I’ll get rid of him,” he murmured, holding his stare. “Sneak out through the back and meet me at the car, okay?”

Sugawara gulped.

“Okay…”

Daichi kissed him tenderly and then pulled back. He spent another few seconds staring into his eyes before releasing him and standing. The sick feeling in his stomach was quickly replaced with fury as he strode across the greenhouse in Malcolm’s direction. The bastard had one hand shoved into the back pocket of Damien’s jeans, lips pressed close to his ear.

Even though he already had Sugawara… even though he had a cute boyfriend with an adorable hobby and who ate like a chipmunk and whose laugh could make every muscle in Daichi’s body go weak.

Even though he had a man like that waiting for him at home every night…

“ _Malcolm!_ ” Daichi roared his name, now completely consumed by his anger.

Malcolm jumped in terror and whirled to face him, green eyes blown wide.

“ _Fuck_.” He took huge steps backwards, gaze darting side to side in search of an escape route. He threw his hands up. “Now, now, Daichi. Let’s just talk about this, okay?”

“ _Fuck_ talking,” Daichi snapped, cracking his knuckles. “I’m murdering you.”

“Wait! Wait, wait, wait! I… I know a guy! He’s got a classic Chevelle he’s trying to sell! He owes me a favor so I bet I could get him to give you a good deal!”

Daichi ignored the offer and grabbed him by the front of his jacket, pulling him close.

“ _Dami, help me out here!”_

“Please take it outside,” Damien said, voice dull.

“ _Dami!_ ”

Daichi gritted his teeth and dragged the struggling Malcolm from the greenhouse. Out in the gravel parking lot, he pulled his fist back and threw it forward, crushing it into Malcolm’s cheek.

Malcolm scrabbled at the hand holding his jacket, trying to get free while his face twisted up into pained grimace.

_Fucking coward._

Daichi punched him again, and then again.

Malcolm finally managed to pull away and stumbled back, rubbing blood from his nose with the back of his hand.

“God damn it,” he groaned, panting. “Are you satisfied now? It was just a fucking car. You’re the idiot that trusted me.”

As if it was even about the car anymore.

He didn’t even have it anyway. Had gotten rid of it the week after meeting Sugawara.

This wasn’t about that.

It was about the expression Sugawara had made back in the greenhouse.

It was about the sound of his sobs on the phone last night.

It was about Daichi’s envy that Malcolm had somehow tricked Sugawara into trusting him, into dating him, into _loving_ him, but instead of cherishing his good luck, he pulled _this shit._

Daichi couldn’t care less about that stupid fucking Thunderbird.

He strode forward and punched Malcolm again, sending him staggering backwards, spitting expletives.

“ _Fuck!_ Dude you’ve got anger issues. It was just—”

“You shut the _fuck up_ ,” Daichi silenced him. “Don’t speak. You’ve lost the right to speak.”

“Jesus Christ it was just a car—”

Daichi took a step towards him and Malcolm moved back, fists up and ready to defend against the next attack.

“You are _garbage_ ,” Daichi said, voice laced with venom. “You don’t deserve a damn thing you have. I swear to god that I won’t rest until I’ve taken the thing you care about most.”

Malcolm’s fists dipped slightly. “What the fuck does _that_ mean? Dude, I sold you a worthless car. Why are you taking it so hard?”

“Fuck your shitty ass T-bird!”

Malcolm stared at him incredulously. “If it’s not about the Thunderbird then—”

Daichi punched him again. Malcolm tripped over his feet and fell to his back in the gravel, sending out a cloud of dust. Blood dripped down from his nose and he cursed and held a hand over it with a wince.

“Keep the fifteen grand,” Daichi said, towering over him. His voice and expression had gone cold as ice as he stared down the length of his nose at him. “What I’ll be taking from you is worth far more than that anyway.”

“What are—”

Daichi didn’t wait to hear the rest of the question. He turned on his heel and walked away, crossed the parking lot and climbed the sidewalk that led around the greenhouse to the second parking lot at the back, where he had left his car. He looked over his shoulder to make sure Malcolm wasn’t following him, but the bastard was nowhere in sight.

He let out a deep, shuddering breath and dragged a hand through his hair. Once he rounded the corner of the greenhouse, he spotted Sugawara, leaning against the passenger side door of his car, clutching the strap of his bag in both hands as he stared at the ground in front of him.

He glanced up at him when he drew near, and then lowered his eyes once more. Daichi reached out towards his hands clenched tight around the strap of the bag. But when he noticed the blood on his knuckles, he hesitated, giving Sugawara the time to notice it too. As he was pulling back, Sugawara caught his fingers and held them still.

“Yours?” he asked, voice soft.

Daichi cleared his throat. “Nah…”

Sugawara was silent for a moment before letting out a huff of laughter.

“I punched him in the face,” Daichi admitted, a little sheepishly. “A few times. You know… he would get suspicious if I didn’t try to kill him at least a little bit.”

“Hmhm…” his lips curled in a small smile.

Daichi scrutinized his expression, searching for a hint as to what he was thinking.

“Suga… listen…”

“It’s okay,” Sugawara said, releasing Daichi’s hand. He looked off across the parking lot with a sigh. “I don’t care anymore.” His jaw clenched and his eyebrows lowered. “I’m just… mad, now. I’m just gonna be mad. Even…” He reached up and rubbed his eyes, sighing again. “Even when _I’m_ supposed to be the one out cheating on _him_ this time… he finds a fucking way to ruin it. He can’t let me have _anything_.”

Daichi reached up and gripped his chin, forcing him to meet his eyes.

“I’ll give you everything he won’t let you have,” he said in a low voice.

Sugawara stared at him for long seconds.

And then let out a sputter, pushing his hand away. “You’ll give me some alone time to fool around with a thick stud that hates you?”

“Hell no.”

Sugawara clicked his tongue. “Then what’s the point?”

Daichi stepped close, placing his hands on Sugawara’s hips, and kissed his jaw.

“You get _me_ ,” he growled.

“Hmm… pass.”

“You really wanna pass on the guy that has the power to make you walk your ass home right now?”

“Noooo!” Sugawara laughed and wrapped his arms around Daichi’s neck. “Don’t make me walk, Daiiiichi.” He kissed his lips. “I’ll accept your offer. Take me back to your place and fuck me on a stack of car magazines.”

Daichi rubbed their hips together. “God, Honey, you’re so hot. You know just what to say to turn me on.”

Sugawara giggled and turned his face to the side when he started nipping at his neck.

Before pulling away, Daichi paused.

“Ah, but first we gotta stop by the store for wax paper and glycerin.”

Sugawara’s wide eyes followed him as he walked around the front of the car to the driver’s side.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he said to him over the car’s roof. “You know just what to say to turn me on.”

Daichi winked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to edit again, RIP my memory or lack thereof
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, I love you all over the moon <3
> 
> Come yell at me on [Tumblr.](https://mooifyourecows.tumblr.com/)  
> [Misery's Company Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0VIS1hwzYLDruc9LIbHWby?si=roR8OM66TnWqgymun4Hhqg)
> 
> Next Time:  
> Favorite element


	6. Earth Beats All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Night out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moods:  
> [Done for Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdyllLZeviY)  
> "I won't beg for your love  
> Won't say, "Please"  
> I won't fall to the ground on my knees  
> You know I've given this everything"
> 
> [ Virtus Domum](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5t4-jN-O_jg)  
> "Why do you, why do you, why do you  
> Keep touching me like that?  
> Why do you, why do you, why do you  
> Think I will touch you back?"
> 
> [Better Off Without You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHBz5NyAtbU)  
> "I’ll be off better on rooftops  
> I’ll be off better as the day draws  
> I’ll be oh better off without you  
> And I’ll be oh better off without you"

“I’m going out.”

Sugawara turned off the water and pulled the shower curtain to the side. Malcolm leaned against the counter, arms crossed over his chest as he watched him step out onto the rug and pull a baby blue towel down from the rack on the wall to the left of the shower.

“Okay,” Sugawara said, patting his face dry before wrapping the towel around his waist.

Malcolm was silent and Sugawara did his best to ignore him, using another towel on his hair. When he was finished, and tossed the towel over the rack once more, he was still there, still watching him.

Sugawara stood next to him at the sink and grabbed his blow dryer. As he dried his hair, he stared at himself in the fogged up mirror over the sink. Feeling Malcolm’s eyes on him made his skin crawl. He wanted to demand that he leave, give him some privacy, but that wasn’t what Sugawara normally did. Normally, he didn’t mind when Malcolm was in the bathroom with him. Normally, he didn’t say a thing about him seeing him naked, hopping into the shower with him uninvited, and overstaying his welcome as he did his mundane grooming routine. Normally, Sugawara didn’t complain about that sort of stuff.

And that’s what he was trying to be at the moment.

Normal.

When his hair was dry enough, he turned off the blow drier and set it aside, pulling the cord out of the wall.

“You know, it’s been three days and you haven’t even asked why my face is like this.”

Sugawara didn’t need to look at him to know he was referring to the garish bruising decorating his nose, cheeks, and lips.

“Oh,” he said. “I just figured your smart mouth finally caught up to you.”

“That would imply I was ever _ahead_ of it.”

Sugawara smiled. He grabbed his toothbrush and wet it under the faucet.

“So you’re _not_ going to ask?”

“Would you actually tell me if I did?”

Malcolm hesitated. “Good point.”

“Hmhm.” Sugawara squeezed toothpaste onto the bristles. “I know that if it was something you want me to know, you would have told me already, right?”

Malcolm didn’t answer.

Sugawara stuffed the toothbrush into his mouth and watched him in the reflection of the mirror as he continued to stare at him, eyes wandering down his bare chest. Fear flitted through him momentarily as he wondered, not for the first time, if Daichi had left any marks on him. He assured him he didn’t, and wouldn’t, even if Sugawara could see it in his eyes whenever he was kissing his chest and stomach (and thighs) that he _wanted_ to.

Daichi really was easy to read in the heat of the moment. He wore his desire on his face, unabashed and unapologetic. And Sugawara could tell when he kissed him, lips and tongue on his chest, that he wanted to leave a mark. He could see it in the way he _almost_ sucked too long, too hard, but stopped just in time, nose scrunching and lips pursing in a spoiled pout before giving him a gentle nip instead. It was endearing, and a little hot, but Sugawara still worried that he might accidentally leave something behind for Malcolm to find.

He needed to get dressed before his anxiety drove him insane.

Sugawara spat the toothpaste into the sink and rinsed his mouth.

“You’re not going to ask where I’m going tonight?” Malcolm finally broke the silence.

Sugawara patted his mouth on the corner of his towel and opened the drawer next to Malcolm’s hip, fetching his deodorant.

“Would you tell me if I did?” he said as he applied it.

“Yeah? Why wouldn’t I?”

Sugawara shrugged and dropped the deodorant back into the drawer. “Figured maybe you were out doing hood shit with your hooligan friends and would want to protect me from being nailed as an accomplice by not telling me about it?”

Malcolm snorted and caught him around the waist, dragging him back against him when he tried to pass.

“That’s _definitely_ what it is,” he mumbled against the side of his neck.

“Such a gentleman,” Sugawara said and leaned against him, hoping his wet skin left spots on his clothes in a pathetic attempt at low tier pettiness.

Malcolm slid his lips tenderly across his skin and Sugawara closed his eyes, allowing himself to (but pretending not to) enjoy the affection. He forced himself to stay alert though, ready to pry himself away should his hands begin to wander.

They didn’t, though.

Instead, Malcolm’s arms stayed tight around his waist, locking him against his chest as he pressed gentle kisses across his shoulder.

“I love you,” he murmured.

Sugawara’s chest tightened and he opened his eyes.

“Hmm… okay, what do you want?” he forced the words out, wincing over how hard his heart pounded.

There was no way he couldn’t feel it.

“What do you mean?” Malcolm asked.

“You’re being all soft and clingy and telling me you love me?” Sugawara tugged on his arms until they loosened. “You definitely want something. Look somewhere else, Buddy, I’ve got nothing to give.”

“I don’t want anything,” Malcolm protested, following as Sugawara left the bathroom and crossed the apartment. “I just love you. And wanted to tell you. So I did.”

“Not buying it. You definitely need me to pee in a cup for you, don’t you?”

Malcolm snorted. “What kind of trouble do you think I get in to?”

“The kind that would require me peeing in a cup for you.”

Sugawara went straight to the dresser when he entered the bedroom.

“Oh c’mon, have a little faith in your boyfriend.”

“I have faith. Faith that you are a hooligan who can’t stay out of trouble.”

He used the towel to swipe the remaining moisture from his body and tossed it aside.

“When was the last time I got in trouble?” Malcolm asked, voice taking on that stubborn edge that, even now, pulled a smile to Sugawara’s lips.

He slipped into a pair of boxer briefs and then faced him, reaching out and squeezing the tip of his bruised nose, earning a grimace from him before he tugged out of the touch.

“Does that not count as trouble?” Sugawara cocked an eyebrow and moved past him to the closet.

“Okay, alright, but hey that’s different.”

“Trouble is trouble.” He thumbed through his clothes before picking out a pair of ripped, black, skinny jeans. “I’m pretty sure you didn’t get your face busted up because someone likes you _too much_.”

“You don’t know that. I’m a likeable guy. Total fun loving extrovert with a great smile and puns to spare.”

“God, please tell me it was an awful pun that earned you that fucked up face.”

“Actually, it was having two ugly parents that earned me this fucked up face.”

A laugh escaped Sugawara’s mouth and he let it happen, sliding into the pants and wiggling slightly to pull them up to his hips.

“The _bruises_ though,” Malcolm went on. “I earned those by screwing over a guy with a vicious right hook and a short ass temper.”

Sugawara gulped, heart racing at the indirect mention of Daichi.

“Like I said…” he mumbled. “Trouble is trouble. And you’re a pro at getting into it.”

He pulled a simple white v-neck from a hanger and slipped it on over his head.

“Hmm… maybe I am.” Malcolm took his hand and turned him to face him. He ran his fingers through his hair, soft gaze sliding over his face. “But it’s okay because you’re a pro at getting me _out_ of it, right?”

Sugawara stared up at him silently for long seconds.

How unfair.

Why did Sugawara have to keep falling for his charms? Over and over again… he fell for it. His heart did flips and he warmed so much under his touch that it almost hurt.

No, it definitely hurt.

“I’m not peeing in a cup for you,” Sugawara finally whispered and pulled out of his grasp.

Malcolm laughed and slouched after him as he left the closet and went back out into the living room.

“Baaaaabe!” he pouted. “I don’t need you to pee in a cup for me!”

“Uh huh. Didn’t you say you were going out? When’s that gonna happen?” He lifted his phone from the coffee table and slid it into his back pocket.

“Maybe I’ll stay in? Bug you all night?”

“You can try,” Sugawara grabbed a pair of socks from a basket sitting on the coffee table and then fell onto the couch. “But it’s gonna be hard bugging me _and_ staying in all night.”

“Huh? Why?”

“What, did you really think I was going to lounge around in skinny jeans? Seriously? I’m going out.”

Malcolm sat next to him. “Where are you going?”

Sugawara bent over his legs and pulled the socks on. “It’s my coworker’s birthday. We’re going bowling.”

“Ahhhhhhh why didn’t you invite me?” Malcolm whined. “I love bowling! You know I love bowling! I’m the best at bowling! Babe! Why do you hate me?”

“Oh my god, shut up,” Sugawara rolled his eyes. “I didn’t invite you because it’s just work friends. No loser boyfriends who think they’re better at bowling than they really are.”

Malcolm let out an indignant gasp. “I _resent that_.”

“Resent it all you want, doesn’t change the fact that you suck.”

He threw his arms around Sugawara’s waist and started nipping at his neck, letting out low growls.

Sugawara giggled and pushed at him. “Stop! God you’re such a child. I swear— _eep_!”

Malcolm dragged him onto his lap and shoved his shirt up to his collar.

“Malcolm sto—”

He pressed his mouth to his sternum and blew a loud raspberry that echoed through the room.

Sugawara let out a shriek and kicked his legs. Malcolm ignored his squirming and blew another and another raspberry, finally forcing laughter to explode from Sugawara’s mouth.

“Stop!” He pushed at his face but Malcolm was steadfast in his tickling torture. “Stop! Stop! I’m going to pee on you!”

“Kinky. I’m into that.” Malcolm broke away to wiggle his eyebrows at him.

Sugawara punched him in the cheek. “ _Ew!_ ”

“C’mon, Koushi. Give me your golden sho—”

Sugawara let out a high pitched scream to drown out his voice, still slapping at him. Malcolm laughed and swatted right back at him. They wrestled for a long minute until sweat lined both their brows and Malcolm had him on his back on the couch, pinning him down with his body.

“Nice try,” he grunted as Sugawara wriggled and fought against him. “You’re feisty, but I’m still stronger than you.”

Sugawara growled, struggling to get out from underneath him. “I’m stronger,” he panted.

“Nope. I am.”

“No. I’m stronger than you.”

“I’m the strongest in all the land. Look at my big muscles and swoon under the pressure of my flexing.”

“You’re a fucking tree branch, Bitch.”

Malcolm clasped his wrists in one hand and leaned up just enough to flex his left bicep, arrogantly showing off the bulge of his muscles.

“Look. Look at them, Babe.”

Sugawara looked away, squeezing his eyes shut. “No.”

“ _Babe. You can’t hide from the truth. Look at my superior muscles and feel shame for your Twizzler arms._ ”

“Never!”

“ _LOOK AT THEM. BABE YOU BETTER OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES AND LOOK AT MY SEXY MUSCLES OR I’M NEVER GETTING OFF OF YOU._ ”

“ _AAAAAAHHHHH!_ ” Sugawara struggled with new vigor, rocking his body back and forth before getting a sudden spike of strength and sending Malcolm rolling to the floor with a shout.

“Fuck!”

He kept his hold on Sugawara’s wrists and let out a loud groan when his body crashed down on top of him.

“Ha,” Sugawara panted. “Who’s the strong one now?”

Malcolm rested his head back on the floor and released his wrists.

“Okay,” he said, voice rough and low. He stared up at him, green eyes half lidded. His lips curled into a half smile and his hands reached up and cupped his head. “You’re stronger than me.”

He pulled him down into a kiss and Sugawara let him.

He let him because normally he would.

Because he was too tired to resist.

Because it felt natural and normal and because _he wanted to_.

The realization that he wanted it came as a sickening punch to the gut but no matter how hard he didn’t _want_ to want to… he did. He wanted so badly for things to be normal, for this to be all he knew, for everything else to sink away into oblivion, that he let himself believe it now.

Just for a little while.

Malcolm’s fingers threaded through his hair and then stroked down the back of his neck.

And Sugawara wanted to stay there, keep kissing him, keep forgetting.

But he didn’t.

He broke off the kiss and lifted his head.

“I’m gonna be late,” he murmured.

Malcolm hummed and leaned up to kiss him again. “Stay here with me instead.”

“I thought you were going out?”

He was silent for a moment and then dropped his head back down to the floor with a sigh.

“Yeah... I should probably go.”

Sugawara gulped, heart straining.

_Ouch._

Even though it was the same every time. Even though he knew, didn’t really forget like he pretended he did…

It still hurt.

_Ouch._

Sugawara climbed off of him and stood. He turned and headed for the front of the apartment, putting his back to Malcolm to wipe the expression of hurt from his face.

“How late will you be out?” Malcolm asked, following him.

Sugawara hummed and stuffed his feet into his shoes at the door. “I don’t know. Oikawa has a date coming up with some guy and he wanted me to help him draft a game plan, so I might stay at his place tonight.”

Malcolm was silent and Sugawara pulled on his grey bomber jacket. After stuffing his wallet into the back pocket of his jeans, he grabbed his keys and slipped them into the pocket on the inside of his jacket and zipped it shut.

“Is that alright?” he asked as he glanced up at Malcolm.

“Yeah, guess so,” he mumbled, refusing to meet his eyes.

“Good.” Sugawara pushed up on his toes and gave him a kiss. “See you later.”

“See you,” Malcolm sighed.

Sugawara left the apartment and walked down the hallway to the stairs. He took them down to the first floor and then out onto the sidewalk. With a deep breath, he turned and headed around the building. At the corner to the alley, he stepped off of the sidewalk and tucked his body in close to the brick wall, hunkering in to wait.

It was probably time to admit how pathetic he was.

Lying about a work party just so he could follow his cheating boyfriend and catch him in the act?

He had sunk lower than he ever thought possible.

But… he just couldn’t help it. After seeing Malcolm at the greenhouse, clearly flirting with the guy named Damien, Sugawara couldn’t get it out of his head.

This is what Malcolm did when Sugawara’s back was turned? He met up with guys at their places of work and made plans? Then what?

Only idiots would want to know more, would actually subject themselves to the torture of seeing their partner cheat on them more than once. But he couldn’t ignore it, that nagging, curious part of his mind that told him to learn what he had been missing all this time.

Sugawara really was a glutton for punishment.

He didn’t have to wait long before Malcolm made his appearance. Maybe just five minutes had passed when he exited the apartment building, glanced up and down the sidewalk, and then headed off towards downtown, hands shoved deep in the pockets of his leather jacket.

Sugawara let him get a head start before slinking off after him. He kept a good distance between them, ducking into storefronts any time it looked like he might turn and look back.

Not that he ever did. Malcolm reeked confidence at every moment of the day, and now was no different. He wasn’t doing a single thing wrong, so there was no reason for him to look over his shoulder, searching for a tail that couldn’t possibly be there.

It was almost frustrating how easily Sugawara stalked him. Would it kill him to at least _act_ like getting caught cheating on his boyfriend worried him? In at least some tiny, infinitesimal way?

After about twenty minutes of walking, Malcolm reached his destination.

It was a little night club to which Sugawara had never gone, a neon sign reading, “ _Allure_ ” blinking over the entrance. As Malcolm disappeared through the front door, Sugawara hesitated.

It would be more difficult to fly under the radar inside. Unless it was crowded that night, giving him plenty of faces to blend in to, he would probably be very easily spotted.

Risky. It was risky.

But…

Sugawara swallowed.

He had to know.

And so he pushed forward, approached the door of the nightclub, and went inside.

An instant breath of relief escaped his mouth as he emerged inside the dimly lit building. The lights that flashed through the room were disorienting and erratic and never stayed in one spot for long. Deep, booming music filled the air with wisps of cigarette smoke and the scent of alcohol. It wasn’t overly crowded that night, but plenty of people loitered about, dancing and mingling with glasses of liquor in their hands.

Sugawara slipped behind a pair as they moved in the direction of the bar and scanned the club. He found Malcolm almost immediately, recognizing his mop of curly brown hair from a mile away. He was just collecting two drinks from a bartender on the far end of the counter, giving him a charming smile and wink before turning and heading off towards a man dancing alone on the dancefloor. As he approached, the man faced him, hooded eyes smirking as he rolled his hips and swept his hands through his glitter filled red hair.

Malcolm offered him one of the drinks and he took it, sliding close to his body. A hand crept around the back of his neck and pulled him down for a wet, openmouthed kiss, which Malcolm returned with zero resistance.

_Ouch._

Sugawara turned on his heel and strode back to the front door.

He pushed through and stumbled out onto the sidewalk, chest rising and falling quickly.

A laugh bubbled up to the surface and he let it out, pressing the heels of his hands into his temples. His body was cold, trembling with…

With what?

Anger?

Hurt?

He didn’t know.

Couldn’t tell.

He laughed again, eyes stinging.

God he was so fucking stupid. Why was he so hellbent on hurting his own feelings? Just what the hell did he hope to accomplish by following Malcolm there? He _knew_ what he would find. He _knew_ that it would only wind up hurting more to see it again, with his own eyes.

But he had done it anyway.

And now…

“Fuck…”

Sugawara swiped at his eyes. He was so stupid. Only _he_ could know something for fact and still doubt it enough to need to prove it to himself again and again.

With a shuddering inhale, he turned and walked slowly up the sidewalk.

So this was what Malcolm did when Sugawara’s back was turned.

He went to the club, bought other guys drinks, kissed them.

Probably went home with them too.

The only thing Sugawara could do was laugh, again, and then again.

God he was stupid.

Eventually he found himself inside a bar, several blocks over. Since he didn’t have a real bowling party to go to, and seeing Oikawa now would definitely end in a pity fest… he’d just sit here.

And drink.

He fell onto a stool at the counter and flagged down the bartender.

“Don’t go far,” he mumbled as he collected a glass of whiskey from him. “I’ll need another as soon as this one is gone.”

The bartender gave him a look and then set the entire bottle down in front of him.

“I’ll check on ya in a bit,” he said.

“Thanks.”

Sugawara downed his first glass and immediately refilled it, needing to be drunk ten minutes ago. After finishing his second, the sound of a whistle drew his attention to his left, down the counter.

A man with wavy, shoulder length, blonde hair and striking hazel eyes watched Sugawara, whiskered chin resting in the palm of his hand.

“Hitting that bottle pretty hard,” he said, voice velvet.

“I’ve hit harder,” Sugawara said and faced forward to pour a third glass.

The man hummed. After a few seconds, he stood and moved down to the stool right next to Sugawara’s.

“Never seen a man drink like that because he had a _good_ day,” he mumbled. "Wanna talk about it? I'm a good listener."

Sugawara snorted and gulped the whiskey down. His eyes and throat burned as he lowered the glass to the counter again.

“My boyfriend’s cheating on me,” he said, voice tight.

“Oh… shit, man… that sucks.”

Sugawara laughed. “Totally sucks!” He poured another glass. “Saw him making out with some guy in the club tonight.”

“What a prick.”

“A fucking prick. But… whatever. Whatever.” Sugawara laughed again and held the whiskey out towards him. The man lifted his empty glass and Sugawara filled it for him. “I’ve known for a while now. So it’s not like… a surprise or anything.”

The man cocked an arched eyebrow. “You’ve known for a while? Then why are you still dating him?”

“Mmmm…” Sugawara set the bottle aside and sipped from his glass. “Can’t dump cheaters until you give ‘em what for, ya know?”

“Meaning?”

“Obviously. Gotta cheat back. Make him feel it too. 'S only fair.”

The man was silent for a moment, not reacting when Sugawara clinked their glasses together with a chuckle. He stared at him wordlessly for long seconds and Sugawara returned the favor.

The light mustache and beard looked good with his masculine facial structure. His ears were pierced with black studs and his neck was corded with muscle. Actually, the rest of him was corded with muscle too. He had a nice body, and good fashion sense, sporting a teal shirt buttoned halfway down his muscular chest under a sleek leather jacket. Ink decorated the skin of his chest and neck, as well as the backs of his hands where they rested on the counter in front of him.

Hot.

The guy was hot.

Sugawara didn’t know what to do with this information.

So he drank instead.

“My name is Julian,” the man said after a long pause.

“Suga.” Sugawara clinked their glasses together again.

Julian hummed. “Suga. I like that.”

“What else do you like?”

He flashed a grin and oh, that was hot too.

Air hot.

Julian was air hot, refreshing and light and yet powerful. It was different from Malcolm’s water hot, fluid and surrounding, and Daichi’s earth hot, stable and firm.

Air hot.

Felt nice.

“I like your attitude,” Julian said.

Sugawara snorted. “Oh yeah? Usually, people hate that part of me.”

“You’re proactive. I appreciate that.”

“Hm? Because I’m looking to cheat on my cheating boyfriend?”

“Because you’re taking shit into your own hands.” Julian winked. “I find that very sexy.”

Sugawara’s eyes drifted down his face. “Yeah? What else do you find sexy?”

Julian chuckled. “You’re getting straight to it, aren’t you?”

“Got a problem with that?”

“Nah, in fact, _that_ I find sexy too.”

The alcohol had already gotten to his head. Sugawara felt tingly and wobbly and just dumb enough to go home with this stranger at that very second.

He finished off his whiskey and set his glass down on the counter. He hopped off his stool and slid his hand up Julian’s thigh.

“Pay for my drinks and I’ll let you take me home right now.”

Julian’s eyes twinkled. “Well, I’d be crazy if I refused an offer like that, wouldn’t I?”

Sugawara smirked. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom. Then I’ll meet you at the door.”

He staggered off across the bar, feeling the alcohol hit harder and harder with each step he took.

It was really fucking stupid, drinking as much as he did as fast as he did. Downing half a bottle of whiskey in a ten minute time frame was never a good idea. The closer he got to the bathroom, the more he realized that he might be too far gone.

He giggled as he pushed into the bathroom, falling into a stall instead of attempting to brave the urinal on his unsteady legs.

While he washed his hands, he stared at his reflection in the mirror. His vision was slightly blurry, but he could see the drunk in his eyes. He could see it in the flush of color on his cheeks, the base of his throat. He could see it in the lazy way he blinked at himself, giggling at how ridiculous it was.

At how ridiculous _he_ was.

God he was stupid.

He really didn’t know what the fuck he was doing.

But…

Oh fuckin’ well.

_Who cares._

Julian was waiting for him at the door when he stumbled back out in the bar.

“Ready?” he asked, offering Sugawara an arm.

“Yup.” Sugawara took it, leaning into his side.

“I don’t live far from here,” Julian said as he pushed the door open and they emerged into the chilly night air.

“Good.”

He wasn’t kidding.

Sugawara didn’t think they had even walked half a block before Julian was pulling him through the door of a small brick house sandwiched between two others along the street.

On one hand, he was happy to reach their destination so quickly.

On the other hand, he hadn’t had nearly enough time to mentally prepare himself for what he was about to do.

Which was a little bit of a problem. Especially when Daichi’s face suddenly popped into his head, completely uninvited and unwelcome.

_Go away._

Sugawara didn’t want to think about Daichi. Not when he was supposed to be partaking in a drunken one night stand with a stranger he just met at a bar.

He didn’t want to feel guilty right now.

_Go away._

Julian’s hands touched his shoulders and he flinched.

“Let me hang up your jacket,” he murmured into his ear, lips brushing his skin ever so lightly.

Sugawara shivered and allowed him to slip the jacket from his arms.

As he hung it up, Sugawara kicked off his shoes, too busy concentrating on not falling over to even look around at his surroundings. Then Julian’s hand was on the small of his back, guiding him further into the house.

Daichi would be sad if he knew where he was right now.

If he knew what he was doing.

Sugawara gulped.

Not that he cared. Not that he needed to feel guilty or anything.

Sugawara and Daichi weren’t even dating. They weren’t in a committed relationship and therefore, there was nothing wrong with Sugawara sleeping with other people.

It was fine.

It was _Malcolm_ he should be thinking about. He should be feeling guilty about cheating on his boyfriend, not the guy he normally cheated on his boyfriend with.

Where was the logic in that backwards ass thinking?

Julian pulled Sugawara into a bedroom and turned to face him. He put his hands on his hips, walking backwards towards the bed. Sugawara gulped and stared at his lips, waiting for him to finally kiss him and erase all thoughts of Daichi from his head.

Not that it worked out that way.

Instead of erasing Daichi, Julian’s first kiss merely made the guilt explode in his gut and the tears fill his eyes. He wrapped his arms around Julian’s neck and leaned into the kiss, opening his mouth for his tongue and giving an encouraging moan.

It took little to no time to shed their clothes and fall into the bed. Sugawara didn’t want to give himself the chance to really think and change his mind about what was about to happen. He didn’t want to give himself the opportunity to back out.

_Go away_.

Julian hiked Sugawara’s knees up around his hips, kissing him hungrily on the mouth and grinding their groins together. Sugawara squeezed his eyes shut tighter against the sensation.

It felt good, sure.

It felt great.

Julian was hot, air hot, and Sugawara was just drunk enough to be _insanely_ turned on by his touch and his taste and his smell and _him_.

But…

Daichi would probably cry if he just so happened to barge in on them right then.

He liked him, after all. Told him so.

He liked him and thought he was cute and wanted to date him, when Sugawara finally ended things with Malcolm.

Sugawara wondered if he still would when he found out that he had a one night stand with a stranger he met at a bar.

Julian pulled slightly away and Sugawara waited, biting down on his bottom lip.

_Daichi will probably hate me when he finds out._

Sugawara felt Julian sit up, putting space between their naked bodies. He cracked his eyes open and looked up at him where he sat staring down at him, pushing his long hair from his face.

“Suga,” he said with a sigh. “Something tells me you’re not really that into this.”

Sugawara’s mouth went dry, all the moisture welling up in his eyes instead.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

Julian held his gaze silently for long seconds before giving him a crooked smile.

“It’s alright.” He moved out from between his legs and bent over the side of the bed to collect Sugawara’s pants and underwear, which he passed over.

Sugawara sat up dejectedly and pulled the clothing on.

“Sorry,” he said again.

Julian chuckled. “It’s seriously fine. I wouldn’t want to do it with someone who’s not having a good time anyway.”

“It’s… it’s not you,” Sugawara insisted. “Uhm… it’s just…”

“I know,” Julian pulled his own boxers on. “It’s your boyfriend, right?”

_No._

Sugawara stared down at the frayed hole in the thigh of his jeans. “Actually… it’s the guy I usually cheat on my boyfriend with…” he mumbled.

Julian hesitated, then let out a laugh.

“Wow, I… don’t know how I feel about that. I’m _third_ place? That hurts, a little bit.”

“Sorry…”

Julian gently stroked a hand over Sugawara’s hair. “It’s alright. Hey, don’t worry about it. Maybe… maybe you should call this other guy?”

Sugawara pursed his lips. He crawled out of bed and struggled into his shirt.

“He’s gonna scold me,” he finally murmured. “I followed Malcolm out and then drank half a bottle of whiskey and went home with a stranger. He’s gonna scold me.”

Julian chuckled and led him through the house to the front door. “Well… then maybe don’t tell him? We didn’t do anything, after all. It can be our little secret.”

He grabbed on to him when he nearly toppled over trying to pull his shoes on.

“Ugh, more secrets,” Sugawara scrunched his nose. “I can’t keep up with the secrets no more.”

Julian helped him with his jacket and then Sugawara grabbed the door handle. He paused and turned back to Julian.

“Thanks…” he said hesitantly.

Julian cocked an eyebrow, smiling. “For what?”

Sugawara lowered his eyes to the expansive tattoo covering his chest.

“I dunno,” he mumbled. “For bein’ nice to me I guess…”

Julian chuckled. He moved closer and tenderly gripped Sugawara’s chin in his fingers, turning his face up. He kissed him, lips soft, for a long moment.

“You’re sweet,” he murmured when they parted. “Hit me up if things don’t work out with this other guy.”

“No way, men are dogs.”

Julian laughed.

“Okay.” Sugawara turned to the door. “I’m leaving. Thanks for the make out. You’re really hot.”

“Thank you, I try.”

“Mmm, I like your tattoos. And your muscles.”

“Thank you.”

“And your hair. You’re really hot.”

Julian chuckled again. “Thank you.”

“Like… air hot.”

“Air hot?”

“It’s a whole thing, don’t ask.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” Sugawara opened the door and stepped out onto the stoop. He paused and looked at him again. “Thanks. You’re hot. Okay bye.”

“Get home safe.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

Sugawara closed the door on Julian’s laugh.

So he was alone once again.

Awesome.

He let out a groan and staggered down the sidewalk, rubbing his eyes. Just what the hell was his problem? Getting sloppy drunk and going home with a stranger… stupid, stupid, _stupid_! And then not even fucking the guy? How lame. Oikawa would be so disappointed in him.

Oh… maybe he should call Oikawa.

Oikawa would know exactly how to kick his ass to make him feel better. That was his best quality. He knew just how to yell at him and call him an idiot and push him around until Sugawara snapped out of his shitty attitude.

Yeah.

He should call Oikawa.

Sugawara fumbled his phone out of his pocket, wandering down the street in the opposite direction of the residential neighborhood. He passed several bars, including the one at which he had met Julian.

He unlocked his phone and hummed under his breath as he hunted for Oikawa’s contact. When he found it, he pressed the phone to his ear and looked up the street.

_Thirsty._

Maybe he could pop in on one of the bars and grab a water or something.

The phone rang three times before it was answered.

“ _Hello?_ ”

Oh.

That wasn’t Oikawa’s voice.

“Daichi why do you have Oikawa’s phone?” Sugawara slurred, nearly tripping over his feet. “Ah, whoa, fuck.”

“ _What are you talking about? You called my phone.”_

Sugawara hummed and looked at his screen.

_Oikawa_.

He let out a laugh and pressed it to his ear again. “Oh yeah. I changed your name so Malcolm wouldn’t know I been talkin’ to you. Oikawa's number is under _BitchAss_ now.”

“ _Is that so? And… what are you up to? You sound…_ ”

“Really drunk,” Sugawara finished, giggle riding off the tail end of a hiccup.

“ _You alright?_ ”

“Peachy! I’m…” he looked around. “I’m downtown. I think. I guess. Maybe.”

“ _Alone?_ ”

“Yup! Drunk and alone! Aren’t I sad?” He laughed. “So sad… heh… oh…”

Tears slipped down his cheeks and he hurriedly swiped them away, sniffling.

“ _Suga? Honey? Where are you? I’ll come pick you up.”_

Sugawara gulped, staring at the sidewalk as he walked slowly over it. “Okay…”

“ _So where are you?_ ”

He glanced up. “I’m… there are bars...”

“ _Pick one and go inside to wait for me._ ”

“Okay…” Sugawara turned to the closest bar. “I’m going in this one.”

“ _What’s it called?_ ”

“Uhm… Blue Mountain Bend. There's a cute picture of a bison on the door. I love him.”

“ _Alright, I’ll be there soon. Drink some water._ ”

“’Kay…”

Sugawara ended the call and shoved the phone back into his pocket with a sigh.

So it was Daichi after all.

That wasn’t a good idea, probably. Daichi coming to pick him up when he was… like this. When he had just been at another man’s house, in his bed, making out in the nude…

Sugawara wasn’t sure he could keep it a secret.

He pushed into the bar and was greeted by an upbeat pop song and the smell of cigarette smoke. It wasn’t crowded, much like the last one, with just a few patrons here and there, drinking and eating.

Sugawara’s mouth watered when the smell of melted cheese hit his nose and he made his way to the counter. The bartender was serving someone else, so he sat and waited, searching for the source of the smell. Before he could find it, a body sat on the stool to the right of his.

“Hey there. Can I buy you a drink?”

He looked up into the man’s face. He had warm, umber skin and long, black dreads tied in a thick bun high at the back of his head.

_Hot._

Why were all these hot men hitting on him now? Could they smell his vulnerability? Could they sense that he was loose and looking for it, even if he kind of _wasn’t_?

“If I let you buy me a drink, it’s just a drink,” Sugawara said. “I’m not going home with you. I’ve already done that tonight and it didn’t work out.”

The man blinked at him, and oof his lashes were so long and thick.

It really was a shame.

Sugawara was used to being hit on by strangers when he went out. But now was the first time that he was emotionally available (though he really kinda _wasn’t_ ). It was different, looking at these potential lovers knowing that he didn’t have the excuse of _I have a boyfriend_ to hold him back from accepting their offers.

The man chuckled. “That’s fine. Just a drink. A thank you.”

“A thank you,” Sugawara repeated. “For what?”

“For allowing me to see something so pretty tonight.”

Sugawara snorted and reached out to pat the side of the man’s face. “Oh man, on any other night I totally would’ve gone home with you after a line like that.”

He smiled, dark eyes twinkling. “Nice to know my game hasn’t weakened over the years.”

“Game still strong,” Sugawara nodded. “If only our paths crossed at a different time, different place.”

“How wistful.”

“I’m wistful.”

He chuckled and flagged down the bartender, who finished with the other customers. He ordered them two drinks and then turned back to Sugawara.

“So, Wistful, what’s your story?” he asked.

“My boyfriend is cheating on me.”

He blinked in surprise, face slackening. “Oh… oh no, I’m so sorry…”

Sugawara snorted. “I’m not.”

“You’re… not?”

“Well I mean…”

The bartender set their drinks in front of them. Sugawara lifted his and took a long drink. He sighed and set it down.

“I’m sorry I wasted a year of my life with the prick,” he said. “Sorry I actually believed he loved me. Sorry I’m still with the bastard.” He shrugged. “Sorry that I’m now currently imagining what it’d be like if I got Malcolm’s water hot, Daichi’s earth hot, Julian’s air hot, and your fire hot all together in one room. Like, would it get sexual? Probably not, because Daichi would be too busy trying to kill Malcolm and Julian is a sweetie who would probably feel uncomfortable and you… well I don’t even know your name or anything about you so you know.”

The man stared at him quietly for long seconds.

Finally, he mumbled, “Fire hot?”

“It’s a whole thing,” Sugawara waved a hand. “You’re fire hot. Like, muy Bueno spicy hot.”

The man laughed. “Well… thank you, I guess. You… are also hot.”

“I’m lightning hot,” Sugawara said.

He grinned. “Is that so?”

“Yeah. So hot it’s _shocking_.”

He laughed, throwing his head back. And Sugawara liked that sound.

“I’m not even going to argue with you on that,” he said. “I am feeling quite shocked in your presence. Though, for your consideration… _space_ hot.”

“Oh?” Sugawara cocked an eyebrow.

“Because you’re definitely out of this world.”

“Aaaahhhh,” Sugawara slapped his shoulder and he grinned. “Stop that. Or else you’re gonna go from fire hot to _melted cheese_ hot.”

“Hey, as long as I’m still hot, I’m happy.”

Sugawara giggled and sipped his drink.

“My name is Marco, by the way.”

Sugawara hummed, eyes sliding down over his sweater, which was pulled tight over his thick frame.

God, why did hot guys have to hit on him _tonight_?

“I’m Suga.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Suga,” Marco said, eyes softening.

“Hopefully not too much of a pleasure,” Sugawara lifted his chin and faced forward. “I’m not going home with you.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, I said that’s fine, didn’t I? I’m just enjoying your company.”

“Fully clothed, completely platonic company.”

“Yes. Of course.”

“It would make Daichi sad if it was more than that…” Sugawara mumbled, staring down into his glass, a somber wave washing over him.

Marco was silent for a few seconds before asking, “Is that your boyfriend?”

“Nah, no, fuck that guy, who cares if _he’s_ sad?”

“Then… who is Daichi?”

_Good question._

Sugawara finished off his drink and grinned at Marco. “Is my great company worth another drink? Maybe some nachos?”

Marco snorted and waved down the bartender. “Sure.”

* * *

 

Daichi shoved his keys into his pocket as he walked up the sidewalk in the direction of the bar inside which Sugawara had told him he would be waiting.

Drunk and wandering the streets… what had happened?

Sugawara didn’t typically go out and get drunk by himself. Something had to have happened.

The worry was driving him insane. He had barely been able to drive the speed limit, the urge to go twenty over pulsing in his veins.

What happened?

He pushed open the door of the bar and went inside, eyes sweeping the place for a familiar face.

He found him at the counter.

Sugawara was sitting on a stool, sharing a nearly empty plate of nachos with a dark skinned man in a grey sweater. Sugawara popped a chip laden with melted cheese, jalapenos, sour cream, and guacamole into his mouth, leaving a spot of sour cream in the corner of his lips as he chewed. The man sitting next to him chuckled and reached out to wipe it away with his thumb.

Jealousy exploded through Daichi and he paused to collect himself, squeezing his hands into fists at his sides.

_Don’t._

_Don’t do that._

He sucked in a deep breath and finally started forward again as Sugawara let out a laugh and took a drink from a short glass.

That didn’t look like water.

He swallowed his disapproval and approached the counter.

“No, no, but that’s not even the worst part!” Sugawara was saying. He reached out and placed a hand on the man’s thigh, making Daichi’s left eyelid twitch. “Because like, once the fireworks stopped going off, you could just hear this screaming, right? And then suddenly _BOOM!_ ” He threw his hands out wide. “ _The entire golf cart of bottle rockets exploded!_ ”

The man let out a laugh. “No fucking way… who parked it so close to the others?”

“I don’t know! Probably Mr. Henson. I think he was out to get the whole production from the beginning, honestly.”

Daichi reached the pair and cleared his throat.

They turned towards him and Daichi forced his jealous contempt from his expression when the stranger’s eyes fell on him.

“Daichi!” Sugawara reached out and wrapped his hands in the front of his hoodie, dragging him close. “We’ve got a problem!”

Daichi blinked. “Huh? What’s the problem?”

Sugawara released him, as quickly as he had grabbed him, and started patting his jacket and jeans. “I lost my wallet!”

“Oh…” Daichi reached for his own wallet in his back pocket. “I’ll pay for your drinks—”

“No need,” the man drew his attention, giving him a smile. “Already paid for.” He looked at Sugawara and winked.

“Marrrcooo my hero!” Sugawara slumped towards him, throwing his arms around his neck and planting a kiss to his cheek.

Daichi gulped, stomach roiling.

Marco chuckled and patted Sugawara’s back, not that Daichi could take comfort in the non-sexual touch. Who was he? How did they know each other? What did they do while Daichi was driving over?

It felt awful.

Daichi didn’t like this.

Sugawara released Marco and slid off of his stool. “You’re a good guy. Good, hot guy. Thank you for the nachos and drinks.”

Marco hummed. “Thank you for the good company.”

They said their goodbyes and Sugawara turned to Daichi, falling into his side and hugging his arm to his chest.

“Daichi what’re we gonna do about my wallet?”

Daichi led him across the bar, throwing one last look at Marco, who returned it with a smirk.

“Uhm, well, do you have any ideas where you might’ve lost it?”

Sugawara was silent for a moment as they left the bar and crossed the sidewalk.

“Suga?”

He groaned and rubbed his face roughly against Daichi’s arm.

“I think I know where it is.”

“Oh, that’s good then. Where is it?” He headed towards the car parked on the curb but Sugawara tugged on his arm.

“It’s not far. Can we walk?”

“Sure…”

“This way,” Sugawara pointed down the sidewalk and they headed off in that direction.

Daichi stared straight ahead, trying to erase the uneasy feeling in his gut. Sugawara was out alone… drunk… and had just been spending time with an attractive man.

The jealousy was driving him mad.

But Daichi didn’t have the right to be jealous, did he? After all… he and Sugawara weren’t dating. And he and Marco were just hanging out. It’s not like they were making out or having sex or anything.

Daichi shouldn’t be jealous.

He shouldn’t.

“Hey Daichi?”

He gulped and glanced over at him. “Yeah?”

Sugawara rubbed his cheek on Daichi’s shoulder, hugging his arm tighter. “Why the T-bird?”

“Huh?”

“I've just been wondering. Why did you want Malcolm’s Thunderbird? Do you just like that model or…”

Daichi cleared his throat. “Oh… well… that’s actually because of my dad.”

“Your dad?”

“Yeah. When I was a kid, my dad had a 1955 Ford Thunderbird convertible. Baby blue. He loved that thing almost more than us kids, I swear.”

“Impossible. More than you?”

Daichi chuckled. “I know, shocking, huh?”

Sugawara hummed and leaned away to look up into his face. “So what happened to it?”

Daichi pursed his lips. “Well, when my mom left us, Dad had to make some sacrifices to keep food on the table. So he sold it to a collector.”

“Oh no,” Sugawara’s brow furrowed.

Daichi shrugged. “He did what he had to do to raise us. For the past few years, I’ve been looking for one that I can give to him. You know… give us something to work on together." He stared straight ahead, voice softening, "Pay him back for all he sacrificed for us kids. He's a good dad. I want to make him happy.”

Sugawara was silent for long seconds. Slowly, his hand drifted down his arm and he laced their fingers together.

“He switched them, didn’t he?”

Daichi lowered his eyes to the sidewalk. “Yeah. He showed me one car, which was perfect, and then the day I went to pick it up, his friends loaded up a piece of junk that was _not_ what I had inspected. But apparently it _was_ what I paid for.”

“Sorry…”

“Don’t apologize for him,” Daichi said. “It’s not your fault your boyfriend is a con artist.”

Sugawara’s nose scrunched. “Damn hooligan.”

Daichi chuckled. “Putting it lightly… yeah.”

They walked in silence for a few moments. They were entering a small, quiet residential area and Daichi cocked an eyebrow, glancing over his shoulder.

Why were they walking this way? Had Sugawara forgotten they were looking for his missing wallet?

“Hey Daichi.”

“Hm?” He looked at him again.

Sugawara didn’t meet his eyes. “Thanks for coming to get me.”

Daichi’s chest warmed. “No problem. Uhm… sorry to… interrupt you and that Marco guy.”

He mumbled under his breath. “Earth is my favorite element anyway.”

Daichi blinked. He opened his mouth to ask what he meant by that, but Sugawara suddenly released his hand and walked up the steps in front of a small brick house.

“We’re here,” he said.

Daichi hesitated at the bottom of the stairs before following. Sugawara rang the doorbell and let out a sigh, smoothing his hands over his hair. A few seconds passed and then the door opened.

Standing in the doorway was a handsome man wearing nothing but a pair of black boxers. His skin was covered in tattoos and his long blonde hair hung loose at his shoulders in thick waves.

When his hazel eyes fell on Sugawara, a soft smile spread over his lips.

“Back so soon?” he purred.

Daichi’s stomach dropped to his feet.

He… wanted to go home.

“I lost my wallet,” Sugawara said. “Did I leave it here?”

The man’s eyes drifted over his shoulder to where Daichi stood. He hummed, examining him closely. Finally, he smiled again and took a step back into the house.

“Come on in,” he said. “I’ll check the bedroom.”

_Bedroom._

Daichi wanted to go home.

Sugawara stepped into the house and Daichi hesitated on the stoop. The man gave him a welcoming smile and Daichi swallowed his jealousy and followed Sugawara. They stood in the entrance as the man closed the door behind him and then headed down the hallway.

“Be right back,” he said and disappeared around a corner.

Sugawara hummed under his breath and ran his fingers over the hall table, momentarily tugging on the leaf of a houseplant sitting on the edge. He gave in after a few tugs and plucked the leaf, slipping it into the pocket inside his jacket.

And Daichi hated this. He just wanted to go home, go to bed, and call in sick for work the next day. Everything about this situation _sucked_. Sugawara had… he had slept with this guy, hadn’t he? Why else would he think his wallet might be here, in the _bedroom_ no less?

Daichi was miserable. And his chest hurt.

And he wanted to go home.

“Here it is.”

They both looked up the hallway as the man returned, waving Sugawara’s wallet.

“Ahhhh thank god,” Sugawara met him halfway and took it.

They joined Daichi at the door and Sugawara stuffed his wallet into his back pocket.

The man leaned down and pressed a kiss to Sugawara’s cheek and Daichi looked away.

“See you around, Suga.”

“You wish,” Sugawara said and opened the door.

The man chuckled. “Yeah, I do.”

Daichi stepped outside while Sugawara gave a wave.

“Bye Julian.”

Daichi moved down to the sidewalk, hands in the pocket of his hoodie, and stared up the street in the direction of his car.

He never should have come out. He should have ignored the call.

He should have never gone to that apartment, looking for Malcolm all those weeks ago.

This… this was too painful.

Sugawara flounced down the steps and wrapped around his arm and Daichi winced.

_Too painful…_

Their walk back to Daichi’s car was silent, other than Sugawara’s sleepy, drunken humming and occasional singing. Daichi helped him into the passenger seat and closed the door behind him. As he moved around the back of the car, he pressed a hand over his chest, his aching heart.

Awful.

It felt awful.

And worst of all, Daichi couldn’t even bring it up to Sugawara. He couldn’t tell him how this made him feel because that would only make him feel bad, and he shouldn’t feel bad because they weren’t dating.

They weren’t dating.

Daichi wasn’t Sugawara’s boyfriend.

Sugawara wasn’t Daichi’s boyfriend.

And so Daichi really had no right to ask him to, please, never do this again.

He couldn’t make a demand like that, stepping so far out of his place as just that guy he called when his boyfriend was out for the night.

Even though it was painful, and he didn’t know how to handle it, Daichi couldn’t even complain.

And it felt awful.

As he climbed behind the wheel and started the car, Sugawara sang softly to himself, staring through his window at the street beyond. Daichi didn’t speak as he pulled away from the curb and drove slowly to the corner, flicking his blinker on.

“So…” Sugawara mumbled after a minute of driving in silence. “Tonight…”

Daichi flinched.

“I followed Malcolm.”

Daichi blinked and glanced over at him, but he didn’t look away from the window, arms folding over his stomach.

“I thought that… well I just thought that maybe I needed to see what he did. Even though… I don’t need proof anymore. The texts… and the greenhouse thing was proof enough. I just…” he sighed and rubbed his eyes. “I thought I wanted to know.”

Daichi inhaled a slow breath through his nose.

So that’s what happened.

The reason why he was out alone, drunk… the reason why he had gone home with a random stranger… was all because of Malcolm.

Daichi didn’t know why he continued to be surprised when that bastard ruined yet another thing.

“He went to a little nightclub,” Sugawara went on. “He met with some guy. A different one than the greenhouse one. Redhead. He bought him a drink. And then they… they kissed. Right there in the middle of the club.”

Daichi tightened his grip on the steering wheel.

Sugawara sighed. “I dunno. I don't even know what I feel anymore. I’m just… tired.”

Daichi tried to think of something to say, but couldn’t find his voice. Even knowing that the reason Sugawara had done it was Malcolm’s fault didn’t change the fact that he had sex with another man that night.

It didn’t make it hurt less.

And Daichi didn’t trust himself not to say something stupid if he tried to speak now.

"You know..." Sugawara went on, apparently not minding Daichi's silence. "He used to have this friend that he had known since they were kids.  _Dexter_." He huffed a snorting laugh. "Nerdy ass name, huh?  _Dexter_. Like the cartoon. Ah... or the serial killer I guess." Sugawara rubbed his eyes. "He was more like the serial killer, honestly."

Daichi wasn't sure if he was prepared to hear whatever story he had to tell about this Dexter guy, but he listened quietly anyway.

"Me and Malcolm had just started dating. Like... I don't think it had even been a month yet. He introduced me to Dexter and this dude... he was big. Like, huge. All muscle, shaved head, looked like he'd done hard time, you know? I was totally intimidated."

His voice was tired, just barely louder than the sound of the road passing beneath the car's tires.

"It was fine though. At first," Sugawara mumbled. "But then we were alone one time? And like..."

Daichi tensed.

"He said something inappropriate to me. And he touched my thigh. Right here."

Daichi glanced over to see Sugawara indicate the inside of his left thigh.

"I was like,  _uhm_? But I didn't say anything about it. I just figured he was teasing me. Seemed like the type to fuck around with people. So I ignored it." He cleared his throat. "But then he did it again. And again. Getting more handsy each time. Always when Malcolm wasn't looking. I wanted to tell him. But we had just started dating... and I really liked him... and I didn't want him to think I was some... stuck up bitch who was trying to drive a wedge between them or..." He sighed again, rubbing his face.

Daichi flicked on his blinker and slowly turned down a new street.

"So I just ignored it for a while. But I guess he thought that meant I actually wanted him to make a fucking move on me. Which he did." Sugawara huffed. "One time when he got me alone, he grabbed me and kissed me."

Daichi clenched his jaw.

"I pushed him off and punched him. But Dexter  _liked_ it rough, apparently. He kissed me again and bit my lip. Split it right open." Sugawara reached up and ran a finger over his bottom lip while Daichi boiled with rage.

"He didn't get any farther than that though," Sugawara said. "I shoved him away and ran off. Went home. And then... the next day when Malcolm saw me, he asked what happened. I... I wasn't going to tell him. But I was so mad and he looked mad too and I just wanted someone to be on my side and be mad _for_ me _for once_ and..." He sighed. "I told him what Dexter did, what he  _had_ been doing. Malcolm didn't even say anything. He just took my hand and dragged me off. We got in his car and he drove me to Dexter's house. I was so scared."

Daichi braked at a stoplight and glanced over at Sugawara, watching his hands tighten in his lap.

"I was scared," he whispered. "But he didn't even ask Dexter if it was true. When he answered the door, Malcolm just pointed at me and told him to apologize. He actually believed me.  _Me._ Just some random guy he had been dating for a month, and not the guy he had been friends with almost his entire life."

The light turned green and Daichi tapped the gas, slowly rolling the car through the empty intersection.

"They started yelling at each other and eventually Dexter apologized. Sort of. But after he said sorry, Malcolm punched him. He just  _laid him out_. And then he jumped on him and kept punching him. Again, and again, and again... I thought he was going to kill him." Sugawara hummed, playing with the hem of his shirt. "I pulled him off after a while, and Malcolm kicked over part of the fence around the yard, tore off a stake, and smashed it through the window of his car. Just  _shattered_ it. Then he grabbed me and we took off. He brought me back to his place, ordered food, and held me. All night." Sugawara sniffled. "He held me, apologizing over and over and over again that he didn't notice. That he didn't defend me sooner."

He reached up and swiped at his cheeks when tears cut glistening tracks down to his jaw.

"It was at that moment when I thought..." he hesitated, staring through the window. "I thought that there was _no way_ that this man would  _ever_ hurt me."

Daichi's heart ached and he bit down on his bottom lip.

Sugawara let out a weak laugh. "And now here we are!" He lifted his hands in an exaggerated shrug and then dropped them once more. He sniffled and murmured, voice soft, "Here we are..."

Daichi gulped. "Suga... I'm sorry."

Sugawara hummed, head rolling against the headrest. "Whatever," he whispered. "I'm... not gonna be sad about it anymore." He straightened momentarily, holding his fists up. "I'm just gonna be  _mad!_ " He let out a wordless shout and fell back against the seat. "I'm just gonna be mad. And I'm gonna get the fuck over it. Because it's too tiring hanging on. And I'm fucking _exhausted_." He sighed. "So I'm not gonna be sad anymore."

He could say it again and again, but it would never convince Daichi. Even if he said he wouldn't be sad... he could see it. The pain was still there and there was nothing Daichi could do about it and that...  _sucked_.

They drove the last few blocks in silence. And then Daichi pulled up in front of Sugawara’s apartment building and parked against the curb, leaving the engine running.

Sugawara stared up at the building for a moment before turning to face him, expression confused.

“Why… here? I thought… I thought we’d go back to your pla—”

“Not tonight,” Daichi said, looking away.

Sugawara was silent for long seconds and Daichi’s heart strained. He didn't want to leave him alone when he was vulnerable like this but...

“Oh…” he finally whispered. “Uhm… okay…” He unbuckled his seatbelt and paused. He ran his fingers along the metal of the door handle and then mumbled, “Are… are you mad at me?”

Daichi rubbed his eyes. “I’m not mad,” he said. “Can we just call it a night here?”

“But why—”

"Sorry Suga, I just... I'm not in the mood tonight."

"If you're mad, you can tell me..."

"I'm  _not_ mad."

"Then why—”

“I just don't feel like sleeping with someone who’s already been fucked by some random dude in the same night,” Daichi snapped, wincing at the harshness of his tone. He hadn’t intended it to come out so angrily.

He hadn’t intended it to come out at all.

_Fuck._

How could he say that? Especially when he had been vulnerable with him just a few minutes ago?

Daichi was such a piece of shit.

Sugawara turned to him, brows furrowed.

“Huh?” he said. “What are you talking about?”

“Sorry, Suga. Could you just go?” Daichi sighed, leaning his forehead against the top curve of the steering wheel.

“But…” Sugawara hesitated. “I didn’t have sex with someone else tonight.”

Daichi stared at the glowing speedometer in confusion for long seconds before lifting his head to meet his gaze. “What?”

“I didn’t have sex with Julian,” Sugawara said. “Or Marco.” He brushed a lock of hair from his eyes and looked away. “I… was going to. I went home with Julian and was going to but… I didn’t. I left.”

Daichi’s mind was reeling, but his heart was racing, hope blooming in his chest.

“You didn’t have sex with him?”

“No. Ah… we did make out a little bit. Uhm… and took off our clothes. But that was it. He didn’t even really touch me that much. We stopped it real quick.”

“ _Why_?”

Sugawara let out a tiny pouting breath, hands curling into fists in his lap. “I dunno! I… didn’t like it.”

“Didn’t like what?”

His cheeks were red and he stared straight ahead through the windshield. “I _dunno_. I just… like… it felt good… and he was hot and nice and stuff but like…” He jerked his head away, hiding his face from view. “I just didn’t like it. Didn’t like being touched by him. Kissed by him. Didn’t like it.” He let out a humorless laugh. "Isn't that pathetic? For as mad and hurt as I am... I'm  _bad at this_. I'm  _bad at cheating._ How fucking sad is that?"

The car fell silent as Daichi stared at the back of his head in disbelief.

Sugawara… _didn’t_ sleep with Julian?

He didn’t like it… what did that mean?

Why wouldn’t he like it? If it felt good and he found him attractive and nice then…

Sugawara let out a huff and reached for the door handle again.

“Never mind,” he mumbled. “I’m going to bed.”

Daichi hurriedly locked the doors. When Sugawara yanked on the handle and the door didn’t budge, he let out a grumble and looked over at him with pursed lips and low brows, glancing down to his finger still poised over the lock on his door.

“Please let me ou—”

Daichi leaned forward over the center console and kissed him on the mouth, cutting the words short. Sugawara didn’t pull away. Instead, he leaned into it, hand falling away from the door handle. Daichi cupped his jaw in a hand and deepened the kiss, slotting their lips together and licking into his mouth. Sugawara opened up, melting back against his seat as Daichi leaned further over him.

As they kissed, Daichi’s hand slipped down from his jaw to his chest. He smoothed his fingers and palm down to his stomach and then slipped inside Sugawara’s jeans without warning.

Sugawara let out a tiny gasp, breaking their kiss.

Daichi's breath turned shallow as he palmed the front of Sugawara’s underwear and drew a soft moan from his freshly kissed lips.

“Do you like it?” Daichi asked, voice just a whisper.

Sugawara’s eyes fluttered open and he gazed up at him, panting. His hips flexed forward and he bit down on his bottom lip.

“Do you like it?” Daichi repeated, louder this time. “Do you like it when _I_ touch you?”

Sugawara moaned, brows furrowing. He gripped at Daichi’s forearm and nodded vigorously.

“Yes… yes, yes, yes. I like it.”

Daichi’s heart leapt and he slipped his hand underneath Sugawara’s underwear and touched him skin to skin, earning another whimpering moan.

“You don’t like it when other guys touch you though?”

Sugawara’s nails bit into his skin.

“Answer me, Honey.”

Sugawara’s other hand reached up and cupped the back of Daichi’s head, pulling him close until their noses touched.

“N-no,” he panted. “Don’t like… that.”

“But you like when I touch you?”

Sugawara whimpered, hips stuttering forward, thrusting weakly into his fist.

“ _Yes_ , I like it. Daichi… _ah_ … _I like it, I like it…_ _nnn_ …”

Daichi closed his mouth over his as he came, body giving a consuming shudder. He moaned and gasped against Daichi’s tongue and lips, hand falling down to his shoulder, where his fingers knotted in the fabric of his hoodie. Daichi kissed him hungrily until his entire body went weak, slumping back against his seat.

He removed his hand from his pants and pulled the seatbelt back over his lap, buckling him in. He gave him one last kiss and then sat back in his own seat, bumping the car into drive and pulling away from the curb.

Sugawara hummed. “Where are we going?”

“My place.”

He was silent for a moment. “I thought—”

“Do you not want to?” Daichi glanced over at him. 

Sugawara gulped. “I want to.”

Daichi’s heart flipped. “Do you like it?”

Sugawara’s cheeks flamed and he looked away.

Several seconds passed and Daichi wondered if he would answer him at all when his soft voice finally came.

“Of course I like it. You don’t need to keep asking me like that…”

"Maybe not," Daichi said, breathless. "But I will anyway."

Sugawara groaned and pressed his hands to his cheeks, face angled away to stare through the window.

"God you're so embarrassing..."

Daichi smiled, flicking on his blinker. "Do you like it?"

Sugawara grumbled. "Somehow..."

Daichi chuckled, entire body warming with relief.

"I'll take it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually wrote this chapter in after the fact because I wanted Suga to attempt to really embrace this whole... cheating thing.  
> Turns out he's not very good at it.  
> Bless him.
> 
> Come yell at me on [Tumblr.](https://mooifyourecows.tumblr.com/)  
> [Misery's Company Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0VIS1hwzYLDruc9LIbHWby?si=3Dfi5VMcQTG8FDWwfsFLjg)
> 
> Next Time:  
> Said too much


	7. Easy Come, Easy Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> E for Explicit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moods:  
> [La Di Da](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iiPiIHtsBAQ)  
> "Busy doing damage  
> Instead of repairing you and I  
> Then you go and take advantage of me and I can't stand it  
> Every time"
> 
> [Bad Influence](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIycaeMqYkM)  
> "You're a bad influence  
> Love the way you movin'  
> You're a bad influence  
> Love the way you do it"
> 
> [Not Ready to Dance](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PE8icvD3P1I)  
> "Here's my chance, and I'm not ready to dance  
> I wanted to, but I just don't think that I can  
> Alone in this crowded room and my mind is on you, oh  
> Here's my chance, and I'm not ready to dance yet"

Sugawara hummed as he flipped through the pages of his albums, setting aside the ones that needed to be emptied and refilled.

“I’m going to work,” Malcolm’s voice called from behind.

“’Kay!”

His cheerful reply was met with a few moments of silence before he heard soft, approaching footsteps.

Malcolm crouched down at his side and watched him stack albums.

“Time to replace them again?” he asked.

“Hmhm.” Sugawara opened a new album and flipped slowly through the pages.

Malcolm hummed and brushed the hair away from the nape of Sugawara’s neck. He leaned over and kissed him, lips lingering.

Sugawara set the album back inside the bin, concentrating on resisting the urge to shove Malcolm away. When he didn’t give any reaction to his advances, instead opening another album and flipping through it casually, Malcolm leaned away.

Sugawara placed the album back into the bin, glancing at a jar of rocks and wondering if he could convince Daichi to take him rock hunting. Or even to the beach to comb for seashells and sand dollars. Sugawara’s lips lifted in a soft smile.

“What are you going to do while I’m gone?” Malcolm’s voice interrupted his daydream.

“Oikawa is going to help me empty these,” he replied, patting the stack of albums next to his thigh. “I might stay the night at his place afterwards.”

He had set the alibi up ahead of time this time. Oikawa was staying in that night, having scored a home cooked dinner date with the hunky mechanic that worked with Daichi. He already promised to cover for him if Malcolm thought it necessary to check in.

Malcolm’s hand coasted down Sugawara’s spine.

“I feel like we never spend time together anymore,” he mumbled.

Sugawara bit back a snap and replied, “Yeah. Well… it’s not like my schedule has changed.”

“But—”

“Maybe one of these days you won’t need to cover so many shifts and we can actually hang out,” Sugawara said, praying his passive aggressive jibe wasn’t too obvious.

A few seconds ticked by.

“Maybe… tomorrow night we can have a date night. Order take out and watch movies—”

“I have plans.” Sugawara stood and gathered his albums in his arms. He carried them over to the bed and set them down again. “I promised Oikawa I would go shopping with him.”

“Can’t you do that today?”

“The place he wants to go is closed on Sundays.”

Malcolm released an exasperated breath. “How the fuck are we supposed to hang out if you’re always with Oikawa?”

“I’m not always with Oikawa,” Sugawara said and sat on the edge of the bed, reaching for the socks on the floor at his feet. “I’m free several days of the week. You just so happen to work late on those days.”

“Then why don’t you hang out with Oikawa those days and then—”

“Why should I change _my_ schedule?” Irritation was making him clumsy, and he dropped the socks, having to bend over to grab them again. “Those are the days that Oikawa is free too so of course I would spend them with him—”

“I just think you should want to make time for your _boyfriend_ —”

“What a coincidence. _Me_ fucking _too_.”

Malcolm fell silent and Sugawara finally managed to pull the socks on. He let out a sigh and rested his hands on the mattress on either side of his hips. He looked up at Malcolm and said in a tired voice,

“Why should I make time for you when you don’t ever make time for me?”

Neither of them spoke for long seconds, challenging each other with their gazes. Finally, Malcolm lifted his chin and reached out. He dragged his fingers through Sugawara’s hair, pushing it away from his forehead, and then knotted them at the back of his head.

“I’ve got a little time right now,” he whispered, thumb of his other hand touching Sugawara’s bottom lip and gently nudging his mouth open. “So let’s spend it together.”

It took all of Sugawara’s self-control to not bite his thumb off.

He knew what he wanted. The only way it could be any more obvious what he wanted was if he unzipped his pants and shoved his dick right into Sugawara’s mouth.

 _I’d rather choke_.

_Bastard._

“Well it’s nice that you have time,” Sugawara muttered. “But I don’t.”

“It won’t take long—”

“Oh _I know_.”

Malcolm blinked and Sugawara stifled a laugh. He removed Malcolm’s hands from him and stood.

“Maybe some other time,” he said and moved around him.

“Why—”

Malcolm’s question was cut off by Sugawara’s phone, beeping on his pillow. They both fell silent and Sugawara turned to fetch it but Malcolm beat him to it.

“Can I have my—” Sugawara began, but Malcolm ignored him and unlocked the screen. “Hey…”

Malcolm stared down at the phone for long seconds and Sugawara held his breath. Finally he lifted his green eyes to his face and then slowly passed the phone over.

Sugawara glanced at the text message brought up on the screen.

 

**_From: Oikawa_ **

_Ready when you are_

Sugawara locked the screen again and slipped it into the back pocket of his jeans.

“I guess I’ll see you later then,” Malcolm said, voice low.

“Yeah.” Sugawara muttered and grabbed his albums. “Later.”

Malcolm didn’t follow him from the bedroom. Sugawara hurriedly pulled his shoes on and left the apartment, carrying the albums with him down to the first floor and then out on the street. He headed around the block, sending glances over his shoulder nervously to make sure Malcolm didn’t decide to tail him.

He walked two blocks without seeing a sign of his boyfriend and finally let out a deep breath. He pulled his phone from his pocket and sent a text to Daichi telling him where to pick him up, and then walked to a coffee shop up the street.

He only had to wait two minutes before Daichi’s car was pulling up to the curb outside.

Sugawara quickly left the coffee shop and climbed into the passenger's seat, setting his albums in his lap and pulling his seatbelt on.

“Hey Honey,” Daichi greeted him, voice velvet.

“Hey Corny,” Sugawara rebutted, giving him a sly grin.

Daichi smirked and pulled away from the curb.

“Oh man Daichi, I burned Malcolm _so_ bad before I left,” Sugawara said, pushing his hair from his forehead.

“Spill.” He flicked his blinker on and turned down a new street.

“So, we got in a little bit of an argument, right? About how we never have time to spend together and he was trying to get me to change _my_ schedule?” Sugawara scowled. “Like… what the fuck? Trying to keep it so that he could still go fuck his strange and then get me on my off days too? Fuck that. So I got annoyed at him and said why should I change my schedule when he won’t? And then dude, seriously this bold ass dude…” Sugawara paused to let out a huff. “Dude decides that it’s totally a _great_ time to get a goddamn _blow job_.”

Sugawara watched Daichi’s hands tighten around the steering wheel, ignoring the pleasant flush his veiled anger gave him.

“So he gives me his _I want to fuck your mouth_ face and says _I’ve got time right now_. But I was like, _well I don’t_. And then he just _hands_ me the fucking sweet sweet line of _it won’t take long._ And I…” he paused to giggle. “I was like, _oh… I know._ ”

Daichi let out a bark of laughter and Sugawara pressed a hand over his mouth to catch his own.

“God, you _murdered_ him,” Daichi said.

“I swear, Daichi. It was so hard trying not to laugh. He looked so confused. Like he totally doesn’t know that his stamina is _weak_.” Sugawara paused, looking through the window. Slowly, his smile left his lips. “Though… I’m still pretty pissed off.”

“About the argument?”

“No. That he was actually trying to _reestablish his control_.”

“What do you mean?”

Sugawara’s nose scrunched and he looked down at the album on top of the small stack in his lap. “He thinks of blow jobs as the ultimate submission. Like, with sex, both people _should_ be getting pleasure from it. But if you’re just sucking someone’s dick, you’re putting their pleasure over yours. It’s this… weird power dynamic thing that he’s really in to. Totally gets off on the daydream that by sucking his cock, I’m completely submitting to him as his good, obedient bitch. Giving him all the control.”

Daichi didn’t reply, but Sugawara noticed his grip tighten again, saw his jaw clench in the corner of his eye.

And his anger felt good.

Felt like maybe Sugawara was right to feel the same.

They arrived shortly to their destination and then traveled in silence to his floor. Directly inside the apartment, Sugawara paused to take his shoes off.

It was different from the last times he had been there.

Cleaner.

The clutter had been organized or removed completely. There was a vase of fresh flowers sitting on the dining table, their scent mingling with fresh coffee and just a hint of gasoline at the very core.

Sugawara warmed, hugging his albums to his chest.

Daichi had cleaned for him. Had worked to make his apartment presentable, as if Sugawara was some valuable guest, and not just some easy ass.

He liked it here.

Felt like he was really welcome and not a bit alone.

Daichi tugged on the albums and Sugawara released them, allowing him to take them and set them on the table just inside the entrance of the apartment.

“So—” Sugawara began, but was cut off as Daichi suddenly pushed him up against the wall and covered his mouth with his. Sugawara kissed him back, cupping his face in his hands. They kissed fervently, breath turning shallow and ragged, until Daichi pulled away and trailed his lips down the side of his neck, hands fumbling with Sugawara’s belt.

Sugawara leaned his head back against the wall and panted, body tingling with the arousal of the sudden attack. When Daichi got the front of his pants open, he immediately sank to his knees in front of him, pulling at his boxers and freeing his erection.

Sugawara sucked in a sharp breath and stared down at him.

“What are you doing—”

Daichi silenced him by taking him instantly into his mouth. Sugawara gasped and gripped his hair, sinking against the wall as he was surrounded by wet heat. Daichi held Sugawara’s hips and leaned forward, taking him further into his mouth until Sugawara was whimpering, knees going weak.

Daichi pulled himself off and looked up at him with hooded eyes, tongue laving over the head of his arousal.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” he murmured, voice low, dripping like honey.

Sugawara gulped, heart leaping.

“I’m giving you all the control.”

* * *

 

Sugawara let out a whining groan and Daichi grinned, pausing on the trail to turn back to him where he lagged several yards back, swinging a stick at a fly that flew too close to his face.

" _Daichi_!" he whimpered. "I can't do it!"

Daichi chuckled. "Oh, we're almost there. Just a little farther."

"I'm going to die. I can see the light. Do I go into it? Daichi, should I go into the light?" Sugawara waved his hands in front of him, veering off the trail.

"You're the most dramatic bastard I've ever met." Daichi walked down to him and took his hand. "C'mon, I'm not letting you go into any damn light."

Sugawara hung off of his arm, tossing his stick aside. "You know," he panted, leaning his cheek on Daichi's shoulder and stumbling along after him as he continued, at a slower pace, up the mountain. "Just because I grew up on a farm doesn't mean I'm... you know... outdoorsy."

"Is that so?"

"Hm. I'm more...  _indoorsy._ "

"I'll be sure to remember that next time," Daichi said.

" _Next time_ ," Sugawara scoffed, poking Daichi's side. "You really think I'm going to let you take me on  _another_ date? Bold. Hoes gettin' bold up in this bitch."

"Trust me, after this, you'll be  _begging_ me to take you on another date."

"Wow. Confidence is sexy but not when it's toeing the line of being fucking  _delusional_ , Daichi. Bold ass."

Daichi chuckled, reaching up to move a low hanging branch out of the way as they passed underneath it. "You sure got a lot to say for a guy who claims to be dying."

"I am dying!" Sugawara swiped at a bug, smacking it out of the air. "This fucking sucks!"

"When I asked if you wanted to go on a picnic, you said yes."

"Yeah! Because I thought we would go like... to the park or something! Not up in the fucking mountains!"

"God, how did I never know how much of a whiner you are?"

"That's on you, Buddy. I've never pretended not to be the most annoying Jackass you ever met."

Daichi wrapped his arm around his waist and playfully nipped at the skin under his ear while Sugawara giggled and pushed at him. "So annoying," Daichi growled.

"It's your fault!" Sugawara leaned heavily into his side, gratefully accepting the support of Daichi's arm around his waist. "By this point you should  _know_ I prefer to stay home, snacking and getting laid with little to no effort on my part."

"So lazy. What would your badass grandma have to say about your shit attitude?"

Sugawara stumbled over patch of loose dirt and Daichi held him tight.

"She'd be wondering why the fuck we're out here in the woods and not at a cemetery!"

" _A cemetery?_ "

Sugawara giggled and looked up at him, eyes twinkling and nose scrunched so cutely that Daichi nearly walked into another low hanging branch.

"Back when I lived on the farm-"

"Oh, is this gonna be one of  _those_ days?" Daichi cocked an eyebrow. "A  _back when I lived on the farm_ kinda day?"

"Shut up! Back when I lived on the farm, Grandma used to take me on picnics to the cemetery."

" _Why_?"

"Because!" Sugawara swiped his arm across his forehead, clearing it of sweat. "She likes cemeteries. They're quiet."

"Yeah probably because of all the dead peo-"

"And they're pretty. We used to roam around looking at all the headstones. There was this one angel headstone that was huge, and it had all these pretty vines and flowers creeping all over it. Every time we went, I had to steal a leaf." He leaned his head on Daichi's shoulder, staring straight ahead as they continued through the trees up the mountain trail. "I'd laminate it and carry it in my wallet. It made me feel like I was carrying a tiny piece of the person's soul. The person who was buried in that plot. And by carrying them around, I was showing them the world."

Daichi smiled. He pulled Sugawara to a stop and then gripped his face in his hands. "Just when I think you're the most annoying person in the world, you say some cute shit like that," he murmured and kissed his lips. "You give me whiplash."

Sugawara scrunched his nose. "If it makes you feel better, one time I held the leaf in my fist as I punched a kid because I thought I'd get cool _Danny Phantom_ ghost punching powers."

"I don't know how that's supposed to make me feel better. That's both annoying and adorable. Now I'm just more confused."

Sugawara grinned. "Exactly as planned."

Daichi snorted and scooped him up into his arms, earning a little squeak.

"Alright," he said, turning up the path. "The punishment for how annoying you are is that we are still going to finish this hike. But the reward for your cuteness is that I'll carry you the rest of the way."

Sugawara threw his arms around Daichi's neck with a laugh. "Finally! It's about time you treated me like the spoiled bottom that I am."

"What do you mean  _finally_?" Daichi carried him up the trail, bouncing him playfully. "I've done nothing but spoil you since the moment I first saw you."

"Says the guy who forced me to come out under the  _sun_ like some sort of  _savage_."

"No, says the guy who planned a romantic date and made sandwiches and fruit salad for your spoiled ass."

"Oh my god you didn't say  _fruit salad was involved oh my god Daichi will you marry me?_ "

"Careful," Daichi met his eyes and gave him a tender smile. "You joke around but ask me that seriously and I might just go out and buy a ring."

Sugawara's eyelashes fluttered and his cheeks tinted pink. He quickly looked away, fingers tightening in the collar of his shirt at the back of his neck. "Wo-ow," he murmured. "Daichi you're so easy..."

"Says the easiest guy on the planet."

"No, says the guy who passed up two ultra Hottie McHotties at the bar the other day."

Daichi hummed, staring straight ahead at where the trail was peaking, trees growing scarce. "Guess we're just easy for each other, huh?"

Sugawara was silent for a few moments before murmuring, "Guess so..."

Daichi walked the rest of the distance up to the crest of the trail and stopped. "Well, we're here."

"Ehhh, already? But you only carried me for like thirty seco-" the complaint died on Sugawara's tongue as he looked ahead and down into the wide, open clearing stretched out before them; a small meadow of green grass and mountain wildflowers. Butterflies fluttered from bloom to bloom, mostly dominated by purples, blues, and yellows, speckled here and there with red, white, and pink. The valley hummed with the buzz of honey bees and the twittering of birds in the trees that circled it. Clouds passed over the sun, moving lazily across the sky and casting shadows over the earth.

Daichi gently lowered Sugawara to his feet once more.

"So?" he asked, voice soft. "Still prefer to picnic at a park?"

Sugawara didn't reply, still staring around with parted lips, entranced. Daichi grinned and took his hand. He led him down into the meadow, carefully stepping around the flowers and the busy insects that hummed about. Sugawara's fingers tightened around his hand and Daichi glanced at him, heart warming at the sight of his glossy eyes as he looked around in awe, now chewing on his bottom lip, chin quivering.

Daichi pulled him under the shade of a tree near the center of the meadow and pulled his bag up and over his head. He settled it in the grass and crouched next to it to unzip the top pocket.

"I brought jars," he explained, lifting a couple of mason jars from the bag. "So whatever you want to take with you won't get squished." He set them down in the grass. "So just give everything to me and I'll-"

Sugawara fell to his knees next to Daichi, one hand knotting in the front of his t-shirt, and dragged him into a deep kiss. Daichi leaned into it willingly, bracing his hands on Sugawara's thighs. Sugawara suddenly yanked on his shirt, falling back in the grass and pulling Daichi with him before immediately rolling him onto his back, stretching out on top of him.

They kissed until Sugawara was rubbing impatiently against him, letting out small moaning breaths. When he finally broke off, he nipped at Daichi's chin and then his neck.

"Did you bring lube?" he asked, voice low.

Daichi chuckled, smoothing one hand down his spine to the back of his pants. "Why would I bring lube on a picnic?"

Sugawara huffed. "Jesus, Daichi, is this your first rodeo? You're supposed to bring lube on  _every_ date."

"Ah, my bad. I'll remember that for next time."

Sugawara pushed up on his hands. "It's fine. Whatever. You've just ruined the whole day. No big deal."

Daichi growled and rolled him onto his side, throwing a leg over his and pinning them down in the grass. "Don't be so dramatic. I made fruit salad."

" _Oh my god fruit salad, Daichi are you the most perfect man to ever exist?_ "

Daichi shoved his face against Sugawara's neck, placing light bites along his skin, as his hands tickled his sides. Sugawara squealed and fought against him.

"Stop!" He pushed at his shoulders, wiggling under the weight of his leg. " _STOP_."

Daichi ignored his protests and continued to tickle him, until he was screeching laughter, tears streaming down his temples and into his hair. Eventually, his touch softened, his bites turned to tender kisses, and Sugawara calmed, sinking into the grass with a giggling hum, one hand stroking down the back of Daichi's neck.

Daichi slowly kissed up the side of his neck to his jaw, and then to his ear. Sugawara shivered and ah, Daichi was kind of disappointed that he  _hadn't_ brought lube along. He lifted his head and gazed down at him, one thumb smoothing over his flushed cheekbone.

"Should we eat?" he murmured.

Sugawara's eyes darted off to the side and he nibbled on his bottom lip. He fidgeted momentarily underneath him before giving Daichi a shy look and asking in a honey sweet voice,

"Five minutes?"

Daichi chuckled and sat up. "Alright. Five minutes."

Sugawara jumped to his feet and bolted through the meadow, butterflies and dragonflies taking to the air in surprise as he passed them by. He eventually paused next to a clump of bright, red prairie-fire and dropped to his knees, long, pale fingers smoothing over the vibrant blooms.

Daichi stood and stared for long seconds, heart swelling with nearly painful affection.

Sugawara looked back to him, lifting a small flower.

"Daichi!" he called. "The damn fruit salad can wait! I want this one!"

Daichi chuckled. He bent to collect one of the jars, and then headed off through the meadow to join him. 

* * *

 

“Oh my god I almost died getting this one.”

Daichi kissed Sugawara’s shoulder where it peeked out of the baggy sweater Daichi had lent him. They sat in Daichi’s bed, his back against the headboard and Sugawara curled up between his legs, leaning against his chest while he went through his albums and removed leaves.

Sugawara leaned his head back on Daichi’s shoulder and removed a brittle, browning leaf that looked to have once had a unique pattern but was now wilted and dead.

“There’s this old lady that lives on the third floor in this apartment on the way to my work,” he said, slowly twirling the leaf in his fingers. “And she had this window box that she keeps these plants and flowers in, right?”

“I think I can guess the disastrous direction this story is going,” Daichi mumbled, trailing his lips up the side of his throat and tightening his arms around his waist.

Sugawara giggled. “Yeah, it’s a little predictable.”

“Let me guess,” Daichi said. “You saw the leaf and your thirsty ass wanted it, so you climbed up the building to get it, but almost fell to your death.”

“Close!”

Daichi chuckled.

“Actually, I charmed my way into her apartment and then stole it while she wasn’t looking,” he said. “But she got _pissed_ and attacked me with a broom. I had to flee down the fire escape. And almost fell to my death.”

“The city is not safe with you on the loose.” Daichi cupped his jaw and peppered his cheek and temple with sloppy kisses.

Sugawara giggled and squirmed, tossing the leaf into the plastic bag with all of the others to be disposed of.

Daichi ceased his attack and smiled, watching him turn the page of the album.

“How’d you get this one?” he pointed at a red leaf.

“That one doesn’t have an interesting story,” Sugawara admitted. “I found it on the sidewalk.”

“Boring.”

“I know, right? _This_ one though…” He tapped a yellow leaf underneath the red one. “I found this one on the plant at my dentist office. And for some dumb ass reason, instead of waiting until _after_ I had my cavity filled… I plucked it _before_ and then sat there in the chair for an hour, clutching it in my slutty little fingers.”

Daichi sputtered and hid his face against his bare shoulder.

“Slutty for leaves,” Sugawara clarified.

“Ah, not just slutty in general?”

“Of course not.”

“I don’t know whether to laugh or be genuinely concerned by the fact that you seem to have completely forgotten that you let me fuck you five minutes after meeting you.”

“ _Ssshhhhh._ ” Sugawara pinched his arm and discarded the leaves. “You’re the only one I’ve done that for, so consider yourself lucky.”

“I already do,” Daichi mumbled and kissed his shoulder again.

Sugawara hummed and Daichi let himself fantasize that the sound was laced with fondness.

He watched him empty a few more pages of the album, rubbing the pads of his fingers over the wilted foliage before tossing it in the bag.

“Do you ever get sad about getting rid of them?” he asked, voice soft.

Sugawara hesitated, thumbing over the crispy edge of a yellow aspen leaf.

“Sometimes,” he admitted. “But only over the ones that are really unique. Not because I feel sentimental or anything. They already made me happy for months after they were supposed to live.” He lifted the leaf to his nose. “And getting rid of them makes room for something new. New happiness. New memories.” He was silent for a moment before gently placing the leaf into the bag. “Kinda hard to do that with the old shit taking up space.”

Daichi paused and then gently nuzzled the side of his neck.

“Yeah,” he whispered. “That makes sense.”

Sugawara cleared out another few pages before the sound of his phone ringing on the night table next to the bed drew their attention. He sighed and leaned over to grab it. Daichi glanced at the screen to see Malcolm’s face and name. He clenched his jaw.

Sugawara muttered and made as if to climb out of the bed, but Daichi’s arms tightened around him and he dragged him back against his chest.

Sugawara hesitated, but then answered the phone and pressed it to his ear.

“Hello?”

Daichi rested his chin on his shoulder, ear close enough to hear the voice on the other line.

“ _Hey._ ”

“What’s up?”

Daichi could hear the hint of annoyance in Sugawara’s voice.

“ _Nothing… just wanted to call you. What are you doing?_ ”

Sugawara flattened his legs against the mattress and ran his thumb over the corner of the page the album was opened to on his bare thighs.

“Just going through my albums,” he answered.

“ _How’s it going?_ ”

“Okay, I guess. We’ve only gotten through one so far.”

“ _What else have you been doing?_ ”

“Ate. Drank.”

_Fucked._

Daichi bit the inside of his cheek to keep from adding to the conversation.

Malcolm was silent for a moment.

“ _Are you still mad?_ ”

Sugawara closed the album and set it aside. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not mad at all.”

“ _You were mad when you left_.”

“No I wasn’t.”

Sugawara was getting more and more irritated. Daichi could feel it in how tense his body became in his arms. He gazed down the front of his sweater to where his bare thighs peeked out from under the fabric, knowing full well that he wasn’t wearing anything under it.

“ _Then why didn’t you give me a kiss before you went?_ ”

Daichi gritted his teeth.

“Because,” Sugawara said. “You clearly wouldn’t have been able to stop at a kiss, right?”

Daichi let his hand slowly drift down Sugawara’s stomach, touch light over the cloth.

“ _Why the fuck wouldn’t I?_ ”

“Oh, like you weren’t hoping I’d blow you?” Sugawara scoffed.

Daichi slipped his fingers underneath the sweater and brushed them over Sugawara’s shaft. He sucked in a tiny breath at the sudden contact, tensing slightly. It took barely any time at all to get him hard, and Daichi wrapped his hand around him, giving him a few lazy pumps.

“ _Since when is it a crime to want a little bit of intimacy from my boyfriend?_ ” Malcolm snapped.

Sugawara forgot to answer, his free hand reached down towards Daichi’s wrist as if to pull him away before pausing and deciding against it. He dug his fingernails into Daichi’s thigh next to his hip instead.

“ _Koushi_.”

Sugawara gulped and said, “I told you I didn’t have time but you ignored that and tried anyway.”

Daichi glanced across the messy bedding bunched on the mattress and shoved his free hand into it, rummaging around until he found the bottle of lube cast aside earlier. When he pulled it out, he popped the lid open and released Sugawara’s shaft to cover his fingers.

“ _Well I’m sorry. It’s been so long since we’ve fucked so forgive me for wanting you._ ”

Daichi lowered his hand and massaged his middle finger over Sugawara’s entrance. He sucked in a breath and lifted his knees, giving him a better angle when he pushed inside.

“Well…” he said, voice shaky. “Forgive me for foolishly thinking that I’m allowed to… reject unwanted advances… from my boyfriend.”

Daichi wrapped his other hand around Sugawara’s erection and pumped it slowly, thrusting his finger deeper inside him.

Sugawara hurriedly held his phone away from him, head dropping back on Daichi’s shoulder as he released a quivering gasp, a feather light moan riding the tail end of it.

Daichi pressed his lips to his ear and whispered,

“Keep talking.”

Sugawara hesitated, then slowly brought the phone close again. Daichi moved so he could press it to his ear once more.

“ _— like you’re avoiding me or something,_ ” Malcolm was saying.

“I’m avoiding… _you_?” Sugawara said, nails biting Daichi’s thigh when his finger pushed deeper. “At least I’m not… picking up every goddamn extra shift I can… just to get away from you.”

“ _That’s not what I’m fucking doing!_ ”

“Then what _are_ you doing?”

Malcolm went silent and Daichi used the opportunity to slip another finger inside, thrust them deep, and then curl them.

Sugawara held the phone away again, breath hitching with barely audible, needy moans. The thrill of finger fucking Sugawara while he was on the phone with his boyfriend was almost… too much to handle. Daichi was rock hard, throbbing with the desire to fuck him into the mattress until he was screaming his name.

God he was so petty.

But Sugawara wasn’t stopping him.

Daichi removed his fingers and released his arousal to grab the lube again. Sugawara brought the phone back to his ear, controlling his breathing once more.

“Well?”

“ _I thought we could use the extra money,_ ” Malcolm finally said.

Daichi coated his hand and slipped it under Sugawara to spread the lube over his shaft, only slightly turned on by the anger in Sugawara’s voice when he spat,

“ _We?_ Where the hell did you get _we_?”

Daichi gripped him under the thigh, dragging him up slightly against his chest to line himself up.

“If the money is for _us_ , then how come I haven’t seen a cent of it?” Sugawara said and then nearly threw the phone across the room when Daichi thrust inside him. He hurriedly pressed a hand over his mouth, catching the sounds that threatened to escape his closed lips. His head fell forward and Daichi grazed the nape of his neck with his teeth, jerking his hips up and shoving deeper inside.

“ _… what are you doing?_ ”

Sugawara pulled his hand away from his mouth. “I told you… what I was doing.”

Daichi gripped the undersides of his thighs, lifting him up and then dropping him back down.

“ _Is Oikawa there?_ ”

“Yes.”

Daichi could hear him struggling to keep his voice steady.

“ _Tell him to say something._ ”

_Uh oh…_

_He’s catching on._

Instead of panicking, Daichi fucked into Sugawara with more strength, barely resisting the urge to groan at how he tightened around him.

“ _What_?” Sugawara hissed the word.

“ _Let me hear Oikawa. Prove that he’s there._ ”

“You…” Sugawara paused when Daichi brought him down hard, buried up to the hilt inside him. He released his thighs and gripped his hips, holding him down and panting against the back of his neck.

Sugawara fell forward slightly, back arching as he caught himself on one hand against the mattress between Daichi’s thighs. His legs folded on either side of Daichi’s hips, head dropped low as he spoke into the phone with a dark voice.

“Are you accusing me of something?”

He was too far for Daichi to hear Malcolm’s reply, but whatever he said pissed Sugawara off.

“No! How dare you! Fuck off. Don’t call me again!”

Sugawara hurriedly ended the call and dropped the phone on the mattress, immediately letting out a long whine.

“ _Daichi… fuck_.” He moaned and attempted to move his hips, but Daichi held him tight, biting down hard on his bottom lip at the feeling of him squeezing him in desperation for friction again.

“So how did it go?” Daichi asked, voice velvet, despite how difficult it was to remain still.

“Pretty terrible,” Sugawara groaned. “No thanks to you. _God._ ”

“What do you mean?” Daichi finally loosened his hold, hands sliding up his waist and lifting him up the length of his shaft.

Sugawara whined, head falling back.

“You kinky bastard,” he panted and then lowered himself down, taking him in. “He’s _definitely_ suspicious now.”

_Good._

Daichi smoothed his hands around to his back and then down to his ass, watching as he pushed up on his knees and then dropped down again.

“That was the plan, right?” Daichi pressed his thumbs into the dimples below the small of his back, holding his hips and controlling his movements, forcing him to take him deeper, harder.

Sugawara braced himself on both hands against the mattress, letting him control their pace. He let out a soft moan with every drop of his hips, breath ragged and sharp.

“Ye-yes,” he choked. “Yes, yes, _yes_ …”

Daichi smirked. “Are you agreeing with me, or showing your approval for _this_?” He thrust his hips up, meeting him with a loud _slap_.

Sugawara whimpered, growing louder. “Bo-oth,” he said. “ _Fuck_ , yes… Daichi _yes._ ” He quickened their pace, hips rolling and dropping hard against him. “Keep… keep talking.”

Daichi’s head was going hazy from the pleasure. He could barely keep himself breathing, let alone talking.

“What do you want me to say?”

“Anything,” Sugawara panted. “ _Please_.”

“Anything?” He sucked in a shuddering breath. “Oh, Honey, I don’t think you want to give me that permission.”

“ _Yes_. Anything, _God_. Daichi,” Sugawara’s head hung forward, his bouncing growing almost too wild as he slid up the entire length of his shaft and then slammed back down. “ _Just say something._ ”

Daichi gritted his teeth so tight they creaked. When he gained some semblance of control, he inhaled deeply and then let it out.

“ _Suga_ ,” he said, voice low, rumbling.

Sugawara whined, sound pitiful and weak.

“ _Suga,_ ” he said again. “ _I love you_.”

Sugawara released a gasp, movement stuttering, but Daichi didn’t let him slow. He gripped his hips tighter, pulling and pushing him steadily.

“ _I love you_ ,” he repeated. “I love you. _Fuck,_ I wanna keep you. Let me keep you forever. I love you.”

Sugawara let out a whimpering sob and then he was tightening around him in waves as his orgasm hit. Daichi sucked a hissing breath through his teeth, head dropping against the headboard as the pulsing ripped forth his own release and he spilled inside him with a low moan.

Sugawara started to slip forward but Daichi hurriedly caught him around the waist and dragged him back against his chest, his legs stretching out in front of him. They panted in tandem, both weak and trembling from the aftershocks of pleasure.

Sugawara’s body convulsed and he choked on a sob.

Daichi held his breath and wrapped an arm across his chest, clutching his shoulder.

Sugawara gripped at his forearm and cried, sinking against him and turning his face away.

“ _Shit_ ,” Daichi cursed and hugged him close. “Suga… I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He gripped his chin and forced his face towards him. Tears streamed down his cheeks and his brows furrowed over his glistening eyes. “ _Fuck_ …” Daichi leaned their foreheads together. “I’m sorry. I know I fucked up. But it’s true. _I love you_.”

Sugawara’s fingernails dug into Daichi’s forearm but he ignored the pain.

“I love you,” he whispered. “Please stay with me. Please be mine. I’ll do anything, so just please stay and don’t go back to him ever again.”

What was he saying?

Was he crazy?

He sounded so desperate, on the very edge of his sanity as he begged him over and over again to stay, to love him back. It was pathetic, but he couldn’t think of anything else to do, to say. He had already said too much and there was no taking it back.

There was only one direction to go.

So Daichi pushed forward.

“I love you. Stay. Please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just slapped the hike date in there yesterday so hopefully it's alright.  
> Sorry I wrote sad porn
> 
> Thank you all for continuing to read! Can you believe we're almost at the end? Boi these next few chapters need some major editing done on them and I'm not looking forward to that at all.  
> But I shall persevere!
> 
> Come yell at me on [Tumblr.](https://mooifyourecows.tumblr.com/)  
> [Misery's Company Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0VIS1hwzYLDruc9LIbHWby?si=w-oSt5v4SsSkVGhCFycgzA)
> 
> Next Time:   
> Reliability


	8. Leafy Seadragon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plenty of fish in the sea... right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moods:  
> [When You Wake up...](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpOJngVZdgE)  
> "Don't let my feelings  
> Keep you from the rest of your life  
> And all these reasons  
> That I probably won't stay the night  
> When you wake up I'll be gone"
> 
> [Never Seen You Get So Low](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5o0RH9T5IY)  
> "Remember when I said that  
> Bridges could burn for you  
> Wouldn't you like them to?  
> I've never seen you get so low"
> 
> [Good Things Fall Apart](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9Zjgb03FMQ)  
> "Tell me what you hate about me  
> Whatever it is, I'm sorry  
> I know I can be dramatic  
> But everybody said we had it  
> I'm coming to terms with a broken heart  
> I guess that sometimes good things fall apart"

“So... why are you here?”

Sugawara hugged the pillow to his chest and hid his face against it, body wracking with another sob. He felt a hand rest on his hair, gently petting him.

“Suga-chan,” Oikawa groaned. “Please talk to me.”

When Sugawara didn’t answer, he let out a frustrated sigh and the hand disappeared from his head.

“Fine. I’m going to go make coffee. When I come back, you better be ready to spill everything!”

Sugawara listened to him leave the room, his footsteps receding. Once he was gone, he slowly lifted his eyes from the pillow and pulled his phone from his pocket. He unlocked the screen, ignoring the many missed calls and ignored texts from Malcolm, and opened the messages from Daichi.

 

**_From: Oikawa_ **

_I’m sorry_

_I know you told me not to_

_But I couldn’t stop myself_

_I’m so in love with you that I can barely breathe_

_I just really needed to tell you_

_I love you_

_I’m sorry_

_Please respond_

Sugawara let out another sob and dropped the phone on the bed. He shoved his face into the pillow and whimpered into it.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid Daichi!_

_Stupid idiot Daichi!_

Why did he have to say that?

Why did he have to bring love into it?

Oikawa had been right all along. There was no way that this would work out just like he wanted it to, detached and emotionless. It was already bad enough that Daichi admitted to wanting to date Sugawara for real. It was already bad enough that he liked him, and Sugawara kinda liked him too.

But _love_?

How could he be in love with him?

It was just sex!

It was just revenge.

And yet, now there Daichi was, telling him he loved him.

Making Sugawara believe it might actually be true.

“Okay, I’m back. Spill.” Oikawa’s voice cut through the air, no longer gentle and coaxing. Now strong. Demanding.

The bed bowed in front of him as Oikawa sat.

“C’mon,” he said, poking him in the skull. “Tell me before I get annoyed.”

Sugawara sniffled and pulled his face from the pillow. He reached up and rubbed his eyes miserably.

“Daichi…” he began, voice trembling.

“Yeah?”

“Dai-Daichi… told me… he loves me.”

Oikawa set his mug of steaming coffee down on the night table and then turned to Sugawara again.

“That’s… fucking… _amazing_.”

Sugawara groaned and rolled onto his back, draping his arm over his forehead.

“Suga-chan this is great! I knew it would happen eventually! I’m so happy!” He hesitated, a look of confusion crossing his face. His hair was flat and messy with early morning bedhead and he looked almost ready to fall right back to sleep, still wearing his rumpled NASA pajamas. “Wait… if he told you he loves you… then why are you here?”

“Because!” Sugawara moaned and wiped the tears from his cheeks. “I didn’t ask for that!”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“ _You_ shut the fuck up!” Sugawara sat up and shoved his hair from his face. “I don’t want him to love me! He was just supposed to help me get revenge on Malcolm. Not… not fall in love with me. Not call me cute and comfort me and get mad for me and care about my hobby and give me leaves and help me press them and…” His body shook with another sob and he hugged his knees to his chest. “I didn’t want him to fall in love with me! Now… now I have to turn him down. Cut ties. Never see him again.”

“Why?” Oikawa gripped Sugawara’s biceps. “Why would you have to do that? Suga-chan, just date him!”

“I _can’t_ ,” Sugawara cried into his knees. “I can’t!”

“Why not?”

“Because! He’s just gonna hate me in the end!”

“You’re not making any sense,” Oikawa growled, pulling his arms away and forcing him to look at him. “Why would he hate you?”

Sugawara lowered his eyes. “I..." He gulped. "I’ll never trust him." He sniffled and pulled his arms out of his grasp to rub at his cheeks, wetting his sleeves with the tears that refused to stop flowing. "I’ll always suspect him and accuse him and he’ll get _tired_ of me." He pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes. "Right when I get too attached to him, when I can’t even imagine life without him, he’ll stay out all night. You’ll see him at the club with someone else. He'll lie and hide his phone and realize that I was only ever good for an _easy fuck_. And then I’ll be right back where I started.” His chin trembled, voice softening to a quivering whisper. “The loser that nobody wants forever.”

Oikawa sighed.

“Suga-chan… you can’t let this one bad experience keep you from living your life.”

“I can and I will.”

“I’m going to kick your ass.”

“ _Do it_.”

Oikawa pinched him and Sugawara shoved his hand away. He fell back on the mattress and hugged the pillow, sniffling.

“Why are you sad?” Oikawa whispered after a moment. “He's the one with the feelings. If it was always your plan to part ways with him anyway, then his feelings shouldn't affect you or your plan, right?”

Sugawara gulped.

_Shut the fuck up._

_You know why._

When he didn’t reply, Oikawa hummed and lifted his coffee.

“Alright then,” he said, blowing on the steaming liquid. “Do you want to hear about _my_ date?”

Sugawara hesitated, then gave a silent nod.

Oikawa’s mood did a complete flip and he perked. “It was _great_. We ate dinner and talked and watched a movie. And we _kissed_.  I wanted to do more, but the guy is a total gentleman and said he wanted to take it _slow_. _Unfortunately._ God I waxed my balls for nothing, I guess.”

Sugawara snorted.

Oikawa sipped his coffee, eyeing him. “He talked about Daichi, a little bit.”

And just like that, it was about Sugawara again. His eyes pinched and he pursed his lips.

“He talked about how he’s a really hard worker… he’s kind and patient and sincere almost to a fault.”

“Oikawa I—”

“He said he’s super honest and apparently in all the years that Iwaizumi has been friends with him, he said he’s never dated. Not once. When his other friends invited him out, he always said no. Would just go home every night, alone. The only thing he cared about was work and cars. Until he met you.”

Sugawara pressed his face into his pillow.

“And apparently now the guy won’t _shut up_ about a certain cutie with a booty. Iwaizumi said he hasn’t heard a word about classic cars in months. It’s just _Suga this_ and _Suga that_ and _do you think Suga would let me take him to pick wildflowers?_ Or _how good do you think the security is at the botanical gardens?_ ”

Sugawara groaned.

“If you don’t want to be with Daichi for your own reason, you don’t like him, you want to be single for a while, whatever… then that’s fine.” Oikawa pried the pillow away and glared down at him. “But don’t act like it’s because this guy will treat you the same way Malcolm did. That’s not fair to him, who is obviously head over heels for you and _nothing_ like your shitty, unfaithful boyfriend.”

Sugawara covered his eyes.

Neither of them spoke for a long minute, Sugawara’s muffled sobs and Oikawa sipping his coffee the only sounds in the still room.

When Sugawara calmed down, Oikawa set his mug aside again and mumbled,

“Malcolm showed up last night.”

Sugawara lifted his hands and stared up at him.

“Don’t worry,” Oikawa said with a shrug. “I was smooth and covered for you. I didn’t let him in. I figured you two got in some sort of fight so I acted really angry and told him that you didn’t want to talk to him. Then slammed the door in his face.”

Sugawara let out a laugh. He smiled up at Oikawa, who smirked back at him.

“Thanks.”

“It was really my pleasure. Felt fuckin’ _good_ to put that fucker in his place for once.”

Sugawara giggled. “I’m kinda envious. All I get to be is passive aggressive. Ah, I did tell him to fuck off on the phone last night though…”

“When are you going to end it?” Oikawa asked.

Sugawara hesitated, staring up at the ceiling.

“I don’t know…” he admitted. “The plan was… to let him figure out that I was sleeping with Daichi. I feel like that would be better than just breaking up with him and saying, _by the way, I’ve been fucking that guy who hates you._ More satisfying for him to find out on his own, you know?”

“Definitely.”

“But… I don’t know _how_. He’s already getting suspicious. He accused me last night, which was why I told him to fuck off. Maybe… maybe he’s already figured it out.” He let out a sigh and rubbed his eyes. “I don’t know. Every time I think he's catching on, my instincts tell me to act better, keep him fooled. It's so hard to just... _let him_ catch me.”

Oikawa hummed. “Maybe you can—”

Loud knocking at the front door cut him off.

Oikawa let out a huff and crawled out of bed. “It’s too damn _early_!”

Sugawara watched him leave the bedroom and slowly sat up. His stomach twisted and he slid to the side of the mattress and set his feet down on the floor. He listened as Oikawa made it to the front of the apartment and opened the door. Muffled voices spoke and then Oikawa let out a shout.

“Hey!”

Sugawara gulped, fingers knotting in the sheets on either side of his hips. His heart raced and he breathed heavily, new tears slipping down his cheeks.

Thundering footsteps drew near the bedroom and he bit down on his bottom lip to swallow a moan.

_No, no, no, no, no…_

_Please no..._

The bedroom door slammed inwards and Sugawara winced, heart skipping, a soft whimper escaping his mouth.

But then Malcolm was standing in the doorway, brows pulled low over his flashing green eyes, chest rising and falling quickly.

Sugawara let out a gasp of relief, tension fleeing his body as his shoulders dropped.

Malcolm’s expression immediately softened and Sugawara hurriedly wiped the tears from his cheeks.

“Bastard!” Oikawa followed him into the bedroom. “Get the fuck out!”

Malcolm ignored him and walked up to the bed. He sat next to Sugawara and let out a long breath.

Sugawara sniffled and rubbed his nose, looking away. Oikawa fell silent, and after a few seconds, Sugawara heard his receding footsteps as he left them alone.

There was a soft touch against Sugawara’s pinky as Malcolm’s hand moved close. Sugawara gritted his teeth and closed his eyes.

“Sorry,” Malcolm muttered.

He wanted to snap at him, tell him that the apology wasn’t accepted. But…

Malcolm scooted closer, one arm sliding under his thighs as the other one wrapped around his back. He pulled him up into his lap and kissed his temple, holding him close.

“I'm sorry,” he said again. “Come home. Please. Let Oikawa shop on his own just this once.”

_God._

Why was he so good at pretending? It wasn’t fair that Sugawara wanted nothing more than to hate him, wholly and completely _despise_ and be _done_ with him, but then he turned around and acted like _this_ , and it felt so genuine and true and reminded Sugawara exactly why he fell for him in the first place.

It wasn’t fucking fair.

Sugawara wrapped his arms around Malcolm’s neck and buried his face against his shoulder, fresh tears welling up in his eyes.

How cruel was it that his touch felt so familiar, so _comfortable_. Sugawara absolutely hated that if he just forgot about all of this, got knocked on the head and completely forgot about Malcolm’s infidelity, then he would be happy with him still.

He hated that he was so stupid that he would actually love him, think he was good to him.

That he would believe he loved him more than anybody and would never betray him.

Sugawara absolutely hated it.

Malcolm stood, holding him against his chest, and carried him across the room. Sugawara didn’t lift his face from his shoulder as he crossed the apartment.

He knew exactly what kind of look Oikawa would give him.

Sugawara didn’t want to see it.

* * *

 

Everyone was staring at him.

And Daichi didn’t think it was because he was actually out, at a bar with his friends when in the past he had always turned their offers down.

Nah, it wasn’t that.

“You okay Buddy?” Kuroo patted him gently on the back, confirming that yeah, it definitely wasn’t that.

Daichi didn’t reply, staring down into his glass.

Bokuto leaned in Kuroo’s direction and muttered behind his hand,

“That guy he’s been banging hasn’t talked to him in three weeks.”

“Oh fuck,” Kuroo hissed. “That’s _harsh_.”

Daichi sighed and rubbed his eyes.

“Can you guys stop talking about the guy like he’s not here?” Iwaizumi snapped and the other two immediately shut up, looking off across the bar guiltily.

The table fell silent.

And just what the hell was he doing? He shouldn’t have come out. He was just bringing down the whole mood. Did he really think that it would make him feel better to get out of his apartment? Instead of distracting him from checking his phone every minute to see if Sugawara had finally replied to any of his calls or texts, Daichi was now just more painfully aware of how silent and still the device was in the pocket of his jeans.

“Cheer up, Daichi!” Bokuto said, lifting his glass in the air with a grin. “There’s plenty of fish in the sea!”

“Really?” Kuroo gave him a look. “ _That’s_ what you come up with?”

“What’s wrong with it?”

“Not only is it _not_ comforting, but who says he wants another fish? He wants _his_ fish.”

“I dunno dude, there are a lot of really cool fish out there. Just when you think you’ve seen the coolest fish in the world, you turn around and _bam there’s a motherfucking leafy seadragon like whoooaaaa_.”

“What the fuck is a leafy seadragon?”

“You’ve never seen one? Bro! Check this shit out!” Bokuto pulled his phone out and Kuroo leaned close to look over his shoulder.

Daichi sighed.

He shouldn’t have come out.

He thought that he would feel better with a change of scenery. Some place where he had never spent time with Sugawara, so that everywhere he looked, he wouldn’t see him.

Somehow it felt worse though.

“Daichi?”

He glanced at Iwaizumi, who watched him closely.

“You okay?” he asked, voice gentle.

Haha… how pathetic.

Daichi finished off his drink, his fourth of the night, and set the empty glass on the table.

“’M gonna go home,” he mumbled and slid around to the edge of the booth seat.

“But—” Bokuto began but Iwaizumi cut him off.

“Give me your keys,” Iwaizumi said, grabbing onto Daichi’s wrist.

He hesitated, staring down at him. He contemplated arguing, insisting that he was fine to drive, and even if he wasn’t, who fucking cared? Maybe he’d be happier wrapped around a lamp post anyway.

But the look Iwaizumi was giving him suggested he not fight his authority.

Daichi dug in his pocket and pulled out his keys. He dropped them into his hand and turned away.

None of them said anything as he walked off across the bar, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket.

The bar was getting crowded, too many voices surrounding him. It was suffocating. The smells, the sounds, the bodies moving too close, bumping into him.

Daichi hated this. Why did he leave his apartment? He never should have thought that this might be something he needed. He never liked going out, so why would he _now_ when he was feeling like shit?

“Another round please!”

Daichi’s steps slowed at the sound of the voice.

He glanced towards the counter.

Malcolm leaned against it, grinning at the bartender as he filled a pitcher with beer. He turned to the man standing next to him, a man with curly black hair and an eyebrow piercing. And then he put his hand on him, just at the small of his back. He leaned in and kissed him on the lips, palm slipping down over the seat of his faded skinny jeans.

Daichi’s hands tightened into fists inside his jacket.

Normally, he might walk right up to the bastard and lay him flat with a punch.

_What’s the point?_

No matter how many times he hit him, Daichi would never feel better. He could punch him a thousand times but it wouldn’t make Sugawara return his calls.

It wouldn’t make him return his feelings.

_So what’s the fucking point?_

Daichi turned and continued on to the door of the bar. As he was pushing out into the night air, his shoulder connected with a body, sending it stumbling backwards.

“Hey!” a voice snapped.

“Sorry,” Daichi muttered, eyes on the sidewalk.

“…Daichi?”

He paused, glancing up into the man’s face. He met chestnut eyes.

_Who… oh._

“Are you alright?” Oikawa asked, placing a hand on Daichi’s arm.

Daichi shook him off. “’M fine.” He turned away and hunched his shoulders up towards his ears when a cool breeze blew through him. “Sorry for bumping into you.”

“I—”

He walked away, ending the conversation.

So both Malcolm and Oikawa were out for the night.

Where was Sugawara? Was he with somebody else? Had he found someone new to spend his nights with? That guy... Julian, or the other one... Marco? Or did Malcolm leave him home all alone, to stay up all night, drinking coffee so he wouldn’t fall asleep, too scared to close his eyes?

Daichi squeezed his eyes shut when a wave of nausea hit him. He slowed to a stop in the middle of the sidewalk and let out a curse.

Everything hurt.

He never should have come out that night.

He staggered up the sidewalk another short distance and then flagged down a cab. After giving his address, he settled back in the seat and stared through the window at the passing lights of the city around him.

They weren’t even dating.

He shouldn’t feel this awful.

It felt like someone had died… like someone he loved was just _gone_ and he would never see them again. It was difficult to wake up in the morning, to roll out of bed and go to work. It was a chore to eat, to shower, to do anything other than stare at his phone, waiting for a call that he could feel in his gut would never come.

So this was what a broken heart felt like.

Daichi let out a soft, “ _fuck_ ” under his breath and rubbed his eyes.

Everything _hurt_.

He was a few blocks away from his apartment when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He gulped and pulled it out, expecting a message from Iwaizumi, checking to see if he made it home.

His blood ran cold when he saw the name on the screen.

_Suga._

Daichi held his breath, hands trembling as he opened the new message and read.

 

**_From: Suga_ **

_help_

_come over_

_please_

Daichi hurriedly sat forward and gave the cab driver Sugawara’s address. He slowed at the corner and turned.

“Please drive fast,” Daichi urged.

The cab sped through the city and Daichi pulled out his wallet, gathering up bills of money to have ready to pass over so he could bolt as soon as the car was stopped. When the cab pulled up to the curb, Daichi quickly passed the money over, uncaring that he was ten dollars over the fare. He thanked him and jumped out of the vehicle, slamming the door behind him.

He ran through the door of the apartment building and bolted up the stairs to Sugawara’s floor. He could hear yelling as he turned down the hallway. Three men stood at the end of it, at the door across from Sugawara’s apartment. Their voices were loud, angry, as they argued with one another.

Fury ripped through Daichi and he strode up the hall, barking out,

“ _Shut the fuck up!”_

All three men turned to face him, surprise crossing their faces.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Daichi snapped.

“Hey Buddy, mind your own business,” one of them said.

Daichi grabbed the front of his coat and shoved him up against the wall. The other two took hasty steps back.

“ _Get the fuck out of here_ ,” Daichi growled into the man’s face.

He nodded vigorously.

“Yes, yes, sorry Sir, right away.”

Daichi released him and all three men bolted for the stairs. He breathed heavily, shoving a hand through his hair in attempts to calm himself. Giving up when the feat seemed to be impossible, he turned to the door of Sugawara’s apartment. Before he even had the chance to knock, it was opening.

Sugawara stood in the doorway, cheeks wet with tears, eyes bloodshot and swollen.

A tremendous weight lifted from Daichi's chest at the sight of him. Relief filled him to the very brim and he wanted to cry from it, so overcome with the feeling.

But there was anger too, at the terrified look on his tear stained face.

There was rage at the pitiful whimpering sound he made as he reached for him, catching his wrist.

Sugawara dragged Daichi into the apartment and closed and locked the door behind him. He turned to him and threw his arms around his neck, letting out a sob as he buried his face in his shoulder. Daichi hugged him close, squeezing his eyes shut and letting out a deep breath.

“I… was… so _scared_ ,” Sugawara sobbed. “ _They were… so loud… and I thought… they were… trying to get in_ …”

“Oh Honey…” Daichi’s arms tightened around him.

“ _I was so_ …”

“I know,” Daichi shushed him. “I know, I know… they’re gone now. It’s okay. They’re gone.”

“I’m so _tired_ ,” Sugawara wailed. “I… I haven’t slept in… _three days_. I’m so, so, so, so tired…”

Daichi gritted his teeth.

He should’ve punched Malcolm.

“Come home with me,” he murmured.

Sugawara didn’t answer, crying softly into his shoulder.

“I’ll take care of you,” Daichi said. “Come back with me.”

Finally, Sugawara nodded.

Daichi released a breath of relief.

Sugawara slowly loosened his hold on him and then let go. Daichi held his face in his hands and dried his tears, heart aching that he even needed to do this.

He shouldn’t have to dry Sugawara’s tears.

If he was his boyfriend, Daichi would never make him cry like this.

While Sugawara moved quickly around the apartment, turning off lights and collecting his jacket, wallet, and phone, Daichi waited at the door, trying to sober up by pure strength of will. If he was going to take care of an emotionally vulnerable Sugawara, then he wanted to be in his best shape, in his right mind.

It was no use though. He was still drunk when Sugawara joined him at the door, and he was still drunk outside, flagging down a cab.

They didn’t speak as they journeyed across town to Daichi’s apartment. Sugawara sat against his side, head on his shoulder, and Daichi wrapped an arm around him. He kissed his head and rubbed soothing circles on his arm, hoping that it was enough.

When they finally reached his apartment and were inside, removing their shoes, Daichi was still drunk, but the familiar environment at least brought him some comfort.

“Are you hungry?” Daichi asked, hanging his jacket on the hook next to the door.

Sugawara didn’t answer, walking farther into the apartment.

Daichi locked the door and followed him. “Suga? Do you want me to order something?”

He paused next to the breakfast bar, eyes lowered as he placed a hand on the counter.

“Tamales?” he asked, voice small.

Daichi’s heart strained. “Yeah… we can do that.”

Sugawara gulped. He hesitated and then disappeared into Daichi’s bedroom.

Daichi let out a breath and rubbed his eyes. He moved into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water as he called and placed an order at the restaurant. He drank two glasses before going into the bedroom, where Sugawara had climbed into his bed, curled on his side in the middle of the mattress.

At first he thought he might be asleep, still and silent as he was. But when he sat on the edge of the bed and placed a hand on his side, Sugawara stirred. And then his soft voice came.

“You shouldn’t love me.”

“I should,” Daichi countered immediately.

“You _shouldn’t_ ,” Sugawara repeated, a little louder. “It’s a waste of your time.”

“How?”

He reached up and rubbed his eyes. “It just _is_.”

“I disagree.”

“You don’t get to disagree with fact!”

“Then give me a fact to agree with.”

Sugawara moaned and rolled onto his back. He stared up at him, brows furrowed over his unhappy eyes. “ _Do_ you still love me?”

“Of course,” Daichi whispered. “That won’t ever change.”

“ _Why_ do you love me?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Daichi’s voice was strained. He felt too urgent, desperate. How could he convince him? How could he prove to him that he was so deeply in love with him and that he would never hurt him?

Sugawara sat up. “You don’t love me! You love having sex with me!”

“Of course I love having sex with you!”

Sugawara fell silent, clearly not expecting him to agree.

“Of _course_!” Daichi said, shoving his fingers through his hair. “That’s obvious! Why wouldn’t I love that? But you think that good sex is the only reason I’m here?” He let out a breath. “Fuck, Suga. You… you act like it wouldn’t matter _who_ Malcolm’s boyfriend was. You act like I’d be the same no matter who it was that answered the door those months ago. Are you insane? It’s not because you’re Malcolm’s boyfriend. It’s not because of the good sex. It’s because of _you_.” He huffed, staring across the room. “Don’t get me wrong… that first time was _amazing_. And yeah I was totally willing to do it again, and again. But I wasn’t exactly rearing to _propose_ or anything.”

He looked back at him. Sugawara was watching him, expression wary. He lowered his eyes when they met, hugging his knees to his chest.

“It’s not the sex,” Daichi said, voice soft. “It’s _you_. I… I love being around you. I love talking to you. I love watching you eat. I love listening to you talk about leaves and flowers and rocks and… I love getting teased by you. I love teasing you and hearing you laugh and…” He sighed and rubbed his eyes. “I don’t know how to convince you. And it’s so frustrating. I went out tonight and got drunk. Tried to think about anything other than you, but I _couldn’t do it_."

He reached over and took Sugawara's hand, pulling it into his lap and staring down at his fingers as he touched them, running his fingertips gently over them.

"You’re on my mind, _always,"_ he whispered. "I want to be around you at all times of the day. Just near you. Just hearing your voice and holding your hand and…” He groaned. “I _hate_ knowing that I can’t have you. That you still belong to Malcolm, even though I saw him tonight, at the fucking bar, with some random fucking dude that _wasn’t_ you… it drives me _insane_ to know that _that piece of shit_ gets to go home to you and he doesn’t fucking deserve you.”

The anger was back and he was on a tangent now, chest filling with frustration.

“He doesn’t fucking deserve you! You’re too good for him! You deserve to be with someone who loves you and _only_ you. Someone who would never be out at the bar when you’re home alone." He lifted his hand to his lips and kissed his knuckles, brows furrowing over his eyes. "Someone who would _never_ betray your trust. Someone who would _never_ make you question your worth."

He lowered his hand again with a soft sigh.

"And I’m not saying that I’m perfect. God, I’m _not_.” He looked at Sugawara, who had fresh tears slipping down his cheeks. He scooted closer to him and wiped them away gently. “I’m not perfect and I probably don’t deserve you either. But if you were mine, I’d never hurt you like this. Never, ever, ever.” He held his face in his hands and stared into his glistening eyes. “ _God_ , I love you too much for that shit.”

Sugawara sniffled. He flattened his legs to the mattress and gripped the front of Daichi’s shirt, leaning forward and kissing him gently, lips trembling. Daichi returned the kiss, moving closer. He released his face and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him close. For long minutes they kissed softly, silently.

When Sugawara finally pulled back, Daichi was warm, anger fizzled completely out.

“It’s not about the sex?” Sugawara asked, voice small.

“Sorry to break it to you, Honey,” Daichi murmured, rubbing their noses together. “It hasn’t been about the sex for a _long_ time. You... you're my leafy seadragon.”

Sugawara looked perplexed.

"Leafy what?"

"My leafy seadragon."

"I... I don't understand. Is that a kinky sex thing or..."

Daichi chuckled and pressed their lips together. "You're the coolest fish in the sea... my leafy seadragon."

"God, you  _are_ drunk, aren't you?"

Daichi grinned and nipped at his bottom lip. "Hey, I just ordered you tamales. You're required by law to be nice to me right now."

" _Tch_. Blackmail."

"Actually it's bribery."

"You're so annoying."

Though he said it, Sugawara's expression didn't match his words. His cheeks were flushed and the evidence of his crying was all around and in his bloodshot eyes, but he was smiling, peacefully, fondly.

It wasn’t exactly an acceptance of Daichi's feelings, or a promise that they would be together, but it was better than nothing. It was better than not hearing from him for weeks, wondering if he ever would again.

“I love you,” Daichi whispered, cupping his face. “I love you and I promise that will _never_ change.”

Sugawara gulped.

“I hope you’re right.”

* * *

 

The last thing Sugawara needed the second he walked into his apartment the next morning was to be yelled at.

“Where the fuck have you been?”

Sugawara set his keys and wallet down on the table just inside the door, glancing at Malcolm where he stood a short distance away, arms crossed over his chest.

“ _That’s_ how you’re choosing to greet me?” Sugawara asked.

“Hey, welcome home. Now where the _fuck_ have you been?” Malcolm snapped.

Sugawara gritted his teeth and turned away to remove his jacket. “I just went out.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah, really. Do you have a problem with that? It’s not like you missed me. You were out all night too.”

“At least I told you I was going out.”

“Since when do I need to tell you where I am at all times?” Sugawara moved past him, bumping him with his shoulder. “I’m not a child.”

Malcolm turned and followed him into the kitchen. “I fucking know that. But it’s still just basic fucking courtesy to tell your boyfriend when you’re going be gone literally _all night_. You know, so he doesn't fucking _worry_ about you.”

Sugawara opened the refrigerator and stared at the contents inside. “Well, next time I’ll be sure to _ask your permission to be a fucking adult with my own life._ ”

“Where the fuck did you go?”

Sugawara gritted his teeth and slammed the refrigerator shut. He turned and crossed the kitchen, pulling his sweater up over his head.

“ _Koushi!_ ” Malcolm stomped after him. “Answer me!”

“I was at Oikawa’s!” Sugawara threw his sweater into the hamper as he passed it.

“ _No the fuck you weren’t!_ ”

“And how the hell would _you_ know?” Sugawara whirled towards him.

“Because!” Malcolm stepped close, looming over him with a furious expression, lips twisted in a sneer, eyebrows furrowed over burning eyes. “I fucking _saw_ Oikawa at the bar last night and _you weren’t with him._ ”

“Oh, did you _follow_ him all night too?” Sugawara raised his voice, meeting him word for word, squaring his shoulders. “You know for a fact that he was out _all night_ and didn’t come home around the time I texted him that I was going over?”

“That’s not what happened and you fucking _know it_!”

“ _Prove it!_ ”

Malcolm sucked in a sharp breath and then grabbed his face. He slammed their mouths together, thrusting his tongue inside.

Sugawara shoved him away and he stumbled back a few steps.

“ _FUCK YOU!_ ” he yelled. “ _FUCK YOU!_ ”

They stared at each other, both panting heavily, for long seconds. And then Malcolm strode up and yanked him forward, hands on his waist. He crushed their lips together again and Sugawara gripped his curls in both hands, kissing him back. Malcolm’s hands slid down over his ass and dragged him hard against him. They staggered backwards into the room, kissing furiously, grabbing at each other with impatient, angry hands.

Malcolm lifted him up and threw him down on the bed before ripping his shirt up over his head and tossing it aside. He came down on top of him and bit the side of his neck. Sugawara winced, clawing his back with his nails. Malcolm shoved his shirt up to his collar and then started sucking hickeys into his skin, hands yanking at his belt. When he got it undone, he tore Sugawara’s pants off and threw them to the floor. He leaned over him again and their mouths clashed, Sugawara’s nails biting into his shoulders hard enough that he _hoped_ they would draw blood.

Their kissing and touching was desperate and filled with hate, grappling with each other for control. Sugawara hated him. He _hated him._ But he couldn’t stop himself from shoving his jeans down his thighs and touching him, dragging his mouth back to his for a biting kiss.

He couldn’t stop himself. Even when he thought of Daichi, of how he claimed to love him, and how it would make him feel if he knew what was happening…

Sugawara couldn’t stop.

And it just solidified in his mind that he had been right all along.

Daichi shouldn’t love him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to majorly overhaul the next chapter and I'm not looking forward to it.  
> Wish me luck, I'll need it
> 
> Thank you for reading this story up to this point. We're almost at the end, get ready for emotions.
> 
> Come yell at me on [Tumblr.](https://mooifyourecows.tumblr.com/)  
> [Misery's Company Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0VIS1hwzYLDruc9LIbHWby?si=uxguYDeqTwKxMpcw3V6jwA)
> 
> Next Time:  
> Closure


	9. One Last Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moods:  
> [What the Hell Happened to Us](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_U07k1h10U)  
> "What the hell happened to us?  
> We used to love, you used to trust me  
> Baby, I'm not having fun  
> This isn't us, I'm getting lonely"
> 
> [I Don't Want You Back](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Rb6gr8wUc8)  
> "I don't really want you back  
> I just want the life we had  
> I don't really want you back  
> No, I don't (I don't)"
> 
> [HISTORY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3hlspxCmfo)  
> "Looked in your eyes as you lie right to my face  
> See through your disguise and yet I still take the bait  
> Used to be you and me, comrades in arms, side by side  
> And I got love for you, babe, but love ain't enough this time"

Sugawara’s hands knotted in the grey sheet pulled up over his legs and hips. He stared down the length of the bed to where Malcolm sat, cross legged at the foot of the mattress, staring right back at him.

Neither of them spoke.

They merely stared, _finally_ silent.

At first, it was easy, holding Malcolm’s gaze in his. This was familiar. This was comfortable.

Malcolm was Sugawara’s boyfriend and he had spent hours looking into those eyes before, happy, warm, and safe.

But the longer he stared, the less he recognized the face to which those eyes belonged.

The longer he stared, the less he felt all of those things that he had once felt, looking in to the green pools where he had tried so hard to build a home for the past year.

And the longer he stared, the more his own eyes filled with tears, and his vision went cloudy, until he couldn’t stare any longer.

Until there was nothing to stare at anymore.

Sugawara bit his bottom lip as the first tear slipped down his cheek.

Malcolm inhaled a sharp breath, hands squeezing the sheet in front of his crossed legs.

“I’m sorry,” he said, breathless, urgent. “Koushi I’m sorry—”

Sugawara shook his head, violently. He pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them. “No.”

“I’m sorry—”

“No you’re not!” Tears burned tracks down his face and his chin trembled, his voice breaking. “You’re not sorry!”

“I am!” Malcolm sat forward on his knees. “You gotta believe me! Koushi, I’m sorry, I’m _so, so, so sorry_ —”

“ _You’re not!_ ” Sugawara sobbed. “ _I don’t believe you! I don’t believe you, I don’t believe you!_ ”

“Koushi—”

“ _No!_ ” Sugawara released his knees and pressed his fingers over his eyes, entire frame shaking with breathless, choking sobs. “You’re not sorry. I don’t believe you. I _won’t_ believe you. Liar. You’re a _liar_.”

“I’m not—”

“ _Liar!_ ” Sugawara grabbed the pillow behind him and hurled it at his head.

The pillow hit his face and tumbled to the floor and Malcolm sat frozen for long seconds, staring at Sugawara with wide, pleading eyes.

It hurt.

Sugawara buried his fingers in his hair, forearms tightly framing his face and casting it in shadow.

Malcolm gulped and sat back. He let out a shuddering breath and slid out of the bed, wiping a hand over his eyes.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he whispered. “ _FUCK!_ ”

He kicked the pillow across the room and left, slamming the door shut behind him. Sugawara’s chest quaked and he let out a pitiful, whimpering sob and collapsed to his side. He curled into a ball and hugged a pillow to his face, trying desperately to muffle the pathetic sounds tearing their way from his throat.

Malcolm wasn’t sorry.

He couldn’t be.

He wasn’t sorry and he would never change and Sugawara _knew_ that. He knew it and he accepted it but it didn’t hurt less.

It didn’t make it less pathetic that he continued to make the same goddamn mistake over and over again.

Malcolm probably wasn’t sorry. Not really.

But Sugawara had never been so sorry in his entire life.

* * *

 

Daichi was hunting through his cupboards for something to make for lunch when the knock came at his door. He hummed and set the loaf of bread in his hands down on the counter before turning and walking across the apartment.

There was another knock and Daichi unlocked and pulled the door open.

He brightened at the sight of Sugawara standing in the hallway, wearing a coat and blue scarf wrapped around his neck.

Daichi stepped to the side, inviting him in.

Sugawara hesitantly entered the apartment.

“You should have told me you were coming over,” Daichi said, closing the door behind him. “I would have cleaned.” He moved in front of him and placed his hands on his waist, smiling. He leaned in for a kiss but Sugawara slipped his fingers over his lips, stopping him.

Daichi blinked and slowly leaned away.

Sugawara’s fingers fell off of his chin. And his face was pale… a small wrinkle between his brows. His eyes were bloodshot and glossy. The more he looked at him, the unhappier he appeared.

Daichi’s stomach tightened in fear.

“Is something wrong?” Daichi asked, voice gentle. He reached up and tenderly brushed a lock of hair out of Sugawara’s eyes, trying not to panic at how he flinched just barely at the gesture.

Sugawara gulped. He gripped his scarf and tugged on it until it fell away from his neck. Daichi’s eyes dipped down and froze. There was a dark hickey on the side of his throat, just under the junction of his jaw.

“I have to tell you something,” Sugawara whispered.

Daichi took a small step back, hands lowering to his sides.

“What is it?” he asked, struggling to keep the anxiety from his tone.

Sugawara stared at his chin, brows quivering.

“Suga?”

Daichi was too terrified to hear what he had to say, but he needed to hear it. He knew he did. Whatever it was that he needed to tell him, Daichi needed to hear it, no matter how much he wanted to plug his ears.

Sugawara sucked in a breath and said it.

“I had sex with Malcolm.”

Daichi’s blood ran cold. There was a part of him that wasn’t surprised. The instant he saw the hickey, he knew.

It didn’t make the blow any softer though.

“Oh…” He released the word like a breath, barely audible. For several long seconds, neither of them spoke, and Sugawara’s face twisted into an even more pained expression, glossy eyes lowering.

“I don’t…” Daichi finally said. “I don’t understand.” He hesitated and then moved closer to Sugawara. “What happened? Did… Suga, if he forced you—”

Sugawara shook his head. “He didn’t _force_ me. I… I just…” He let out a frustrated breath and pressed a trembling hand over his eyes. “I just… _slept_ with him.”

_Why?_

_Why, why, why, why…_

_Why would Suga do this?_

It was painful. Daichi bit down on the inside of his cheek, eyes stinging. Anger and sadness, frustration and nausea were all welling up inside him and he didn’t know what to do. Why was Sugawara telling him this? And… did Daichi have the right to be angry at him for it?

They weren’t even dating, after all.

As the man on the side… did Daichi even have the right to be upset about this?

“I don’t understand,” Daichi repeated, voice rough. “What happened? I thought that… if he didn’t force you then… why would you have sex with him? _Why_ would you do that?”

Sugawara lowered his hand and looked away. His chin quivered and he said, “I don’t know… I…” His brow twisted even more and he turned for the door. “I’m sorry.”

He reached for the knob and panic ripped through Daichi.

He couldn’t let him leave. Not yet.

Daichi chased after him and placed a hand against the door over his shoulder to prevent him from opening it.

“Wait,” he said, breathless, desperate. “Suga, _please_. Talk to me. What’s going on? Why did you sleep with him? Why are—”

“I don’t know!” Sugawara let out a sob and leaned his forehead against the door, shoulders shaking. “I told you! _I told you_!”

“Suga—”

“I told you not to love me! You were _wrong!_ ”

“What are you talking abou—”

“I don’t deserve better! You were wrong! Malcolm is _exactly_ the type of person I deserve because I’m no better than him!”

“How can you say that?” Daichi gripped his shoulder and turned him around, pushing him back up against the door. “ _How can you say that?_ ”

Tears streamed down Sugawara’s cheeks and he knocked Daichi’s hands away when he tried to hold his arms. Daichi gulped and quickly hugged him, pulling him tight against his chest.

“It’s okay,” he whispered. “It’s okay…”

Sugawara struggled against him, beating at him with his fists until he released him again.

“It’s not!” He cried, still beating against his chest. “It’s _not_! Don’t tell me it’s okay! _It’s not!_ ” He knotted his fingers in Daichi’s shirt and shook him. “How can you just _forgive me_? You should be mad! You should be upset! You should be—”

“ _I am!_ ”

Sugawara fell silent with a sharp inhale, eyes flying wide as the echo from Daichi’s shout bounced through the apartment.

“ _I’m fucking furious!_ ” Daichi said, chest heaving.

And his voice was too loud. It was too rough, aggressive.

Terrifying.

“I’m _angry_ and I’m _hurt_. But what right do I have to take that out on you? _Huh_?” He slammed his palms on the door over his shoulders, causing Sugawara to jump in fear. “It doesn’t _matter_ how I feel! _So what_ if it fucking hurts?” He gritted his teeth and leaned his forehead on Sugawara’s shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut. His fingers curled against the wood and he choked out, “You were never mine in the first place. So what does it _matter_ how I feel?”

Slowly, Sugawara’s hands touched his back, fingers curling in the fabric of his shirt.

“It matters to me,” he said, voice small and trembling.

Daichi swallowed the lump in his throat.

“Then why did you do it?”

His fingers tightened. “ _I don’t know."_

And it _hurt_.

He didn’t know? How could he not know? If he really willingly did it… there had to be a reason, didn’t there? But why?

Was it… because he still had feelings for him?

Or did he want to hurt Daichi?

Did he want to show him just where his place was?

Did he want to remind him who held all the cards in this fucked up relationship?

To reestablish himself as the one in complete control?

Is that why he did it, knowing full well how it would make Daichi feel?

“Suga… why me?” Daichi leaned back and met his watery gaze.

Sugawara stared silently at him, brows wrinkling in confusion.

“Why _me_?” Daichi said again. “You proved that it doesn’t need to be me. That… that night you went out alone… and met those guys…” He gulped. “You could have _anyone_. You have so many options… anybody you wanted, you could have had and used to get back at Malcolm. But you picked _me_. Over and over again, you picked _me_.” His hands were shaking, pressed up against the door over Sugawara’s shoulders. “Suga… why _me_?”

“I don’t know…” Sugawara shook his head, insistently. “I don’t know…”

“You _do_ know!” Daichi pressed. “Suga _please_. You _do_ know.”

“No, I—”

“I love you,” Daichi cupped his face in his hands. His throat felt raw, burned by his desperation. “Suga I love you. You love me too, don’t you? Please tell me you love me too…”

Sugawara squeezed his eyes shut, brows furrowing tight over them. “I don’t _know_.”

Daichi slid down to his knees in front of him, hands gripping his thighs.

“Daichi—”

“I don’t want you to do it,” he said, leaning his forehead against Sugawara’s stomach and squeezing his eyes shut. “I don’t want you to have sex with him. I don’t want you to kiss him or hug him or touch him or sleep in the same bed as him. I don’t want you to pretend to love him and I don’t want him to believe it.” He looked up into his face where he stared back down at him. Daichi’s eyes stung and his voice grew weak. “Suga, I’ll do anything. _Anything._ Just _please_ … I can’t do _this_ anymore.”

Tears slipped down Sugawara’s cheeks and he nodded, the movement jerking.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered and slipped out from under his hands. He slid across the door and gripped the knob with a trembling hand behind his back. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, voice pained. “I’ll… I’ll find a way to… I’ll figure out how to finish it. And then…” He opened the door, looking away, hurt twisting his features. “I’ll leave you alone.”

“Wai—” Daichi reached for him, but Sugawara fled the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

And Daichi was left alone to drive himself insane searching for an answer to _why_.

_Why?_

* * *

 

“I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah. See you.” Sugawara didn’t look up from the glass frame in his lap, gently straightening the dried poppies inside. He listened to Malcolm’s receding footsteps, grateful that he decided against trying to get a goodbye kiss out of him. When the door of the apartment closed, Sugawara leaned back on the couch, resting his head on the cushioned backrest.

He was exhausted.

It was so tiring, avoiding the person with whom he lived. He was on constant edge that a fight would break out, that he would need to think on his feet, diffuse the situation without ruining everything. If it all wasn't ruined already.

He had told Daichi that he would figure out how to finish it but…

_How_?

_Just break up with him._

No… he couldn’t just do that.

After all the lying and cheating and half assed planning… he couldn’t just throw it all away and end it as simply as that.

He wasn’t meant for this type of scheming, sneaky lifestyle. He couldn’t think of any way to end this god awful relationship in a way that wouldn’t make the past few months feel like a complete waste of time and heartache.

Sugawara just wasn’t built for deceit.

He sighed and closed the picture frame, locking the poppies in place, before standing and walking across the living room to the bedroom.

He would probably just have to take Oikawa’s advice, whatever it may be. His best friend was much more experienced in this kind of cruel trickery. Surely he had _some_ idea as to how Sugawara could break it off with Malcolm.

All Sugawara knew was that he was _exhausted_.

And he wanted it to be over.

He carried the picture frame across the bedroom to the bookcase next to the bed. He lifted up on his toes to slide it back into place on the wall, chest brushing lightly against a black teddy bear sitting on the top shelf of the bookcase. When he finished straightening the frame, he lowered back to the soles of his feet. In the corner of his eye, light glinted in the stomach of the teddy bear, drawing his attention. He glanced down at it and froze.

Nestled in the center of the stuffed animal’s chest was a circular lens nearly invisible in the soft fur.

Sugawara’s blood ran cold but he didn’t let his shock and anger show in his body language as he pretended to fix the picture frame, examining the lens from above.

_Camera…_

He gulped, heart hammering in his chest.

_Camera…_

Hiding the fury from his face, he took a step back, eyes on the frame as if to confirm it was straight. He then turned on his heel and left the room, casually clicking the door shut behind him.

His breath wheezed through his lungs as he continued to hold onto his calm exterior, even though inside he was screaming. He slowly made his way around the apartment, searching for more, but when he didn’t find any other hidden cameras, he fell onto the couch in the living room, brought a pillow to his face, and screamed into it.

Rage seeped from his every pore, his muscles felt weak, his veins injected with liquid fire.

_Camera._

Malcolm had set up a _spy camera_ in their room?

When?

How long has it been there? How much had he recorded, seen?

It had been a long time since Daichi had been in Sugawara’s bedroom, so it couldn’t have caught them. Malcolm would have said something if it had.

In fact, now that he thought about it, he remembered that teddy bear sitting somewhere else in the room the week prior. So it was new. Sometime in the past week, Malcolm had put a camera into the stuffed animal and then moved it to the bookshelf, facing the bed, in hopes of catching Sugawara in the act of cheating.

He could almost laugh at the hypocrisy.

If he wasn’t so furious, he could definitely laugh.

Several minutes passed before he was calm again, lying on his stomach on the couch, staring off across the room.

Malcolm was suspicious enough of Sugawara that he would set up a nanny cam in their bedroom.

It felt like…

_The final straw_.

Sugawara reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. He pulled up Daichi’s contact and sent a message.

_This Saturday, my place._

_One last time._

* * *

 

Walking up the stairs to Sugawara’s apartment felt less like the journey to a booty call and more like the final trek to judgment.

_One last time._

Did he really intend to end it after this night? Not just with Malcolm, but with Daichi too? Sugawara hadn’t given him any information, no details on what he came up with as a plan to finally finish this ordeal. The way he had spoken through his messages, it had sounded final.

The end.

No more Malcolm.

And… no more Daichi.

That wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted this to stop, he wanted Sugawara to finally split from Malcolm and kick him out, but Daichi wanted to continue to see him. He wanted to still be with him.

He wanted to still be allowed to love him.

Maybe feel him love him back.

Daichi definitely wasn’t ready for whatever was going to happen after this night.

But he swore to himself that he would accept it.

No matter what it was, no matter how it made him feel…

He would accept it.

At the door to the apartment, Daichi hesitated. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, steeling himself for what could possibly be the last time he and Sugawara were ever together in the same room.

He promised he would get the most out of it.

When he was as ready as he could be, he lifted his knuckles and rapped them against the door. The few seconds he waited for the door to be opened were pure torture, but then it was opening and Sugawara was there and the sight of him filled Daichi’s chest with both pain and relief and he momentarily questioned whether or not he would actually be able to go through with possibly giving up on this man.

Sugawara let out a soft breath when their eyes met. He was clearly fresh out of the shower, hair still slightly damp. He wore a pair of tight jeans and a long sleeved shirt only buttoned halfway up his chest.

He was still as beautiful as the first time Daichi had laid eyes on him, all those months ago. When he had opened this same door and immediately told Daichi to shut the fuck up. He had been abrasive and mean and threatening, and yet he had gotten Daichi’s heart racing with excitement, charming him the instant he had jabbed his chest with one stern finger and suggested he make Sugawara’s problem his.

Maybe he had taken that demand a little too seriously.

He was still as beautiful as that day in the meadow with petals in his hair, the way he laughed and tossed blades of grass at Daichi’s face, calling him corny and lame but tackling and kissing him in the wildflowers just the same.

He was still just as beautiful as he was asleep, nestled on Daichi’s chest, drooling and letting out little breathy moans, thumbnail pressed softly to his chin, as if on its way to his mouth.

And Daichi really wasn’t sure if he could actually go through with giving up on this man.

Sugawara reached out and tentatively took Daichi’s hand, pulling him into the apartment. The door closed behind him and Daichi’s mouth went dry, searching for something to say.

“Hi,” Sugawara released the soft greeting, staring at Daichi’s chin.

“Hey,” Daichi said, voice cracking pitifully on the weak reply.

Sugawara let go of his hand and pushed his hair behind one ear, fingers trembling.

And Daichi wished there was something he could say that would erase this tense air between them. He wanted to go back to how they were before, comfortable and playful. But no matter how hard he wracked his mind, the words wouldn’t come.

“Okay,” Sugawara breathed out, eliminating the need for Daichi to think any harder. “So…” He gulped. “Ho-how do you feel about having sex on camera?”

Daichi choked on the shock of the sudden question. He stared at Sugawara with wide eyes, speechless.

When Sugawara didn’t elaborate, merely stared quietly back at him, Daichi swallowed his disbelief.

“What?”

Sugawara looked away. “The other day, I found a _camera_ in the bedroom.” His voice took on a hardened edge. “Malcolm is _spying_ on me.”

Daichi’s stomach tightened and he gritted his teeth. “ _What?_ ”

“Yeah, so I just thought…” Sugawara floundered for a moment. “Why not give him something to watch?”

Daichi didn’t respond, chewing on his rage that Malcolm actually dared to put a camera in their bedroom. What a total and complete breach of Sugawara’s privacy. Daichi wanted to leave the apartment that second, go find the bastard, and beat him unconscious.

“There are a few different things we can do,” Sugawara said, drawing him back to the moment. “If you’re not comfortable with having sex on camera, then we could just like… uhm… make out a little bit—”

“I want him to see it.”

Sugawara blinked, shocked into silence by the terse suddenness of his voice.

Daichi’s nose twitched and he cupped Sugawara’s chin in his hand.

“I want the piece of shit to see and feel ashamed at how much better I can fuck you.”

Sugawara’s cheeks reddened. “O-okay…”

Daichi slowly backed him farther into the apartment.

“Just…” Sugawara whispered, voice trembling. “Some things… uhm…”

Daichi closed the distance between them, pressing his lips gently to the corner of his mouth. He then continued to kiss along his jaw, one arm circling his waist as his other hand trailed down his throat.

“The ca-camera is in the teddy bear on the shelf,” Sugawara said. “So… make sure we’re in its line of sight… but don’t make it obvious that you know it’s there…”

“Hmhm…” Daichi nudged his chin up and pressed his lips underneath it.

“I don’t know if it records audio,” Sugawara went on, gulping. “But just in case… don’t say anything that would blow our cover—”

“What cover?” Daichi’s teeth grazed the side of his throat.

“I want him to think that we don’t know he’s watching,” he said. “I want him to know that this isn’t the first time. That we’ve been doing this for a while now.”

“He’ll know,” Daichi’s voice lowered to a whisper. “He’ll know by how I touch you, that I know exactly where and how to do it to make you scream.”

Sugawara shuddered, fingers curling against his chest.

“Okay,” he breathed the word out, already flushed, shivering under Daichi’s hands.

And he really couldn’t wait for Malcolm to see how Sugawara melted at his touch, how Daichi knew him inside and out, better than Malcolm ever could.

He couldn’t have asked for a better way for Sugawara’s terrible boyfriend to find out the truth.

They backed their way to the door of the bedroom and Sugawara stopped, pushing Daichi away to pull his attention to his face.

“Last chance,” he said. “Anything else you need to ask or say?”

_I love you._

_Don’t let this be the last._

“How long do we have?” Daichi asked, voice rough.

Sugawara hesitated. “The whole night.”

Daichi reached past him and gripped the knob to the bedroom door. He moved close and said in a low, rumbling mumble,

“Then I’ll be taking advantage of every second.”

* * *

 

About a dozen possibilities flew through Sugawara’s mind in the first few steps backwards into the room.

What could they do that would hurt Malcolm the most?

What would he want to see the _least_?

Maybe Malcolm wouldn’t even watch the whole video. He might stop it as soon as he got the evidence he needed. So Sugawara needed to pull out the big guns immediately.

Make sure he hurt Malcolm the way he hurt Sugawara.

The way Sugawara hurt Daichi.

Sugawara gulped.

_Blow job._

_It’ll drive him insane to see me on my knees for another guy._

Daichi backed Sugawara up to the foot of the bed and he stopped when the backs of his legs connected with the mattress.

_Blow job._

Sugawara’s fingers touched the front of Daichi’s pants. He searched for the buckle of his belt, unable to pull his eyes from Daichi’s intense stare.

_Stop looking at me like that_.

_Please._

It was painful.

They had done this dozens of times before. This was _far_ from their first time.

But it very well might be their last.

And somehow, the last hurt so much more than the first.

Sugawara found the belt buckle and he tugged on it, fingers shaking as he worked it undone. Daichi ignored his hands and cupped Sugawara’s face. He closed the space between them and Sugawara had to squeeze his eyes shut to keep the moisture that pinched in them from falling.

It was so painful.

Sugawara wanted to tell him.

_I’m sorry._

_I’m so sorry._

He was sorry for ever dragging Daichi into this mess. He was sorry for dragging his feet in ending it with Malcolm. He was sorry for being weak and gullible and repeatedly making the same mistake, trusting his untrustworthy boyfriend and hurting the one guy who might actually love Sugawara.

He wanted to tell him, but Daichi’s lips were on his, his tongue inside his mouth, and he just couldn’t find the words.

Sugawara opened the front of Daichi’s pants and pushed them down his thighs.

Now wasn’t the time to mourn the death of something good.

Now was the time to deliver the revenge he had been trying so pathetically to carry out this entire experience.

_End._

_End it._

Sugawara shifted his weight to his right foot, gently nudging Daichi to move just a step to the left so that the camera could better see both of them. Daichi obliged, still kissing him deep and slow and not at all how Sugawara had anticipated.

He had expected him to go harder. Malcolm was finally going to see them together. He thought Daichi would want to rub it in as hard as he could, ravaging Sugawara like a wild animal.

Instead, he was soft, gentle. He kissed Sugawara tenderly, thumbs smoothing lazily over his cheeks.

Sugawara couldn’t stand it.

He couldn’t handle Daichi being gentle with him right now.

He didn’t deserve it.

Sugawara broke off the kiss and dropped to his knees, fingers hooking in the waistband of Daichi's boxers and tugging them down. His erection sprung free and Sugawara immediately caught it in his mouth, swirling his tongue around the head and pushing forward to take him deeper. Sugawara’s fingers curled in the fabric of Daichi’s pants and he gulped him down. He urged him with his tongue and his lips to get into it, to grab his hair, to fuck into his throat, to lean him back against the mattress and force him to take him all the way…

Sugawara just needed him to stop treating him so goddamn gently and fuck him the way Malcolm would hate the most.

But Daichi refused to play along.

Strong hands gripped at Sugawara’s biceps and dragged him back to his feet once more. One hand buried in the hair at the back of his head and the other circled his waist and hugged him close to his chest. Daichi pulled Sugawara’s head close and pressed his lips to his ear.

“I can see you thinking about him,” he whispered.

Sugawara stared at his shoulder, chills shooting down his spine.

“Didn’t I tell you that you’re not allowed to think about him when you’re with me?” Daichi went on, arm around his waist shifting until his fingers slipped under his shirt and traveled slowly up his back. His lips pressed to the tender skin behind his ear and Sugawara’s eyes fluttered shut.

His fingers threaded softly through Sugawara’s hair, lulling him into a hazy state of relaxation while his other hand smoothed up to his shoulder blades and then back down, rough, calloused palm drawing shivers to the surface of his skin.

“Tonight…” he murmured and Sugawara bit his bottom lip at how his deep, rumbling voice made the muscles of his abdomen tighten in arousal. “You and I are the only two people in the whole world.”

Teeth grazed the side of his throat and Sugawara went weak, sinking into his touch.

“Don’t think about him,” Daichi said. “I’m the only one. Got it?”

His hand traveled down and over the seat of his pants, fingers squeezing a handful of his ass. Sugawara sucked in a shuddering breath, forgetting to answer.

“Suga.” Daichi’s voice lowered into a growl and Sugawara’s hips involuntarily flexed forward as the sound filled his ear. “Answer me.”

“Yes,” he whispered. “Ye-yes.”

“Yes what?”

Daichi’s fingers tugged Sugawara’s head back, and he let him, panting lightly towards the ceiling as Daichi sucked the skin under his jaw.

“Just…” he tried to speak, mind going blank when Daichi’s hand on his ass moved lower, fingers probing against his jeans. “Us… just _you_.”

“Who?”

“ _Daichi_.”

Sugawara gripped his shoulders tight when he felt the sting of Daichi’s lips sucking a hickey onto his throat before shifting lower to do it again. He continued to kiss and grope and leave stinging marks on his neck as Sugawara mewled his name and turned to pudding in his arms, being completely held up by his strength alone.

He eventually laid Sugawara down on the foot of the bed, legs hanging over the side, and he sank gratefully down into the mattress. Daichi’s fingers began slowly working the buttons of Sugawara’s shirt undone and he watched, chewing on his bottom lip. Daichi’s face was flushed and his eyes followed his movement with intense concentration.

Sugawara’s mind traveled momentarily back to the camera and Malcolm and he gulped.

Daichi told him not to think about him.

So he wouldn’t.

“Daichi,” he whispered, drawing his eyes to his face. “I… already got myself ready. Before you got here.”

Daichi’s eyes flashed down towards his lower body and then back up.

“So hurry up,” Sugawara pleaded.

Daichi pushed his shirt open and pressed one fingertip to the center of his chest.

“No,” he said.

Sugawara groaned, flexing his muscles as Daichi’s finger traced slowly down his abdomen. “ _Daichi…_ ”

“For the first time since I’ve met you,” Daichi murmured. “I’m going to go _slow_.” He leaned over him and kissed the hollow of Sugawara’s collarbone. “I’m going to do everything I’ve been wanting to do to you for the past several months.” He sucked a hickey onto his chest, tongue laving over the fresh bruise before he placed another, just under his left nipple. “I’m going to leave my mark all over you,” he whispered, hot breath tickling his skin.

He straightened and pulled his shirt up and over his head. Sugawara chewed on his bottom lip, dragging his eyes over his tanned, muscled chest as he cast the shirt to the side.

When he came back down over him, Sugawara held his breath, hands timidly touching his sides.

Daichi held his gaze, one hand slipping down his stomach to the front of his pants.

“Tonight, you’re all mine,” he said, thumbing off the button. “You won’t be able to look in the mirror for weeks without being reminded of how I fucked you tonight.”

Sugawara shuddered with anticipation and opened his mouth for Daichi as he captured it in a kiss, thrusting his tongue deep inside. His fingers wrapped around his shaft and pumped him lazily, enticing a moan from Sugawara’s throat. They kissed until Sugawara was gasping for breath, turning his face away for air.

Daichi moved down his chest once more, sucking hickey after hickey into his skin until Sugawara’s entire body tingled and he twitched each time his mouth made contact with yet another spot.

His hands pushed his pants and boxers down his legs as he knelt down on the floor between his thighs, tongue circling his bellybutton. Sugawara’s fingers knotted in the sheets on either side of him and he closed his eyes, small, panting breaths escaping his mouth with every touch of lips and tongue and hands.

Daichi discarded Sugawara’s pants and then his hands were on his thighs, traveling down from his hips to his knees. He forced them open wide and Sugawara whimpered, gripping the sheets tighter. And then Daichi’s mouth was on the sensitive flesh at the top of Sugawara’s inner right thigh. He felt the wet swipe of his tongue before he suckled. There was a dull sting as his skin bruised and Sugawara flinched, feet arching until they were on his toes, legs trembling.

Daichi continued to leave kiss marks all along the insides of Sugawara’s thighs and then lifted one leg up, trailing his lips down his shin to his ankle. The gentle kisses, paired with the sharp prickle of his sucking worked Sugawara into a trembling, hazy mess, and he melted down into the bed.

He didn’t know how it was possible. Daichi hadn’t even done anything substantial to him yet but Sugawara felt _ravaged_. He wasn’t used to this type of sex. This… _lovemaking_ type of sex that was tender and fueled by something soft, less than lust but more than anything Sugawara had ever felt before.

It almost made him uncomfortable, too painful and frustrated.

He wished he’d just be rough with him, use him as something to get his own selfish gratification and nothing more.

It’d be easier to handle than _this_.

Daichi stood once more and Sugawara stared up at him, breathing heavily. He prayed that the torment was over and he would finally get on with something he was more accustomed to dealing with, but one look in Daichi’s eyes told him that rather than being over… the torment was just merely beginning.

His hands gripped his hips and gently rolled him. Sugawara didn’t fight it, letting him flip him onto his stomach, legs still hanging over the foot of the bed, toes curled in the rug.

His shirt was pulled down and off his arms and then rough palms coasted up his back, thumbs pressed hard down into his spine. Sugawara moaned and dropped his face down into the mattress. Daichi went to work decorating his back, his shoulder blades, the nape of his neck, with hickeys, and Sugawara was powerless beneath him, quivering and wordlessly begging for him to just _get it over with._

A soft _thud_ signaled Daichi lowering to his knees once more, and then his hands were pushing Sugawara’s thighs wide again, enticing a pitiful whimper from him.

He felt too exposed.

Too intimate.

It was overwhelming and intense and Sugawara wanted to tell Daichi to stop, to knock it off.

To just fuck him already.

But then his lips were on the soft skin at the very top of his left thigh, just under the cleft of his ass and all the words died on his tongue. Sugawara shuddered as Daichi placed hickey after hickey on the backs of his thighs, and then spent a painfully long while tickling the back of his knee with his tongue and light nips of his teeth.

“ _Daichi…_ ” Sugawara groaned into the bed.

Daichi’s fingers coasted up his shins to his knees while his tongue licked up the back of his thigh to the curve of his bottom. Sugawara held his breath, heat flushing through him. And then Daichi’s teeth sunk into his flesh and Sugawara gasped into the sheets.

“ _Daichi!_ ”

“Yeah?” Daichi’s rough voice answered from behind. “Something wrong, Honey?”

Sugawara moaned. “You’re _torturing me_.”

“Aren’t you the one torturing me?” His voice dropped several octaves, and Sugawara’s erection twitched against the mattress in response. “Looking the way you do… tasting the way you do…” Daichi kissed the small of his back, just above the swell of his ass. “I could do this all night long…”

“Please don’t,” Sugawara whimpered. “I… I can’t take it…”

“Can’t you?”

“ _No._ ”

Without warning, two fingers pressed inside him and Sugawara let out a cry of surprise. Even though he had already prepped himself, and they went in smoothly, sliding in with the lube already coating his entrance, the suddenness of their invasion sent his heart into a furious frenzy and he instinctively tightened around him, legs tensing, pushing against the floor.

Daichi stood once more and Sugawara heard the rustling of his pants as he removed them, fingers still moving inside him, probing deep and stoking the heat that throbbed in his lower body.

“ _Hnn, Daichi…_ ” Sugawara pushed his face harder into the mattress. “ _I… ah… need you…_ ” He lifted his hips, moving with him, trying to keep him inside.

Daichi didn’t speak, just continued to fuck him with his fingers, until Sugawara was whining and clenching around him, desperate for more, more, more.

Finally, just when Sugawara was about ready to write off ever getting properly fucked and just give in to the pleasure of fingers alone, Daichi withdrew. Sugawara panted into the sheets, waiting with anticipation winding a hot knot in his stomach. He felt Daichi line himself up behind him and held his breath, legs trembling.

Sugawara expected something swift, like usual. He expected Daichi to slam inside him and then not stop, relentlessly plunging in again and again until Sugawara was sobbing in pleasure, like usual.

He wasn’t expecting the gentle way he entered him instead. He didn’t expect the soft hold on his hips, the slow thrust, the heat over his back as Daichi leaned down and kissed the nape of his neck.

Tears burst from Sugawara’s eyes and he hid his face in the sheets.

He couldn’t take it.

He didn’t know how to handle this… _lovemaking_.

Not now.

Not when Sugawara was at the end of his rope, trying so hard to make someone else suffer while indirectly making another suffer too.

He didn’t deserve this tenderness now.

Daichi kissed his neck again as he sunk completely inside. He leaned his forehead on the back of Sugawara’s head and Sugawara tried desperately to swallow his tears, keep him from knowing.

“You okay, Honey?” Daichi’s whisper ruffled the baby hairs at the nape of his neck and he gulped, chills running down his spine.

“Yes,” he said when he could finally find his voice. He inhaled a deep breath. “Daichi… please fuck me hard. As hard as you can.”

Daichi was silent for a moment. And then he was drawing slowly out before pushing back inside.

Gentle.

It was so soft and tender and while it still felt good, stretching him wide and filling him with delicious heat…

Sugawara choked on a sob, clawing at the bedding. He couldn’t _take it_.

He just couldn’t stand this sort of treatment.

Not now.

Not when Sugawara was a bastard who didn’t deserve a single ounce of Daichi’s love.

His chest racked with another sob and then Daichi was pulling out of him, hands tight on his waist. He tugged him back, rolling him to his side. Sugawara gripped the sheet, holding it to his eyes to keep his face hidden as he maneuvered him onto his back. When Daichi tried to tug the sheet from his face, he held it tighter.

“Suga…”

He slid an arm around his back and pulled him upright. Sugawara let the sheet slip and immediately wrapped his arms around his neck, hiding his face before he could see the tear tracks down his cheeks.

“Suga—” He touched the back of his head and Sugawara sucked in a shuddering breath.

He released a pitiful whimper, arms tightening around his neck. “I don’t…” he whispered, voice shaking. “I don’t want him to see…”

Daichi was silent and still for long seconds. Then his arm tightened around him and he shifted back, lifting Sugawara up off of the bed before sinking to his knees on the floor. Daichi grabbed the sheet and pulled it with them, tucking it underneath Sugawara’s body as he laid him out on the floor, out of sight of the camera on the shelf.

Fingers smoothed through Sugawara’s hair, coaxing him into loosening his hold around Daichi’s neck enough for him to lift his head and stare down into his face. His eyes softened when he saw the tears streaming from his eyes.

Sugawara’s brows trembled and pulled tight together. He sniffled and then let out a sob, fingers digging in to his shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” he cried. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, _I’m sorry, I’m_ —”

Daichi silenced him with a kiss. Their lips slanted together and he kissed him frantically, cupping his face in one hand. Sugawara panted against his mouth, the sliding of their tongues distracting him from his sadness momentarily. He held Daichi’s head in his hands and kissed him until the only thing he could think about was how empty he felt without him inside him.

He hooked his legs up over his hips and tried to pull him down, urging him to continue their lovemaking, as painful as it was.

As little as he could stand it.

“Daichi…” Sugawara whispered against his lips. “Daichi… Daichi… Daichi…”

Daichi breathed heavily as he took his hips in his hands and pulled him closer, lining himself up yet again. This time when he thrust inside, Sugawara didn’t waste a second to complain about the gentleness of the action. He was too busy kissing him, moaning in the back of his throat over the pleasure of being filled.

He didn’t mind that the way he ground into him was slow and tender, even more so now that they were on the hard floor. Sugawara let himself savor every touch, engrain the memory of every single moment in his mind so that he’d never forget how it felt to be loved by this man.

Eventually, Daichi’s thrusting quickened. His breath shortened and he broke off their kissing. His forehead dropped against Sugawara’s and he panted, brows furrowed over his hazy eyes. Sugawara gulped and lifted his hips, releasing a stuttering moan when a spike of pleasure shot through him.

“Daichi…” he mewled.

Finally he took mercy on him, and Daichi’s fingers dug deep into Sugawara’s thigh. He sucked in a hissing breath and plunged into him with new strength, the slaps of their bodies meeting gaining volume as they echoed through the room.

“ _Ah—Ahn!”_ Sugawara gasped, back arching.

The thrusts turned rough, desperate, and Sugawara’s sounds turned into keening cries, his hands dropping to his shoulders for his nails to bite into his skin.

“Suga…” Daichi moaned. “Suga… I love you. I love you.”

Tears slipped down Sugawara’s temples and he let out a whimpering sob.

“I love you… I love you…” Daichi repeated, again and again, until Sugawara was bursting with ecstasy, releasing a cry as waves of pleasure rolled through him. Daichi gasped out a moan of his own and came soon after, giving a few more deep pumps into Sugawara before collapsing on top of him, holding his weight on his arms.

For long seconds, they panted in tandem, sweat soaked bodies melded together. Daichi’s lips pressed to the side of Sugawara’s throat and he closed his eyes, fingers finally loosening their tight grip on his shoulders.

“I love you,” Daichi whispered, leaning his forehead against Sugawara’s temple.

Sugawara’s chin trembled and he wrapped his arms tight around Daichi’s neck as he mumbled the confession again, voice rough.

“Suga, I love you.”

Sugawara squeezed his eyes shut and bit down on his bottom lip to prevent himself from breaking down in sobs yet again.

_I love you._

_I love you too._

* * *

 

Sugawara had Malcolm’s bags packed by the time he showed up.

He sat on the couch with them stacked on the ground next to him and waited. When the finally heard the click of the door opening and then the following slam of it flying shut, he didn’t react.

There was nothing left anyway. No more anger, no more sadness.

He was just… tired.

Malcolm rounded the couch to stand in front of him, but the angry expression on his face melted away the instant he caught sight of the bags waiting for him. The anger transformed to surprise, and then weary realization.

Sugawara stared up at him wordlessly as he rubbed his eyes and then slowly lowered onto the coffee table.

Neither of them said a thing for a long minute.

Then Malcolm muttered, voice low,

“You knew.”

It wasn’t a question, but Sugawara answered it anyway.

“Yeah.”

Malcolm stared down at the floor between them. “How long?”

“Long enough.”

He chewed on his bottom lip, brows furrowing. Sugawara stared at him, trying to decipher his expression. Frustration… hurt… confusion… he couldn’t tell what he saw there.

“I suppose this is the end then,” Malcolm said after a while, glancing towards the bags.

“You can come get the bigger items when you’ve got a truck to haul them.”

Malcolm let out a sigh and leaned his elbows on his knees.

“Shit,” he whispered. “I… I really fucked up.”

Sugawara felt nothing over his words. He played with a ragged edge of his thumbnail.

“Are you talking about cheating, or getting caught?” he asked.

Malcolm didn’t reply, still staring at the floor.

Sugawara found an ounce of anger and squeezed his hands into fists. His voice was rough when he asked, “How could you do it?”

Malcolm hung his head. “I don’t know… I just—”

“Not the cheating,” Sugawara interrupted. “How could you come home and pretend like you still loved me? How could you do it so well that I actually believed it all this time?”

He lifted his head again. “It’s because it’s true! I _do_ love you!”

They fell silent. Malcolm’s expression was remorseful, forehead wrinkled and chin trembling slightly.

“You love me,” Sugawara repeated dully.

“Yes…”

“Just not enough to care about hurting me?”

Malcolm’s eyes lowered again and he gulped hard.

The deafening silence that followed the question was all the answer Sugawara needed. He glanced at the bags.

“If you don’t have any place to stay, then I’ll let you sleep on the couch for a few days. But I’d prefer you be gone by the weekend.”

“No… I can find a place.”

“Good. Do you need help taking everything to your car?”

“I’ll do it.”

Sugawara nodded.

Malcolm hesitated for long seconds, rubbing his palms together. Finally, he glanced up at Sugawara and asked in a soft voice,

“Does it at least feel good? Getting your revenge?”

Sugawara swallowed.

“It doesn’t feel good,” he said, barely audible.

Malcolm blinked at him, clearly not expecting that answer.

“This… This entire situation has just been an exercise of manipulation," Sugawara went on. "A contest of misery.” He reached up and rubbed his eyes, chest swelling with painful emotion. “I honestly thought there was no downside to it, to begin this whole plan to do to you what you did to me.” He dropped his hand to his lap and stared at it. “You were the only one who was going to suffer, so it was okay. Because you were the villain."

Sugawara met his stare momentarily, voice hardening.

"You _deserved_ it."

Malcolm's brows furrowed and Sugawara looked away again.

"I had no idea how much it would wind up hurting me… hurting _Daichi_.” His eyes stung and his throat felt raw. “I wish I had never done it. Instead of scheming and cheating, fighting this fire with gasoline… I should have just ended it from the moment I found out. Now I have to clean up the ashes left over from the flames I fanned with my own goddamn hands.” He squeezed his hands into fists in his lap, watching his skin tighten over his knuckles. “So no. It _doesn’t_ feel good.”

They were both silent for long seconds before Sugawara let out a breath.

“I thought that I would only be happy once you were as miserable as I am.”

He glanced up at him tiredly, meeting his equally tired green eyes.

“But I’m still miserable. Now just… with company.”

Malcolm rubbed his face with both hands, holding them over his eyes for long seconds. When he lowered them once more, he straightened and curled his fingers against the thighs of his jeans. His eyes were bloodshot, cheeks flushed.

“I know that it doesn’t make anything better,” he began, voice hoarse. “But for what it’s worth… I’m sorry.”

“Are you?”

“Yeah,” he didn’t hesitate. “I am. And…” He reached into his pocket and pulled out an SD card in a small plastic case. “Here. You should probably have this.” He held it out to him and Sugawara leaned forward to take it.

He sat back and turned it over in his fingers, staring at it quietly.

Malcolm cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. “I… can’t promise that I won’t get drunk one night and upload it to the internet.”

Sugawara snorted and set the card containing the video of him and Daichi to the side. “Thanks for your honesty.”

“I’d really be pathetic if I wasn’t honest at least about this,” he said softly. After another moment’s hesitation, he stood and moved to his bags.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to help?” Sugawara started but Malcolm held up a hand.

“C’mon, let me leave with at least _some_ of my pride intact.”

Sugawara was silent.

“Like, sure, I’m a cheating, scumbag, shit for brains who can't fucking appreciate the good things he has..." He gulped. "But at least I didn’t make the guy I hurt carry my stuff down the stairs for me.” Malcolm chuckled but the sound was hollow.

He gathered up all of his things until he was completely laden with bags and holding stray items in his arms. Sugawara followed him to the door and opened it for him.

Malcolm hesitated in the doorway, giving him another look.

“You know…” he began and Sugawara steeled himself for whatever last words he had for him. “Daichi… he’s a mean motherfucker and a little bit gullible but... he's a good guy.”

Sugawara gulped.

“Doesn’t matter,” he whispered. “We’re not together.”

Malcolm stared at him for a moment before walking out into the hall.

“That’s too bad,” he said. “He’d be good to you. Better than me.” He paused, not looking at him. “And… you looked… happier. With him.” He waited a few more seconds and then sighed, shoulders slumping. “Bye, Koushi.”

Sugawara gripped the door, fingers creaking. “Goodbye Malcolm.”

Malcolm headed up the hallway and Sugawara closed the door behind him.

And finally let himself cry.

One last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HISTORY by X Ambassadors literally made me cry while I was writing this okay don't look at me i'm a weak loser.  
> I agonized over this chapter for so long, I hope it's good enough.
> 
> We are at the END friends! Next chapter is the final chapter, so I hope you all enjoy the conclusion to this story! Thanks for sticking with me this long. I appreciate you <3
> 
> Come yell at me on [Tumblr.](https://mooifyourecows.tumblr.com/)  
> [Misery's Company Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0VIS1hwzYLDruc9LIbHWby?si=OQczSTp3QOGKrfehUxFQ5A)
> 
> Next Time:  
> Grow


	10. Honey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The start of something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moods:  
> [Hurt by You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-Re2ufhFIc)  
> "I wanna give, give you all that I got  
> And I wanna believe we'll defy all the odds  
> And I hope you don't hurt me  
> But oh, if you do  
> It would be worth getting hurt by you"
> 
> [Show Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKNGsupfNU4)  
> "Both of us are moving in closer  
> And i can feel your words in my hands  
> So teach me how to speak like you do  
> I could be yours"

Daichi leaned his forehead against the heel of his hand, staring at the catalogue on the desk in front of him as he twisted a pen in the fingers of his other hand. It was no use. The longer he stared, the _less_ he remembered what he was supposed to order for the shop.

It was no use.

The only thing he had been able to think about over the past month was how he was definitely _not_ thinking about Sugawara and that last night they spent together.

He could only think about how he wasn’t thinking about how it had been an entire month since he had seen him.

Since he had spoken to him.

He swore he wasn’t thinking about _that_.

Daichi’s eyelids slid shut and he let out a soft sigh.

He _wished_ he wasn’t.

It was absolutely pathetic, after all, that even though he had resolved himself to leave Sugawara alone after that night… his heart still hadn’t healed.

_I miss him._

_How long does it take for a broken heart to heal?_

_I hate this._

It wasn’t enough that it fucked with his personal life. Even at work, he struggled. He was so distracted all the time that Iwaizumi had been forced to care for him, like he was a damn infant who couldn’t do a single thing by himself.

If Daichi wasn’t so hurt and pitiful, he might be horrified at the absolute destruction of his pride.

If he had any pride left in the first place.

The pen slipped through his fingers and clattered to the desk and he let out a groan and slumped over, using his bicep as a pillow. His eyes drifted across his office to the plant sitting atop the filing cabinet, leaves drooped and yellowing. The blinds covered the window, blocking the sun from reaching the tired leaves, and Daichi couldn’t remember the last time he had even watered the poor thing.

Sugawara would probably be horrified if he saw it.

The sound of the door opening drew his eyes across the office. Iwaizumi stepped inside the room, lips turning down at the sight of him there, slouched over the desk and _not_ making orders like he was supposed to be.

Iwaizumi decided not to lecture him on that fact, instead leaning against the doorframe and asking,

“Hey, could you go help the customer in the garage? I’ve got my hands full.”

Daichi wanted to say no. He couldn’t. He didn’t know a spark plug from a blinker bulb at the moment.

How could he possibly be any help?

But surely he had relied too much on Iwaizumi this past month. He had even begun taking Daichi’s regulars, doing the bulk of the hard work and allowing Daichi to melt into his desk in his office, doing menial tasks even _he_ couldn’t fuck up. (Though somehow he did… again… and again…)

At this rate, Iwaizumi’s charity was going to run completely dry and Daichi would be tossed out on the street on his ass without a job.

He inhaled a deep breath and pushed himself to his feet.

“Sure,” he mumbled. “No problem.”

“Thanks,” Iwaizumi stepped out of the office and waited in the hall as Daichi slowly followed. “It’s the only car in there,” Iwaizumi told him, slapping his back and then giving his shoulder a single squeeze. “Good luck.”

Daichi watched him walk up the hall and disappear back into the front of the shop. He peeked through at the waiting room while the door was closing, pursing his lips in confusion when he saw nothing but an empty room.

_Hands are full, huh?_

He shook his head and turned for the garage. He supposed that was Iwaizumi’s polite way of demanding he get his act together and stop feeling so damn sorry for himself.

And he supposed it was about time he really put forth an effort.

As he pushed into the garage, he ran one hand through his hair, working it out of its sad, flat state and hopefully giving his appearance a little life before he spoke to whoever it was that needed their vehicle serviced.

“So what’s—” he began, but the words died on his tongue when his eyes fell on the lone car parked in the center of the garage.

Because that was a 1955 Ford Thunderbird convertible… wasn’t it?

His mouth went dry and he approached the vehicle, heart thudding. It was out of shape, the red paint faded and the passenger side door dented under the door handle. The soft top was withered and falling apart near the windshield, the front left headlight shattered and the right fender rusted. He moved close and circled it, eyes wide. At the opened driver’s side window, he gripped the door and peered inside at the ripped red and white leather seats, the cracked dash, and off kilter gear shift.

_Perfect._

It was perfect. The layout of the cab, the shape of its body… it was exactly like his father’s old T-bird and the sight of it brought forth a wave of nostalgia of the days of Daichi's childhood, feeling the wind in his hair as his father drove him and his siblings into town for ice cream.

It was enough to bring a tear to his eye.

He itched to pop the hood and see the state of the engine, mind already whirling with how he could possibly convince the owner to sell it to him.

Before he could start nosing about under the hood, his eyes fell on a plastic bag sitting in the driver’s seat and a deliciously familiar scent wafted into his nose. Daichi paused, staring down at the bag for a moment. He straightened and looked around the garage.

“Hello?” he called, searching for the owner. “Hello? I need to know what the problem is…”

But the garage was empty and quiet.

Daichi huffed. Had they gone back into the waiting room? He prepared to head back that way, but paused again, eyes sliding towards the bag once more.

That smell…

He chewed on his bottom lip and reached through the window to tug on the bag, opening it slightly to look inside at the Styrofoam container.

Then he saw the note.

_Daichi_

His mouth went dry at the sight of his name printed neatly on the folded paper resting on top of the food container.

_Who…_

But he already knew, didn’t he?

He didn’t even need to open it to know.

But he reached in and grabbed it anyway. His hands trembled as he lifted it up and out of car, fumbling with the corner to unfold it. Inside, a heart shaped, green and orange leaf was taped to the paper.

Daichi’s heart thundered and gently pried the leaf from the note. It had been pressed and laminated and when he turned it over, the underside had been written on in black marker.

_Thank you for everything_

_-Honey_

Daichi sucked in a shuddering breath and slumped over the side of the driver’s side door. His eyes pinched with moisture as he stared at the leaf, turning it over in his fingers. He sniffed and the delicious scent hit him again. He reached down into the bag and popped open Styrofoam container.

Just one look at the tamales had him pressing the lid back down once more, head falling forward and thumping against the door.

“ _God damn it…_ ”

* * *

 

“Are you sure you don’t wanna come?”

Sugawara hummed and tossed his jacket onto the hallway table as he passed it. “I’m good. Thanks for the offer.”

“It’s not like you’d be third wheeling,” Oikawa said, following him into the apartment. “I swear.”

Sugawara let out a laugh, crossing the kitchen. “I never said I would be. But now that you said it, I’d definitely feel like I was.”

Oikawa let out a huffing sigh and leaned on the breakfast bar, giving him a pout.

“C’mon. It’ll be fun. We can like… rent one of those swan paddleboats and—”

“ _Ew_ ,” Sugawara grabbed a bottle of lemonade from the refrigerator and turned towards him, scrunching his nose. “I can literally _taste_ your pity from here. Please spare me.”

Oikawa gasped indignantly. “Shut the fuck up.”

“ _You_ shut the fuck up.”

“It’s not _pity—_ ”

“Oikawa, seriously,” Sugawara interrupted. He gave him a small smile. “Thank you for the ride. I hope you and Iwaizumi have fun on your date. Don’t worry about me. I’m just gonna relax. Maybe pack some more.”

Oikawa didn’t look convinced. He eyed Sugawara with a steady glare.

Sugawara rolled his eyes. “I thought you were going to try to get Iwaizumi to finally have sex with you tonight?”

He pursed his lips.

“That’ll be impossible with me around, right?”

He glared at him for a little while longer before straightening and turning. “Fine! Stay home and drink wine and be lonely all night! See if I care!”

Sugawara chuckled. “Bye. Good luck getting that D!”

Oikawa marched off towards the door. “I swear if I get cockblocked one more damn time I’m calling the police! Iwa-chan is so cruel!”

“Yeah yeah…”

Oikawa hesitated at the door, giving him a look over his shoulder.

“You sure?” he asked one more time.

Sugawara unscrewed the lid of his lemonade, smiling in a way he hoped would reassure him of his determination to stay in that night.

“I’m positive. Have fun.”

Oikawa huffed and pulled the door open. “Fine. Okay. Bye. Love you.”

“Love you too, Bitch.”

“Eat shit, Fuckface.”

The door closed and Sugawara was alone.

Again.

Like he had been every night for the past month.

For a moment, he let the silence roll over him, staring across the apartment to where boxes, some empty and others packed and taped shut, littered the living room.

It’s not like he had any sort of emotional attachment to the apartment itself. He had only lived there for two years and while it had served him well, he no longer felt that it represented a home to him. There was a time when it had, back when it was fun and new, living with a boyfriend for the first time in his life. It had been exciting, moving Malcolm's things in, finding the perfect places for him to make his mark on the home they shared.

It wasn’t exciting anymore, finding remnants of those marks now.

Now it was painful, pulling picture frames from walls and finding a sneaky love note stuffed behind it,

_Dear Babe,_

_You farted in your sleep last night_

_It was really fuckin funny_

_Love your dumb face_

_-Milk-em_

Now, the sooner Sugawara could leave this place, the better.

He let out a sigh and took a slow drink from the lemonade.

Suddenly, loud banging erupted from the front door, echoing through the apartment and making him choke on the drink, spitting the juice up onto the counter.

He coughed and set the bottle aside, ripping a paper towel off of the roll to wipe his face.

“ _Jesus_ ,” he whispered and threw the towel aside. He let out a groan as he rounded the counter and crossed the apartment. “Oikawa,” he whined. “For the _last time_ …” He grabbed the door knob and wrenched the door open. “I do _not_ want to go to the zoo with you and—”

But it wasn’t Oikawa waiting for him out in the hallway.

The breath caught in Sugawara’s lungs and he took a step backwards as Daichi entered the apartment, slamming the door behind him. Sudden, uncontrollable emotion came rushing back, all the feelings that had sat in the pit of his gut for the past month rose to the surface and he couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think.

“What the _fucking hell,_ Suga?” Daichi growled and the sound sent a tremble through Sugawara’s body.

God he had missed that voice.

“Are you fucking _kidding_ me?” Daichi said, stepping after him when Sugawara backed away. “I don’t hear from you for a _month_ and you think you can just sneak over to my work and then leave without even talking to me?”

“I—”

“And what the hell is that car about? Huh?” Daichi ripped his jacket off and threw it to the ground, still pushing Sugawara back with his slow steps towards him.

“I… uhm—” Sugawara's heart was racing in his throat, and he just couldn't seem to get his voice under control.

Not that Daichi gave him the chance to answer anyway.

“You think buying me a car is enough to get me to forgive you for disappearing like you did?” he said. “You think I’m that easy?” He kicked his shoes off.

“No—”

“I don’t see you… don’t even hear from you for a whole _thirty-six days_." Daichi's voice was terse, his eyebrows low over his piercing glare. "Here I’m thinking I’ll never see you again and then you pull this shit? What the fuck is going on in your head?”

"I—"

"And then leaving me that leaf? Seriously? Are you just fucking with me now? Giving me something adorable like that, it's like you're _trying_ to rub salt in the wound—"

“I wanted to give you a chance!” Sugawara finally forced the words out, cutting him off.

“A chance to _what_?” Daichi's voice rose.

“To change your mind!”

Tears pricked in his eyes and he bit his bottom lip. Daichi stared at him quietly for a moment, hesitating.

But then he took another step towards him, forcing him back again.

“About what?” his voice lowered, went soft, almost a warning.

Sugawara gulped.

“About loving me,” he whispered.

Daichi stopped.

Sugawara stared down at the center of his white t-shirt. “I… I wanted to give you a chance to really decide if you actually loved me. Instead of maybe… getting caught up in the... the thrill of… of it all…”

“The _thrill_ ,” Daichi repeated.

“Yes…”

“Are you kidding me? The thrill was the worst fucking part, Suga.”

Sugawara's pulse leapt in his throat and he slowly lifted his eyes to his face. Daichi’s brows furrowed.

“I _hated_ the thrill,” he said. “Sure, it was _hot_ , fucking you while you were on the phone with that jackass.”

Sugawara’s stomach tightened.

“But I’d trade fucking you in secret for holding your hand in public _any damn day._ ”

Sugawara’s chin trembled and he reached out, pressing a hand to Daichi’s chest, just needing to touch him, finally, after all this time. Daichi covered it with his own, stepping forward once more, nudging Sugawara in the direction of the bedroom.

“I…” Sugawara stammered, voice weak. “I’m seeing a therapist.”

Daichi didn’t answer, holding his stare as they continued across the living room, maneuvering around boxes.

“I’ve been working on some things,” Sugawara went on, desperate to get the words out. “Like… sleeping alone… I can do it now. Sometimes. It’s not as difficult as it used to be. I don’t stay up all night anymore.”

They crossed the threshold into the bedroom.

“And… I understand myself better than I used to. I realized that…” He reached out with his other hand and gripped the fabric of Daichi’s shirt at his shoulder. He gulped, meeting his steady stare. “All this time I’ve been trying so hard to preserve myself. When I should have been letting myself grow.”

Daichi’s arm circled his waist and he closed some of the distance between their bodies.

Sugawara’s breath caught and he wet his lips, eyes pinching with moisture.

“I was trying so hard to hang on to who I was at that moment, that I wasn’t letting myself grow into who I was supposed to be. I was hanging on to that relationship… to Malcolm… to who I was when I was with him. Even though that version of me was already dying… was already dead… I wanted to preserve myself the way I was because I was scared of what was next.”

Tears slipped down his cheeks and Daichi released his hand and gently brushed them away.

“I didn’t want to lose my—”

A sob ripped its way through him and Sugawara reached up and cupped Daichi’s head in his hands.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m so sorry. I have no right to ask for your forgiveness and if you want to leave and never see me again, then I’ll understand but…” He pulled Daichi’s face close. “Before you do, I need you to know.”

Daichi stared quietly into his eyes, other arm sliding around his waist.

“I love you,” Sugawara said, tightening his hold on his head. “I love you. I _really_ love you. Maybe it's too late. Maybe you don’t love me anymore. But I need you to know that I love you, and if you still want me… I’ll try so, _so hard_ to trust you.” The tears quickened on their tracks down his cheeks. “I know you’re not the same as Ma—”

Daichi kissed him, shutting him up.

The sting of relief that shot through Sugawara was so overpowering that his tears merely flowed faster, his entire body quivering with poorly suppressed sobs.

How embarrassing.

He had rehearsed their eventual reunion about a hundred times in his head and yet it all fell to pieces when he was actually there with him. He had wanted to show Daichi that he had matured, that he had gotten better and that he was finally worthy of his love. He wanted Daichi to be able to see that he was taking his therapy seriously, that he was changed.

He had planned on being charming and witty and strong, so that he could sweep Daichi off of his feet, convince him to take another chance on him.

How mortifying.

Maybe he hadn’t changed as much as he thought he had.

Daichi broke off the kiss and leaned their foreheads together.

“Fuck,” he whispered. “I have such a boner right now.”

Sugawara sputtered and leaned away.

“ _Daichi_ —”

“No I’m serious. Fuck, Honey, you gotta know at this point that I get off on romance.” Daichi’s hands slid down under his thighs and he promptly lifted him up off of the floor.

Sugawara moaned and wiped his cheeks, hiding his eyes. “Daichi…”

“Suga.”

He gulped and lowered his hand to peer down at him.

Daichi smiled, and the motion was so tender, matching the look in his eyes as he stared up at him.

“Will you go to the botanical gardens with me?” he asked, voice soft.

Sugawara’s body wracked with a sob and he wrapped his arms around Daichi’s neck, nodding vigorously.

“And the car show next Saturday?” Daichi went on, carrying him slowly towards the bed.

Sugawara continued to nod.

“Will you let me take you to dinner, to movies, on picnics, to meet my dad, to the grocery store, to dentist appointments, to the gas station in the middle of the night for single serve specialty beers and candy bars—”

“ _Yes_ ,” Sugawara interrupted. “Yes, yes, _yes please_.”

Daichi knelt on the bed and lowered Sugawara down on his back. He leaned over him on one elbow and cupped his cheek with his other hand, tenderly thumbing tears away.

“And at our wedding, can we serve tamales?”

Sugawara stared up at him, tears slowing momentarily.

“Are… are you asking me to marry you right now? Seriously?”

“I’m asking you to consider it,” Daichi corrected, voice soft. His thumb traveled down to his chin and then gently caressed his bottom lip.

Sugawara gulped. “Are you sure? Because that… that definitely sounded like a proposal to me.”

“As if I would ever propose _spontaneously_ ,” Daichi scoffed. “Like I wouldn’t put months of planning into a disgustingly romantic and sweet proposal in a meadow under the stars with a ring ready to slip on your finger the second you said yes.”

“What makes you think I’d say—”

“Because you love me.”

Sugawara closed his mouth, chin trembling under Daichi’s thumb.

He smiled. “Because you love me, and I’ll never do anything to jeopardize that. I’ll never betray you. I’ll never break your trust. I’ll only make you love me more, and more, and more, from here on out.” He kissed him sweetly and then murmured against his lips, “I love you. Of course I still love you. Of course I still want you. That hasn’t changed, not even a little bit. Even if I’m definitely plotting my revenge for being forced to think I’d never see you again this past month.”

Sugawara groaned.

Daichi grinned and nipped at his bottom lip. “So cruel.”

“I’m sorry…”

“No… I’m sorry.” Daichi lifted his head and stared down at him. “I’m sorry I’ve been so pushy.”

Sugawara blinked. “What?”

Daichi sighed, expression turning uneasy. “You were very clear what this relationship was supposed to be. From the beginning. And even though it worked out in the end… I made the process more difficult for both of us by falling in love with you and demanding you do the same and I’m sorry.”

“No—”

“Yes. It’s true. I should have stayed in my lane. And then, once you were single, I should have pursued you properly. Instead, I made it about me. I took it personally. I made the entire situation more complicated and needlessly painful for you and I both and I’m sorry.”

Sugawara stared up at him in disbelief.

“I’m sorry for my impatience,” Daichi’s voice lowered to a whisper. “I’m sorry for my greed. I’m sorry I pressured you and manipulated your feelings.”

When Sugawara continued to gape at him, Daichi chuckled.

“What? Do you think you’re the only one who has been working on himself this past month?” He kissed the tip of his nose. “I’ve had a lot of time to think. And while I don’t regret the end result, I _do_ regret the route we took. I wish I had done it right from the start.”

Sugawara’s hands smoothed up to the back of Daichi’s head and he pulled him back into a kiss. For a long minute, they suspended their talking to speak instead with their bodies. When Sugawara was gasping for breath, tingling with want, Daichi sucked a hickey onto the side of his throat, gently unbuttoning his jeans.

It felt different.

Sugawara had done this with him time and time again, for months on end. He knew the hands on his hips and the lips on his neck. He knew the broad shoulders under his fingertips and the hot breath tickling his skin.

But it was different.

He didn’t know this feeling without fear and shame.

He was unfamiliar with the openness of loving Daichi and being with him in his own bed without the anxiety that he could be caught at any moment.

It may have been a painful journey, but now that he was truly there, Sugawara could breathe.

He could finally breathe.

“Suga…”

Sugawara met Daichi’s eyes when he lifted his head over his.

He hesitated and then mumbled, “You know I’m going to pay you for that car.”

Sugawara’s mouth went dry. “No… no that’s okay.”

“There’s no way I can accept it.”

“You already paid fifteen grand, remember? You’re just finally getting the thing you bought—”

“No way. How much did you spend on it? I gotta pay you.”

Sugawara gulped. “I… didn’t.”

“Huh?” Daichi’s brows furrowed in confusion.

“I didn’t spend anything,” Sugawara mumbled.

For a moment, Daichi didn’t reply. Then, “I swear to god if you stole that car Suga—”

“I didn’t steal it!” Sugawara laughed. He chewed on his bottom lip, staring up into Daichi’s wary expression. Finally, he sighed and looked away. “I guess… it was his way of apologizing…”

Daichi sat back on his heels.

“ _Malcolm_? Are you kidding me?”

Sugawara groaned and sat up. “C’mon—”

“No fucking way. Give it back.”

“Why?”

Daichi glared at him. “Because! I don’t want anything from—”

“Says the guy who bought a car from him in the first place!” Sugawara shoved his chest, tackling him back to the bed. He straddled his hips and gripped Daichi’s wrists, pinning them down into the mattress over his head. “Don’t be stubborn right now.”

Daichi’s nose scrunched. “I don’t want his pity—”

“Oh my god.” Sugawara leaned down and bit the side of his throat. “What _pity_? Isn’t he the one who lost in this situation? You’re the winner, Daichi. You got your car and your man. You’re a big, _stupid_ winner, but a winner just the same.”

Daichi didn’t reply.

Sugawara lifted his head and stared down at his stubborn expression.

“You’re just getting what you paid for, a few months late.”

Daichi’s lips turned down, eyes narrowing.

Before he could argue further, Sugawara leaned down and kissed him tenderly.

“Don’t fight it,” he whispered against his lips. “Hate him all you want, but if he never conned you and cheated on me… this wouldn’t be happening right now.”

He released one of his wrists and lazily slipped his hand under Daichi’s shirt, trailing his fingers up to his chest.

“We should be thanking him,” Sugawara murmured, meeting Daichi’s gaze. “For getting us together.”

Daichi gave him a disapproving frown. “Uh huh. Okay. _Thank you_ Malcolm for conning me out of fifteen grand. Thank you _so much_ for cheating on your beautiful and cute and perfect boyfriend and making him cry and—”

Sugawara covered his mouth with his hand.

“Thank you Malcolm,” he said, voice low. “For accidentally introducing me to the guy I wanna spend the rest of my life with.”

Daichi’s hands rested on his thighs, smoothing slowly up to his hips. Sugawara’s fingers slid away from his mouth and he leaned down and kissed him.

“Was that a proposal?” Daichi murmured against his lips.

“Of course not,” Sugawara grinned.

“Are you sure? That sounded a lot like a proposal to me.”

Sugawara scoffed. “You think I’d propose and ruin your future proposal where I’m guaranteed to get fucked under the stars with a big fat rock on my finger? Not likely.”

Daichi chuckled and rolled Sugawara onto his back, stretching out on top of him. He stared down at him silently for long seconds, gaze soft. Sugawara gulped, eyes pinching with moisture. He kissed him before he could see the tears, holding his face close with trembling hands.

He had cried enough the past several months to last him a lifetime, he decided.

There would be no more, he decided.

“I love you,” Daichi whispered, thumb tenderly stroking over his cheekbone.

Tears burst from Sugawara’s eyes and he wrapped his arms tight around Daichi’s neck, quivering with a gentle sob.

“I love you,” Daichi said again. “Do you believe me?”

“Yes,” Sugawara shuddered. “I love you.”

Daichi kissed the side of his throat and pulled away. He sat up over him and dragged his shirt up and over his head before casting it to the side.

Heat flushed through Sugawara and he wet his lips, wiping the tears from his cheeks. Daichi leaned down and they kissed, long and slow, tongues meeting. It took no time at all until Sugawara was panting, pulling at his shoulders until he covered him with his body.

“Daichi…” he panted. “My… my new safe word is Waterloo.”

Daichi huffed out a soft laugh against his lips and then raised his head. His eyes twinkled with mischief.

“Water- don’t mind if I –loo.”

“ _Ugh. Never mind. Fuck off._ ”

Daichi ignored his sudden squirming and peppered the side of his throat with kisses.

Sugawara giggled and pushed at his shoulders. Daichi's lips touched his ear, sending pleasant shivers down his spine and coaxing happy tears to his eyes with his whispered promise,

" _Never_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all who have stuck with me through this journey.  
> I have appreciated all of your support and kind words these past ten weeks and wouldn't have been able to make it to the end without you. Please move to the nearest window and present your cheek for the million flying kisses I'm sending your direction.
> 
> I've never updated on a schedule before and would love to have some feedback on how it went! If you have a moment to spare, please take the silly survey I had too much fun creating by clicking [Here!](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeRKxD6FCRSp6FV8HZchM74U937nKOeI_HHaklFWAmBc12D7w/viewform?usp=sf_link)
> 
> Come yell at me on [Tumblr.](https://mooifyourecows.tumblr.com/)  
> [Misery's Company Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0VIS1hwzYLDruc9LIbHWby)
> 
> Thank you again  
> Hope to see you in the next one <3


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